TIFU by calling my mom a bitch

Submitted by onefootback t3_ydi65f in tifu

TL;DR at bottom

i’ve (16F) been falling behind with my school work lately and my parents have really been on my ass about it but especially my mom ever since my teacher called her about my overdue work. because i still have like 3 assignments that i have to do, today immediately after school she made me sit and stay at the dinner table until i was done working on my homework.

the issue with that is i had made plans for after school with my friends and stupidly didn’t think to ask for permission to go until the day of. of course when i asked her if i can go she said no and despite my begging it was still a no. i spent like 10 minutes trying to explain to her that i could just finish the rest of my work when i get home and i can still get it all done today but she was literally having none of it and was starting to raise her voice (out of annoyance i guess) which is something i really hate.

at that point i was feeling disappointed for having to cancel on my friends such short notice and annoyed because i couldn’t go even though i thought of a compromise. while she was leaving the room and when i assumed she was no longer in ear shot i called her bitch under my breath by mostly in a whisper, she didn’t come charging into the room or anything so i thought everything was fine and dandy.

fast forward a little bit to my dad coming home, everything was fine at first, my parents let me go from the table to my room to do my work because everyone was downstairs making noise and i was actually working on my stuff. so anyway, i’m doing my work when all of a sudden my dad comes into my room asking me how i’m doing and being all nice at first which is why i didn’t think anything of it, and then he starts asking me happened earlier.

i was genuinely super confused at first because i had forgotten about all that so i responded in a way that he interpreted as “playing dumb”. he told me not to play dumb and said that he had heard i called my mom something, this is when i was like ohh shit inside my head. verbally though, i just asked him what he’s talking about and he started going on about how i called her a bitch and i have no right to be talking about my mother like that and he’s gonna teach me how to be respectful and blah blah blah.

once i realized the extent of the situation i had gotten really defence and was obviously scared shitless, i started saying how she calls me a bitch all the time and i didn’t mean it and basically any excuse i can think of cuz my dad is scary when he’s mad and i just wanted to get out of it. he was hearing none of it and ended up beating me with his belt which i saw coming but still hurt like a bitch.

and to top it all off he made me apologize to my mom for calling her a bitch and she didn’t even accept the apology she just said like the next time i call her some shit like that she’ll fuck me up. super shitty day but at least i’ll remember to keep my mouth shut because arguing with my parents is like arguing with a brick wall

TL;DR - called my mom a bitch because she wouldn’t let me go out with my friends, dad fucked me up

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icecubeinanicecube t1_itu9all wrote

You have abusive parents. I hope everything works out for you and you can move out as soon as possible. Best of luck .

Edit: You might also want to check CPS, physical assault is illegal in most of the world.

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onefootback OP t1_itus7vm wrote

it’s not an everyday thing so i’m not sure if it would count as abuse

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icecubeinanicecube t1_itusc8b wrote

Abuse has no number. Parents that hit you are abusive parents.

> Not an everyday thing

It shouldn't be a once in a lifetime thing, they have already conditioned you psychologically to underestimate the value of your own well-being.

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[deleted] t1_ituysj3 wrote

[removed]

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icecubeinanicecube t1_ituzocq wrote

I find it really troubling that a teenager who prioritizes his friends over homework (which is pretty normal, I did too and still got to be a scientist at the end) is more alarming to you than parents hitting their kids with a fucking belt.

You seem to have lost any kind of empathy somewhere in your upbringing, I hope you get well!

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RissoldeChocolate t1_itv1j4c wrote

Ahaha. Lets get something straight. Physical punishment is something I dont agree with, but depending on various circumstances it can be blatant child abuse, or just miss management of parenting methods without making it full on child cruelty. You see, I'm not a parent, but I know enought about it to know that I know jack shit about parenting, so I reduce myself to reasonable moral judgements, and in this situation, since I wasnt there to watch, and taking into account the fact that he called his mom a bitch, I dont think its such a big deal that he got hit for it, I wouldnt do it myself tho, I just dont automatically accuse people of being shit parents and want them to get charged with child abuse for something that clearly it not that simple, just like parenting isnt in itself. Now in my original statement, I said what I thought about the hitting part and that I agreed with the incial "not going out with his friends" punishment, thus not even justfying him insulting his parents, if he deserved it to beggin with. I do have empathy, but just like OP said in another comment, its doesnt happen often, so I dont think the kid will be traumatized and that he will improove and be well with his parents. I was just trying to share some insight on how I'm sure his parents worry about him and how he should try to see their perspective.

