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GK_Fire t1_ix99vzw wrote

A LOT to unpack here. Sorry you got your penis stuck in your toilet, it does sound painful. I hope it heals well. Don't use neosporin, and probably try not to get a boner ( i dont have a penis so idk im also not a dr) um, not sure what else to say because Im still trying to sit w the fact that I willingly read this.

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DubbelDragon t1_ix9a262 wrote

Way worse than where I thought it was going. I hope you make a full recovery, and soon. Just wincing over here in sympathy pains.

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more_merkins t1_ix9abja wrote

I'd like to extend my thoughts and prayers. Most will never understand the pain you've experienced.

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bloodyskies t1_ix9bxt8 wrote

I hope you properly cleaned that shit. Thats how you get dickfelloffitis

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Foxrex t1_ix9e42n wrote

Unintended circumcision narrowly avoided!

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WhiteK1t t1_ix9iv66 wrote

This didn't go the way i imagined it to

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medicman77 t1_ix9lkdi wrote

Maybe you need to dial down the aggressive sneezes? I, too, have loud 'Dad' type sneezes, but I'm capable of stifling them if needed.

0

Ooh-Rah t1_ix9oy1a wrote

Okay, I admit... I was snickering in anticipation at first. Til you got to the penis part. I am sorry, dude. I hope it heals quickly.

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git0ffmylawnm8 t1_ix9ri37 wrote

You put a bandage... On your dick...

My brother in Christ, good luck taking that off

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userhvfegcd t1_ixa00bv wrote

Damn at first I was expecting you to shit your organs out by accident so that was unexpected 😭

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Zeldabacon64 t1_ixa2vuh wrote

I slammed my penith in the toilet seat

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bertrum666 t1_ixa2x2z wrote

I coughed while having a shit once, felt something in my ass that was akin to a bendy straw getting stretched open, massive pile for a while.

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Scittles10-96 t1_ixa3l11 wrote

Replying to Honic_Sedgehog (#605,150)

I had assumed prolapse or severely pulled lower back. Had a family friend who stayed with us for a period of time and he sneezed while doing his business and hurt his lower back so bad he couldn’t walk for 2-weeks, then had to use a walking aid for 2 weeks after that.

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Stromhen t1_ixa5ms7 wrote

Be a man and just suck it up.

−3

yinniferdurmyd t1_ixa9mtf wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#607,550)

You might be fine with the pee, since it's pretty sterile. Might want to use lukewarm water once a day though to clean it (I imagine wiping is quite difficult and painful atm) to clean instead? I've no clue how to wash a dick though, I don't have one 😂

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koopooky t1_ixalf73 wrote

I thought you were going to say you sneezed so hard that violent stack of shit missiled out of your ass and all over the bathroom wall 😂

1

jimmybond195168 t1_ixaxod0 wrote

A sneeze does not have to be loud. You could unlearn vocalizing when you sneeze.

0

silverwick t1_ixb0ygb wrote

Now you can forever use a big dick joke!

Once, I got my dick stuck in a toilet.

How'd it get stuck in a toilet?

It was too big.

(or something to that effect)

1

AcrobaticSource3 t1_ixb2dqb wrote

Is okay, OP is making dudes with micropenises feel good about their junk

1

dendawg t1_ixb4e5a wrote

Holy shit…near self-Bobbitization. /s

1

ExoCookie t1_ixbiyeq wrote

For future reference, there's a pressure point right below ur nostril between the nose and upper lip. Just press that spot with ur finger and it'll stop the sneeze

1

No_Quiet_2741 t1_ixcbv8t wrote

I was shocked honestly. I thought you said your penis fell in the toilet 😭

1

Blues-Light t1_ixddmdh wrote

Ah damn, hate to be gross but I thought this would go a completely different direction. I'm currently sick with covid, and this morning while on the John I had a cough coming while performing a #2 and when the cough came, so too did a large part of my load. Oddly satisfying.

1

lunelily t1_ixdssxl wrote

I miss 20 seconds ago when I hadn’t read this post. I cringed in sympathy pain, and I don’t even have a penis.

1