TIFU by telling my gf I would murder her.

Submitted by Choice-Vegetable738 t3_yabvew in tifu

Today my gf and I (both 16) were having a conversation about music. For context, we've been dating for almost nine months and she's the light of my life. She's changed me for the better and is the most gorgeous woman in the world. I plan to marry her one day. When she was younger she had been sexually assaulted and again twice earlier this year, and she has past issues with violent men. Men in her life have been very violent and she's been through more than most grown adults.

Today we were having a conversation about who was better: Katy Perry or Taylor Swift. She loves Taylor Swift so she obviously picked her and I picked Katy Perry and she jokingly said, "I think we should see other people" and laughed.

I don't know why I reacted this way. I've always been very possessive of her and she loves it, it makes her feel safe. I've also has anger issues in the past and she's been helping me work through them. What she said has triggered me and I had gotten very upset with her and told her that I would "fucking murder her" if she ever left me.

Something had come over me in that moment and I had even pinned her body to the wall. I didn't let her go until she promised me that she would never leave. Once I saw how terrified she was I immediately realized how badly I fucked up.

It's been a few hours since and she has bruises on her wrists and on her hip from me. I'm much bigger and stronger than her, I admit that. I was too rough with her and now she's very afraid of me. She left my house a few minutes ago and I don't know how I can make it up to her.

Please, help me. I love her more than I love anything in this world and I can't lose her.

TL;DR : I told my gf I would murder her after she made a joke about seeing other people and now she's terrified of me.

UPDATE

I've read all of you guy's comments and you're right, I'm a major asshole. I called my gf when she got home and we talked for a while. She said that she loves me, and that she doesn't want to leave me. I tried to convince her to leave me so I wouldn't hurt her anymore, but she's too stubborn to do so.

She told me that I need to go to therapy, like many of you have said, and I'm currently looking with my parents for a good therapist.

Thank you for being brutally honest with me.

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jlm9141185 t1_itacelw wrote

You need therapy or this and other relationships won't ever be healthy

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parasoljack t1_itacybb wrote

You'll probably break up, and by the way, she's completely right to do so

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t3hd0n t1_itad3q7 wrote

>I've also has anger issues in the past and she's been helping me work through them.

if you aren't already, you need therapy. your partner should not be your therapist

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Maddilyn571 t1_itadcmi wrote

She should be. And if thats how you're going to react when she says something you don't like (or triggers you), then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship until you get your anger in check. You just traumatized her even more. You are responsible for your actions and response to your emotions.

You are both so young and what you're doing is manipulative and disgusting. She has a right to leave if it comes to that and if you really loved her you would accept that without threatening her or yourself. You need to apologize and give her space. You sound very codependent on her and I would highly reccoment therapy.

Edit for OPs update: YOU need to leave for HER safety. Ofc she isn't going to break up with you, you guys are codependent AND you just physically injured her to make her promise never to break up w you-why tf would she leave after that? If you really care about not hurting her, you will step out of the relationship until you get your shit together. This is YOUR responsibility, not hers. By trying to make her break up with you (after assaulting her), you're putting the responsibility on her.

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Lilitu9Tails t1_itadgh5 wrote

She needs to break up with you. And you are going to let her. Stop making excuses, get therapy, and stay single until you are no longer a threat to people you claim to love. You are violent and abusive and she deserves better.

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Ok-Illustrator-929 t1_itadnh5 wrote

So you know she has issues with violent men and abuse, yet you pin her against the wall and leave her bruised over a harmless joke comment. Seek help. You’ve done some serious damage to her and your relationship.

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tmp2014 t1_itadvhe wrote

the fuck is wrong w you

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thatsoundthough t1_itadx18 wrote

Tell her that you need to resolve your own issues, end the relationship (for now, at least) and get help. You need to understand why you had that impulse so as to prevent it from happening in the future. When you've learned how to manage and get past your own shit, then you can think about getting into a relationship again.

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throwaway_nowgoaway t1_itae0pm wrote

I applaud you for recognizing that this is inappropriate and finding a venue to talk about it. This is not a healthy level of rage to hold inside, and you were wrong to treat your girlfriend that way. Do you feel bad? If so, good, you should.

You’re young. I imagine you’ve been through some shit to treat someone this way. You deserve compassion, and there’s nothing shameful about getting help. You should however feel guilty if you choose not to talk to someone about this. At your age you can definitely work through this stuff. It won’t be easy and you’ll have to let yourself feel your pain. But you can do it.

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v-i-n-c-e-2 t1_itaem0k wrote

Man that's fucked seek help that poor girl has been through enough

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SevenZee t1_itafbag wrote

What the actual fuck? You need therapy and she needs to stay far fucking away from you.

You’re not fixing this. You fucked up too bad and clearly are not ready for any type of relationship until you fix yourself.

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NeObi-WanKenoLetItBe t1_itaj95a wrote

It's not ok to be abusive regardless of gender.

Both of you need to realize there's more to life than having someone who "completes" you. That's putting too much responsibility on someone and setting it up for disaster. You're 16 and have a whole life ahead of you. Your brain isn't fully developed until like age 25, not to mention hormones causing you to not think straight.

You're both better of ending your relationship and getting actual therapy. Focus on being the man you want to be, apply yourself to school and a craft. If it is meant to be you'll cross paths again.

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bigcatbunny t1_itak0tt wrote

When I was 17, my boyfriend at the time threatened to tie me down and chemically burn me if I cheated on him. He wasn't even touching me at the time, let alone pinning me to a wall, but obviously, it's still stuck in my head over 10 years later.

Think about how you want to be remembered in 10 years.

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seedmuncher3000 t1_itaoumv wrote

This is not a "small" FU, first of all. Second of all, take this from somebody who tried to do the same thing: If you believe you are hurting somebody, you need to be the one to leave. Do not try and make them the person to do it. If you truly love her, don't try and make her do your dirty work for you. Especially since she has a history with violent men, she's probably numbed herself to a lot of abuse and would be more willing to forgive you. If anything, that should be more of an incentive for you to leave because she has already been through enough and does not need another violent man in her life. If you love her, you need to let her go before you hurt her any more. And definitely don't get into another relationship until you've taken a good hard look at yourself and can say with honesty that you're better. Definitely see a counselor. You are extremely lucky she isn't pressing charges considering you physically injured her.

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IMSOGIRL t1_itaxxst wrote

When she inevitably does break up with you for being the way you are, don't do anything stupid like hurt others or hurt yourself. Just go your own way.

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LurksAroundHere t1_itb3npn wrote

Thank goodness you've decided to go see a therapist. Your behavior is literally what domestic abusers/murderers do to their spouses (I loved her so much I had to kill her). You need to nip that feeling in the bud while you're young and still have time.

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robpensley t1_itbacyy wrote

Looks like she picked another violent man.

Yes, you need to go to therapy and she does too. Big time.

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VirtualDeliverance t1_itboijj wrote

You can help her by reporting yourself to the police for being violent to your own girlfriend.

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Aiden_Does_Reddit t1_itf5gb5 wrote

Like everybody else said, you desperately need therapy. Whether you like it or not, you are turning into an abuser. Unless you are extremely fucked up in the head, you do not want to become "that abusive ex". I honestly hope you get help and change.

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Willing-Carry-7745 t1_iu2rilb wrote

First off you're just 16. you have no idea if you will marry this girl or not. things change minute to minute. secondly you know you had anger issues prior to being with her and knew what she went through. you turned around and horribly abused her. You are 16 and need to end things with her like an adult male, let her go on her way and you need to get therapy and work on yourself first before being with her or anyone else for that fact.

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