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icecubeinanicecube t1_itv3i3b wrote

You just wrote half a page about what you said in another comment.

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RissoldeChocolate t1_itv3x2z wrote

No and yes. I think it was relevant to what you replied just know. Plus I saw you are the same who was arguing on another thread. What I really care about is what you have to say.

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icecubeinanicecube t1_itv53gt wrote

I already said what I have to say: Hitting your child is wrong, hitting your child with a fucking belt is sociopathic, and OP has every right to call CPS to get out of this family (or to just get support, no idea how this works in the states) if op deems it the right course of action.

Also, from the way OP writes about this I can not shake the feeling that this may not happen everyday, but their parents really use cruel punishment more than once or twice. Ofc, only OP can prove this, but the subtext really speaks a certain language, esp. as OP sees this as fuckup on their side.

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RissoldeChocolate t1_itv6nq5 wrote

You are right, calling CPS and being taken away is what OP really needs to find some stabilty in his chilhood. Based advice. You are clearly the most knowledgeable. Those social service workers that have 50 kids to look after will take good care of him.

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icecubeinanicecube t1_itv8baq wrote

CPS doesn't always equal being taken away, and a 16 year old will get a say in how their life should look like.

Dealing with parents that obviously lack the skills to handle their kids is especially what CPS us for, I don't know why you can only think in extremes.

Anyway, I don't have any more time to spare to argue with you, maybe try to think about if the world is really as binary as you seem to understand it.

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RissoldeChocolate t1_itvbnou wrote

Oh, I think its binary? Im the most reasonable here you are the one saying to call cps

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Adev-s_Apple t1_iturtpo wrote

That's the most asian story I heard today.

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onefootback OP t1_iturxku wrote

really? 😭 i’m black and white

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Safe-Entertainment97 t1_ituo0f4 wrote

Time to start going to the gym so you can defend yourself from obvious child abuse.

Still, do your homework bro. Even if school sucks, at least make sure to finish it so you will have the option to do whatever you want to do.

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onefootback OP t1_iturzam wrote

i’ve tried cardio but i don’t think i have much potential in terms of strength

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XBOXUSER101 t1_iu2mubc wrote

Nothings more satisfying to me then a entitled parent getting their ass beat when theyre usually give the ass beatings

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Far_Software7936 t1_iu76a1x wrote

When I was a kid, My parents hit me a bit (I never deserved any of it) and I tried to kick my dad in the nuts and run away when he hit me once… the neighbors garage was not a good hiding spot

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Kozeyekan_ t1_iu4ty60 wrote

Maybe pick up a jiu jitsu class or something. Even if you never raise a hand in anger, knowing how to deal with that "Oh shit" moment without freezing or panicking will help.

The thing is, you deserve better.

Parents don't have it all figured out. We're all flawed, and even if we mean well, it can sometimes go awry.

But beating your 16 year old daughter with a belt teaches nothing but how to lie and try to avoid a beating in the future, and it shows the parent doesn't have the communication skills to reach the child. And that can happen, communication is a skill like anything else.

But a parent needs to prepare their child for life, and life won't let you beat someone for disagreeing with you. Unfortunately, it also won't go to much effort to help you if you are being beaten by someone close to you. Maybe they'd be OK with a future boyfriend or spouse beating you, but they shouldn't be.

But most of all, tell them what this teaches you. Being belt-whipped at your age is just pain conditioning. It's the simplest form of behavior correction, but also the most harmful and ultimately least likely to succeed, because eventually the child grows up and gets to decide on whether the person who beat them is a net positive or negative in their life.

Beating a kid is the easiest way to condition a child because it takes the least amount of effort from the parent. It's simpler than using reason, empathy and logic.

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No_Love_1353 t1_ituie3j wrote

Part of becoming an adult is learning to plan around work. If you know you’re behind in your school work, perhaps don’t plan outings with the lads?

The belting seems excessive.

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onefootback OP t1_itus1qx wrote

i agree! it was irresponsible on my end to plan something knowing i had work to do

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RissoldeChocolate t1_itu8t93 wrote

I dont agree with spanking that much, but if you dont fullfill your school duties you have to accept some sort of punishment, like not going out until you finish them. I'm sure they just want you to succeed in your studies. You feel like you are talking to a brick wall because they might be right and are not going to "listen" to you because they know they are right about you needing to study and not saying stuff like that to your parents.

