TuliBean t1_itv67cj wrote on October 26, 2022 at 3:25 PM

Your mom FU telling you. You don't deserve the v weight of or ins and outs of this. Please, remind yourself it isn't about you. There was no perfect combo that he got wrong. Your life and experience is valid, but this is their FU. You're surely a great kid if she has that trust. But that was also a lot you didn't have to and should never have heard. My stepmother told me in detail about my dad's infedilty when I was only a little older than you. About 20yrs later, I can't believe shit. I tried telling her as an adult about a series of sexual assaults she or my dad could have prevented. She did not even react, just said to call My dad. Yeah, no.

whatshereforme OP t1_itvjbkt wrote on October 26, 2022 at 4:51 PM

i can understand but ive been wanting to cut my father out my ife since july 2020 but my sister has been wanting to see him(only for money). i have cu thim out my life this july after his wedding that i forced to go to by my sister(who im thinking about also cutting out my life for a different reason) and i know it should hav estayed with my mom but it doesnt make a difference because he is OUT my life for good, it gave me a much more bigger reason to not let him eb in my life. also what he did while i was in 8th grade put a bad tol on my mental and emotional health and he would make me cry a lot during school and a bunch more things.

TuliBean t1_itvlj2f wrote on October 26, 2022 at 5:05 PM

When you are older, it will help to get him a little more. Didn't mean you're all compassionate about whatever, but you'll start to just see him as the fcked up adults they are. It's all going to come down to the story you tell yourself. You're over him and he can keep his money -that's my oldest brother, but he also wnt challenge my dad on anything. I do, but also for the FIRST time in adulthood my dad is helping me a fair bit financially as I deal with insane other shit (but also am helping him with some stuff too so it's ok with me). So instead of my dad's an Asshole, now it's that followed by 'because he left home tooo young, was 2 or more years younger than his peer, bullied, assaulted by other kids, then went to medical school at fsu where you are also treated like shit. So he made a lot of bad choices and has character flaws he won't allow himself to see and surfers because of it. He's probably very confused and I know is sad his kids aren't closer to him. Cry me a river, right? I know I am smart and resilient and there's a lot he did to make my childhood hard and ways he absolutely should have protected me, ways he's let me down. But It also helps me understand Parts of myself that need work, and now there is shit I will make sure to do as a parent and plenty to take note never to do. You can break the shtty dad,trauma cycle! Today just be glad and enjoy the parts of hs you can. You can't get away with some of its much longer. [As I thinking of being on random peoples property so my friend and I could roll down the massive hills. Super weird for me to do now.]

whatshereforme OP t1_itvn787 wrote on October 26, 2022 at 5:16 PM

well hes gonna die before i even turn 25 hes a drinker. but i really can do this on my own. my father took $500 and left my sahm with only 100 bucks, took the only good car and vanish, my mom is my only hero. he only showed me how much of a "man" he is

TuliBean t1_itvof6i wrote on October 26, 2022 at 5:24 PM

Moms are badass. Friend of mine had a kickers career an her ex cheated with an attorney who showed him how to takeall her money. She lost her job because the owner took another job, so while all that falls apart leaves her with a7 yr old and $5. Dad's can sometimes just totally divorce themselves from reality while Moms only wish they could long enough to pee in peace.

whatshereforme OP t1_itvjyzh wrote on October 26, 2022 at 4:55 PM

also i forgot to say my father has dragged me and my sister into their drama many times so i knew nearly most that happened. also my mom never told me anything about what happened in court so i give her that part.

TuliBean t1_itvmigo wrote on October 26, 2022 at 5:11 PM

It's a lot to deal with for her too I'm sure. Just keep talking to her about how you feel and every once in a while make she knows you love her. It can get easy to get back to life and lose sight of the hard stuff parent do for us to make up for the one falling short. Just don't lose sleep over that part. Every woman knows there's a risk they're going to be raising the kids solo anymore.

whatshereforme OP t1_itvngds wrote on October 26, 2022 at 5:17 PM

i try to but its hard i have bad emtional trauma (from oonr of my exs) so explain or telling someone i know i love it hard

TuliBean t1_itvp650 wrote on October 26, 2022 at 5:28 PM

If you're able to access therapy through school or if you are able to find someone, it'll help to start working with someone sooner than later. I didn't get any until 27, but it should have happened by 11 for me. I know it can be weird if they're at your school, but they are not blabbing it all around at all. I know that was a fear I had with the guidance counselors at my school, but they can Also help you catch some slack. And will be way more helpful when you go to apply to college, should you choose to go.