Hi there! I usually don’t comment on things like this… or really anything ever. But I’m a person with Borderline personality, and both my partner and I are autistic.

This really is something your partner needs to take some of the accountability for. Like someone said above, it’s good to be gentle with triggers, but people do need to be aware of their own and work with the people they care about in order to prevent those triggers from causing unnecessary strife.

You said the important part, which is the “I still prefer you.” His discomfort is fair, but him getting upset with you is truly a Him problem. One of the issues with BPD (borderline) is that our brains tend to subconsciously make everything other people’s problem, even when we have a definite part in it. Without him doing the work this will become a pattern, where he gets upset when you didn’t do anything actually wrong, just something he didn’t like. And then you apologize but that’s not actually addressing the problem because the problem is internal.

I’ve also been working on my BPD for 5+ years and still find myself falling into these patterns with my partner of 6 years. AND we have fully developed frontal lobes (M26 & M27) and he has a lot of patience for my irrationality.

Your partner is entitled to his discomfort, but at some point he does have to own it as his.

I’m sorry you’re both dealing with this, but you didn’t fuck up. And honestly, neither did he. Brains are just tricky.