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Kat1eQueen t1_ituoo4d wrote

Why are you trying to justify child abuse? Hitting children as punishment is illegal in most of the world and doing the same thing to an adult is illegal literally everywhere, why are you even trying to make a point for it? It is straight up child abuse, i hope you never have kids

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Intelligent-Web-9707 t1_itvg0if wrote

HAHAHAHAHA the fact that you think hitting a child as punishment is illegal in most of the world just tells you are American.

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Kat1eQueen t1_itvji60 wrote

Damn you must be incredibly stupid then because firstly, I am not American and secondly it is legal to hit your child in all of the US, it is even allowed for teachers to do it in almost half the states. And btw, I literally just confused one little thing, corporal punishment in schools is illegal in most of the world, sadly at home it isn't even if it is frowned upon by every person with a moral compass.

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Intelligent-Web-9707 t1_itvlj8v wrote

Corporal punishment in the U.S is highly limited, unlike most of the world in which It's up to the parent unless it's actual injury. Just confused one little thing? Literally it changes your whole statement bro 😂 saying most of the world and only is not the same at all.

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TheRampantWhale t1_ituekxq wrote

tbf i wouldnt listen to my parents either if they're abusive narcissist assholes, even if they are technically right about the schoolwork situation. hope you get out as soon as possible OP, the way they treat you is not okay.

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RissoldeChocolate t1_iturvj4 wrote

Whats part of wanting your kid to succeed at school and not tolerating him to call his mom a "bitch" makes them narcisistic parents??😂😂 How should op's parents treat him then??

OP: "Yo, bitch, bring me a sandwitch while I'm playing fortnite!"

OP's Mom: "Yes master, after the sandwich I will make your homework for you, sorry for disturbing you play session..."

I mean is this good parenting? Because if you think they are abusive and narcisistic, then is this the right way they should act?

"Hope you get out as soon as possible"- You talk as if he was in prision, they just didnt let him go this time cuz he has duties. How cringe are you kids on reddit, making OP think he is right for not doing homework and disrespecting his parents. Maybe in a few years you will understand and agree with my original comment.

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TheRampantWhale t1_itutf3b wrote

If you think it's okay to hit your kid with a belt, or anything else, you're dumb as fuck. Violence is not a good parenting method and numerous studies can back this up.

Also, there is a lot of middle ground between letting your kid walk all over you and HITTING THEM WITH A FUCKING BELT. Read the post again, the kid is terrified of their own dad. No-one should have to live in fear of their own parents.

So call me cringe all you want, you're advocating child abuse.

P.S. - Please never reproduce.

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icecubeinanicecube t1_itutnbi wrote

I find it sad that there is no in-between for you between being completely okay with a disrespectful kid and full-on physical assault as a reaction to it.

Yes, OP did obviously act wrong, however the reaction of the parents was even more wrong. Imo this family needs therapy, but in the US this is just not a realistic outcome.

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RissoldeChocolate t1_itux7zn wrote

But WHEN DID I SAY I SUPORTED HITTING YOUr KID?!?! go read my original comment, literally the first sentence I wrote was "I dont support spanking your kid". I never in this whole discussion said I condoned hitting your kids, I just said that punishment like not letting him go out was totally fair since he didnt do his school work before.

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dbigfool t1_itv4bn1 wrote

This guys are so pitty omg. OBVIOUSLY, not with a fucking belt, that's too much but a slap? If u think that a good slap don't teach nothing to kids you have to talk to people and ask, most of the people I KNOW that are respectful individuals have got slapped. In the other hand you have this new kids that parents let them do everything they want, and they're just stupid ass kids, that in the right time have not got slaped. (A SLAP, NOT SPANKING). Eventually, you learn that you can't do some things and you grow up, and your parents grow up too and start understanding it's just words needed, because they know you will understand. It's normal that OP's parents didn't let him go out. That happened to me few times, I got mad too, it's life. Your mom acted the right way, she made you stay home as punishment, and she heard "bitch" and didn't react. Your dad, yhea he should not beated you. For it's in the moment, if your mom slaped you when you said it, it was okay for me. After the situation happened, he just had the right to talk with you.

