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potatobreadandcider t1_iyawgzv wrote

It's good that you acknowledge your actions came from a place of personal insecurity, however if you do believe you have mutual trust with your partner you should talk about what you did.

20

ZirePhiinix t1_iyawwsl wrote

Get help.

Not only do you actually not trust your fiance, you have acted on that distrust via a highly invasive method and justified it.

You need to come clean to him now, and seek help. You're quite far along with your distrust to do all this without batting an eye.

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neovb t1_iyaxs8z wrote

How would you feel if he went into your social media and deleted everyone that he thought you shouldn't be talking to? I'm pretty sure you'd be pretty pissed off if you found out. Frankly you have abused his trust and should probably tell him what you did before he discovers it. This actually is a pretty serious fuck up, especially assuming that you are in a happy and healthy relationship which includes trusting your partner.

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potatobreadandcider t1_iyaxtaf wrote

Replying to Accomplished-Duck138 (#786,043)

It's bad because you went searching for something you didn't want to find. Instead of talking openly and truthfully about what you found and how it made you feel, you deleted everything in what honesty sounds like a destructive spiral.

Based solely on this single post it seems like you don't trust your partner and after this post there is little reason for them to trust you in the future.

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Darkassassin07 t1_iyaxzmo wrote

Wow.

If I was him and found out about this, I'd dump you in a heart beat.

The files are unimportant, but the fact that you'd go digging through his files, contacts, messages, social media..... Jfc

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lapsangsouchogn t1_iyay5he wrote

Replying to Accomplished-Duck138 (#786,043)

Because they aren't your messages and photos. Those are his.

How would you feel if he went though your closet and threw out clothes that you'd worn when you were with people he didn't approve of. Like gossipers or your friend who he thinks wear too much makeup.

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OrangeinDorne t1_iyayha4 wrote

You violated his privacy and trust. This isn’t quite as bad as cheating but it’s up there with that level of breach. Trust takes a long time to earn, but it can be lost in a second.

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z-eldapin t1_iyaz5kt wrote

So, you pretend hat you trust your person, yet do literally everything that sows you don't.

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S_A_R_K t1_iyazu62 wrote

You have a very different definition of trust than non lunatics

8

shesavillain t1_iyazy5u wrote

So is he ok with his friends cheating on their partners? You should tell their partners

−20

certifiedintelligent t1_iyb0svp wrote

Well that was an incredible invasion of privacy of not only your fiance but also his family and friends.

I know you won't but you should fess up to doing so because if he learns of this later he may be quite rightfully upset.

8

bubba7557 t1_iyb2b1h wrote

He should dump you. Not only are you violating his privacy, deleting shit that isn't yours is destruction of property. I'd dump your ass in a second when I found out about these intrusions. He should too

14

daemoen t1_iybe2a0 wrote

The number of major red flags.... You're a psychologist's dream... The amount of therapy you will both need to deal with your shit....

5

Ek0sh t1_iybxg3p wrote

You didnt fuck up yet but your parents did for several years for you to become like that.

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phatbubby t1_iybyqm3 wrote

people will call you a bad partner, will label you as “crazy” but the fact you did find something just smacks the fuck out of whatever they’re saying to you in these replies. all those against you prove that the “phase out” of monogamous relationships being ran by the new world order is truly working. you’re not in the wrong

−25

Global_Monk_5778 t1_iycmovk wrote

I hope he dumps you. This is a major violation of trust and privacy. I’m married, have been with my partner 20 years and married for 16 and I would never ever ever do this to him. I would be furious with him if he ever did it to me. It’s personal property. Destruction of property. Never mind the trust aspect. You had absolutely no right at all. You’ve said you’ll talk to him about it but I hope you’re going to own up to everything

5

ramziyass t1_iyd676p wrote

That is basically a violation of his privacy. And it’s you saying that you do not trust him at all and that you will always be controlling his life. You won’t be able to hide this and eventually he will get fed up and leave. It is one thing to snoop a bit but it is a whole other thing to read every single message he has because you didn’t just violate his privacy, you violated the privacy of every person he had a conversation with. They won’t trust him because of you now. And then the fact that you started deleting things YOU didn’t like from his computer….. that’s basically a point of no return. If you were my gf/wife, you would be gone out of my life ….

2

sarah_leee t1_iyf5055 wrote

Good lord way to show you don't deserve the trust he is giving you. I hope he figures out how scummy you are and takes his laptop and run.

2

Aggressive-Pain-7816 t1_iyf5ba4 wrote

Honestly, no matter how you spin it, you don’t trust him. My bf leaves his phone around me and I know the code. But I have never gone through it because I trust his loyalty to me. My bf and I have the understanding that if we ever feel like we need to snoop then trust is gone and if we don’t have trust there is no point staying together. I’ve been in your position with past relationships, it’s never worth it. Communicate your fears, and move on from the relationship you obviously can’t bet on. It’s hard, it sucks, and it will hurt. It’s also obviously very unhealthy, and you both deserve more.

1