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dicklover_276 t1_iu0pqbi wrote

I don't know, this is really 50/50. on one hand, I don't agree with spanking but on another, you didn't do work and still expected to go out? I don't know about other people's parents, but you don't get rewarded for not doing work. again, I don't agree with your parents reaction to everything and from the way you describe your dad, they probably don't treat you that well but actions have consequences.

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Kuriousknight t1_iu0pyyv wrote

It’s not spanking when’s she 16 and a grown man hits her with a belt. It’s assault. It’s abuse. Do not minimize it by calling it a spanking.

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dicklover_276 t1_iu2vgbs wrote

I mean sure, but she's a child and she did something wrong and received a punishment. I don't agree with him hitting her but for some households, that's the punishment. if it was a closed fist or anything like that then yes, 100 percent abuse but it wasn't.

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Far_Software7936 t1_iu76r4c wrote

The not letting her go out and the dad lecturing her about language was enough punishment, if they stopped right there they would’ve been good parents. This was abuse. Assaulting your child in any way shape or form no matter the circumstances in abuse. It doesn’t do anything

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dicklover_276 t1_iu79zi1 wrote

I agree that the lecturing part was enough, but, again, thats the way they chose to punish their daughter, my opinion doesnt matter. People parent in different ways, if spanking works for them, it works. You can't control the way people parent and can't say they're abusive if they don't do it that way you do it.

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Far_Software7936 t1_iu7aec8 wrote

I can’t control it, but clearly it doesn’t work as they have done it many times it sounds like from what OP said and it didn’t change behavior, and I can say they are abusive, they are. Hitting your children is abuse, it’s not a “parenting style” it’s abuse, not everyone has to do it the way I do it, but they don’t gotta be abusive.

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dicklover_276 t1_iu7c0jx wrote

Okay, I so agree that OPs parents treat her badly because no kid who is treated well would ever describe their parent as scary but I don't think it's the spanking that makes them abusive. A majority of people spank their kids, including my own parents, but that doesn't mean its abusive. I don't think spanking is effective but I also don't think it's abuse or assault

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Far_Software7936 t1_iu7cepd wrote

I mean from a legal perspective, spanking is abuse. I don’t know if that’s what affects the kid the most mentally and trauma wise because well, I’m not in their brain, the parents probably verbally abuse their children too if I had to make an assumption, but the spanking is the only abuse that is described in this story so it’s the only thing I have to point out.

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dicklover_276 t1_iu7e26n wrote

"From a legal perspective" what law states that spanking is abuse? Hitting and spanking your kids are two very different things and I think you have them mixed up here. Hitting would be with a closed fist or blunt object and striking your kid anywhereon their body. Spanking is when you take your hand or a non solid object and strike your kid on their ass. For example, my aunt would hit her kids with a wooden spoon. That was abuse.

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perkasami t1_iubm4vi wrote

But she wasn't getting spanked. She was getting whipped with a belt by a grown man that is supposed to love, guide, and care for her, and it's apparently not the first time. She's clearly apprehensive and scared of him when he's angry. She says that her mom has been calling her a bitch, so she also seems to be regularly called demeaning insults and cursed at by at least her mom, another person who is supposed to love, guide, and care for her. So she's being physically and verbally abused. It's no wonder she's not very engaged with her school work.

Edit: I do think spanking is abuse, though. If they're too young to reason with, why are you hitting them? If they're old enough to reason with, why are you hitting them? It's wrong to hit your spouse to correct their behavior, so why is it okay to hit children? You don't hit your employees to correct their behavior, so why is it okay to hit your children?

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dicklover_276 t1_iugdg6o wrote

Okay, I agree with everything you are saying here. OPs parents are abusive not only emotionally but also physically. I kinda realized that I've been being biased because I didn't want to admit that my parents may have been abusive.

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perkasami t1_iugpok3 wrote

Nobody wants to think that about their parents, especially if most of the time everything else was fine. Chances are they didn't know any better. But we as a society do know better now. There are far better parenting techniques that never involve hitting/striking/spanking children.

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twitchfanpoggers t1_iuhy541 wrote

See this is character developement and the first step towards unlearning the generational trauma your parents picked up from their parenting and spread to you; you're the only one that can decide how you act towards your own children so please acknowledge what you went through is not normal and make sure your offspring wont have to deal with such traumas. Much love, someone in a similar boat.

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Iamalizardperson234 t1_iu8zrp8 wrote

so if i rape my children as punishment im not abusive?

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dicklover_276 t1_iu9jn6l wrote

Okay, first of all, I really hope that you never reproduce if that's actually something you believe in. Second of all, those are incomparable. You are literally comparing the more disgusting and degenerate crime there is to spanking your kid. They are not on the same level at all, I can't even believe that I have to explain this.

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Iamalizardperson234 t1_iu9jysu wrote

>Okay, first of all, I really hope that you never reproduce if that's actually something you believe in

no id ont thats obviously horrible

also my point is that you mentioned that when parenting, your opinion doesn't matter. the thing is, what if it is immoral

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dicklover_276 t1_iu9lpmj wrote

Yeah no, again, those two things aren't on the same level at all. You are comparing a regular and often used method of punishment to a fucking crime. Spanking your kids isn't illegal, rape is. It isnt just immoral. Raping your kid as "punishment" is so fucking far from immoral. It is absolutely awful. It isn't parenting. It's committing a crime. Again, I really don't know how you could talk about them as if they're both equal to each other

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Iamalizardperson234 t1_iu8zn66 wrote

but like it was still abuse

sure op should have acted differently but thats no excuse for abuse

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