(Sorry for the bad grammar. I hope one day I'll be able to teach all I want to my kids, with words, but I don't judge the parents that need and eventually slap they're kids( u can't say it does not work.) Spanking just create revolted kids.

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Erinhapss t1_itub2s8 wrote

I'm so sorry your parents think its acceptable to hit you. This made me sad, so many other ways to parent.

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A_Netra t1_itugtvr wrote

Hitting aside , i think it was pretty rude to say her a bitch even if you 'didnt mean it.' Or maybe its just me from a conservative family and dont know this gen z shit

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Barcata t1_iu1bhvh wrote

I'm a teacher. Do your homework. It's important for your learning.

Also, please report your physical abuse to your teachers/admin. You should never be subjected to that. It doesn't help at all, and preventing you from going out with your friends is punishment enough. Your parents responding to words with violence is completely unnaceptable.

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onefootback OP t1_itudt51 wrote

cant find the comment now but for anyone else who thinks the same, i’m not a troll and i’m not an adult. i’ve posted about running a business in a game called bitlife, in the bitlife subreddit. doesn’t take much to view what the community is about

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SaltySlave t1_ituxrgw wrote

Crazy how he foreshadowed you “playing dumb”

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onefootback OP t1_ituy0a3 wrote

how did he foreshadow it

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SaltySlave t1_iu1jm31 wrote

You weren’t playing dumb at first when he thought you were then you became “dumb” to what happened like it didn’t happen

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dicklover_276 t1_iu0pqbi wrote

I don't know, this is really 50/50. on one hand, I don't agree with spanking but on another, you didn't do work and still expected to go out? I don't know about other people's parents, but you don't get rewarded for not doing work. again, I don't agree with your parents reaction to everything and from the way you describe your dad, they probably don't treat you that well but actions have consequences.

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Kuriousknight t1_iu0pyyv wrote

It’s not spanking when’s she 16 and a grown man hits her with a belt. It’s assault. It’s abuse. Do not minimize it by calling it a spanking.

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dicklover_276 t1_iu2vgbs wrote

I mean sure, but she's a child and she did something wrong and received a punishment. I don't agree with him hitting her but for some households, that's the punishment. if it was a closed fist or anything like that then yes, 100 percent abuse but it wasn't.

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Far_Software7936 t1_iu76r4c wrote

The not letting her go out and the dad lecturing her about language was enough punishment, if they stopped right there they would’ve been good parents. This was abuse. Assaulting your child in any way shape or form no matter the circumstances in abuse. It doesn’t do anything

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dicklover_276 t1_iu79zi1 wrote

I agree that the lecturing part was enough, but, again, thats the way they chose to punish their daughter, my opinion doesnt matter. People parent in different ways, if spanking works for them, it works. You can't control the way people parent and can't say they're abusive if they don't do it that way you do it.

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Far_Software7936 t1_iu7aec8 wrote

I can’t control it, but clearly it doesn’t work as they have done it many times it sounds like from what OP said and it didn’t change behavior, and I can say they are abusive, they are. Hitting your children is abuse, it’s not a “parenting style” it’s abuse, not everyone has to do it the way I do it, but they don’t gotta be abusive.

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dicklover_276 t1_iu7c0jx wrote

Okay, I so agree that OPs parents treat her badly because no kid who is treated well would ever describe their parent as scary but I don't think it's the spanking that makes them abusive. A majority of people spank their kids, including my own parents, but that doesn't mean its abusive. I don't think spanking is effective but I also don't think it's abuse or assault

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Far_Software7936 t1_iu7cepd wrote

I mean from a legal perspective, spanking is abuse. I don’t know if that’s what affects the kid the most mentally and trauma wise because well, I’m not in their brain, the parents probably verbally abuse their children too if I had to make an assumption, but the spanking is the only abuse that is described in this story so it’s the only thing I have to point out.

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dicklover_276 t1_iu7e26n wrote

"From a legal perspective" what law states that spanking is abuse? Hitting and spanking your kids are two very different things and I think you have them mixed up here. Hitting would be with a closed fist or blunt object and striking your kid anywhereon their body. Spanking is when you take your hand or a non solid object and strike your kid on their ass. For example, my aunt would hit her kids with a wooden spoon. That was abuse.

