Far_Software7936 t1_iu7aec8 wrote on October 29, 2022 at 2:26 AM

Reply to comment by dicklover_276 in TIFU by calling my mom a bitch by onefootback

I can’t control it, but clearly it doesn’t work as they have done it many times it sounds like from what OP said and it didn’t change behavior, and I can say they are abusive, they are. Hitting your children is abuse, it’s not a “parenting style” it’s abuse, not everyone has to do it the way I do it, but they don’t gotta be abusive.

dicklover_276 t1_iu7c0jx wrote on October 29, 2022 at 2:40 AM

Okay, I so agree that OPs parents treat her badly because no kid who is treated well would ever describe their parent as scary but I don't think it's the spanking that makes them abusive. A majority of people spank their kids, including my own parents, but that doesn't mean its abusive. I don't think spanking is effective but I also don't think it's abuse or assault

Far_Software7936 t1_iu7cepd wrote on October 29, 2022 at 2:44 AM

I mean from a legal perspective, spanking is abuse. I don’t know if that’s what affects the kid the most mentally and trauma wise because well, I’m not in their brain, the parents probably verbally abuse their children too if I had to make an assumption, but the spanking is the only abuse that is described in this story so it’s the only thing I have to point out.

dicklover_276 t1_iu7e26n wrote on October 29, 2022 at 2:58 AM

"From a legal perspective" what law states that spanking is abuse? Hitting and spanking your kids are two very different things and I think you have them mixed up here. Hitting would be with a closed fist or blunt object and striking your kid anywhereon their body. Spanking is when you take your hand or a non solid object and strike your kid on their ass. For example, my aunt would hit her kids with a wooden spoon. That was abuse.

perkasami t1_iubm4vi wrote on October 30, 2022 at 2:05 AM

But she wasn't getting spanked. She was getting whipped with a belt by a grown man that is supposed to love, guide, and care for her, and it's apparently not the first time. She's clearly apprehensive and scared of him when he's angry. She says that her mom has been calling her a bitch, so she also seems to be regularly called demeaning insults and cursed at by at least her mom, another person who is supposed to love, guide, and care for her. So she's being physically and verbally abused. It's no wonder she's not very engaged with her school work.

Edit: I do think spanking is abuse, though. If they're too young to reason with, why are you hitting them? If they're old enough to reason with, why are you hitting them? It's wrong to hit your spouse to correct their behavior, so why is it okay to hit children? You don't hit your employees to correct their behavior, so why is it okay to hit your children?

dicklover_276 t1_iugdg6o wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:49 AM

Okay, I agree with everything you are saying here. OPs parents are abusive not only emotionally but also physically. I kinda realized that I've been being biased because I didn't want to admit that my parents may have been abusive.

perkasami t1_iugpok3 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:49 AM

Nobody wants to think that about their parents, especially if most of the time everything else was fine. Chances are they didn't know any better. But we as a society do know better now. There are far better parenting techniques that never involve hitting/striking/spanking children.

twitchfanpoggers t1_iuhy541 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 1:56 PM

See this is character developement and the first step towards unlearning the generational trauma your parents picked up from their parenting and spread to you; you're the only one that can decide how you act towards your own children so please acknowledge what you went through is not normal and make sure your offspring wont have to deal with such traumas. Much love, someone in a similar boat.