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perkasami t1_iubm4vi wrote

But she wasn't getting spanked. She was getting whipped with a belt by a grown man that is supposed to love, guide, and care for her, and it's apparently not the first time. She's clearly apprehensive and scared of him when he's angry. She says that her mom has been calling her a bitch, so she also seems to be regularly called demeaning insults and cursed at by at least her mom, another person who is supposed to love, guide, and care for her. So she's being physically and verbally abused. It's no wonder she's not very engaged with her school work.

Edit: I do think spanking is abuse, though. If they're too young to reason with, why are you hitting them? If they're old enough to reason with, why are you hitting them? It's wrong to hit your spouse to correct their behavior, so why is it okay to hit children? You don't hit your employees to correct their behavior, so why is it okay to hit your children?

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dicklover_276 t1_iugdg6o wrote

Okay, I agree with everything you are saying here. OPs parents are abusive not only emotionally but also physically. I kinda realized that I've been being biased because I didn't want to admit that my parents may have been abusive.

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perkasami t1_iugpok3 wrote

Nobody wants to think that about their parents, especially if most of the time everything else was fine. Chances are they didn't know any better. But we as a society do know better now. There are far better parenting techniques that never involve hitting/striking/spanking children.

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twitchfanpoggers t1_iuhy541 wrote

See this is character developement and the first step towards unlearning the generational trauma your parents picked up from their parenting and spread to you; you're the only one that can decide how you act towards your own children so please acknowledge what you went through is not normal and make sure your offspring wont have to deal with such traumas. Much love, someone in a similar boat.

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Iamalizardperson234 t1_iu8zrp8 wrote

so if i rape my children as punishment im not abusive?

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dicklover_276 t1_iu9jn6l wrote

Okay, first of all, I really hope that you never reproduce if that's actually something you believe in. Second of all, those are incomparable. You are literally comparing the more disgusting and degenerate crime there is to spanking your kid. They are not on the same level at all, I can't even believe that I have to explain this.

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Iamalizardperson234 t1_iu9jysu wrote

>Okay, first of all, I really hope that you never reproduce if that's actually something you believe in

no id ont thats obviously horrible

also my point is that you mentioned that when parenting, your opinion doesn't matter. the thing is, what if it is immoral

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dicklover_276 t1_iu9lpmj wrote

Yeah no, again, those two things aren't on the same level at all. You are comparing a regular and often used method of punishment to a fucking crime. Spanking your kids isn't illegal, rape is. It isnt just immoral. Raping your kid as "punishment" is so fucking far from immoral. It is absolutely awful. It isn't parenting. It's committing a crime. Again, I really don't know how you could talk about them as if they're both equal to each other

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Iamalizardperson234 t1_iu8zn66 wrote

but like it was still abuse

sure op should have acted differently but thats no excuse for abuse

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Far_Software7936 t1_iu77gve wrote

Beating kids doesn’t work and never will be a good way to discipline because of one key thing: REASON. As a parent you want the reason for a kid to be a good person to be a valid one that will always be valid, not “oh I’m not gonna steal from this gas station because my mom might beat me!” But rather “oh I’m not gonna steal from this gas station because my parent used logic and reason to explain to me why I shouldn’t and I formed my own opinion off of that make the choice I think is right because of that” it ain’t that hard parents, just be a good person

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yfncryptid t1_itzbuyv wrote

you absolutely did not op, your parents are abusive and your behavior was completely understandable. please take care of your safety<333

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BdotEscro t1_iu0w29i wrote

TRULYTRUE TRUE, I agree with you completely absolutely and I agree with your perspective

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chipndip1 t1_itwt45s wrote

As long as he didn't use the buckle, you'll be fine. I stopped getting whoppings at like 11 or so so I can't relate to a whooping at 16, though...

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Aberdeenkev t1_itu8mct wrote

It happens take your punishment move on

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sanfran_girl t1_ituq6wm wrote

It’s abuse and they shouldn’t have to take it. The parents are assholes.

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Aberdeenkev t1_ituqgup wrote

My mum's weapon of choice was the slipper or broom handle. She's 16 keep ur head down move out as soon as

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sanfran_girl t1_itur621 wrote

My mothers was the wooden spoon. She finally stopped after she broke one on me and I very calmly handed her another one.

OP - do what you can to prepare to leave and then do not look back. This is abuse from your family, not love.

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Aberdeenkev t1_iturv3u wrote

Yea used to hit legs can't see the bruises. Did take it off her a few times she mellowed as she got older

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