This is not a "small" FU, first of all. Second of all, take this from somebody who tried to do the same thing: If you believe you are hurting somebody, you need to be the one to leave. Do not try and make them the person to do it. If you truly love her, don't try and make her do your dirty work for you. Especially since she has a history with violent men, she's probably numbed herself to a lot of abuse and would be more willing to forgive you. If anything, that should be more of an incentive for you to leave because she has already been through enough and does not need another violent man in her life. If you love her, you need to let her go before you hurt her any more. And definitely don't get into another relationship until you've taken a good hard look at yourself and can say with honesty that you're better. Definitely see a counselor. You are extremely lucky she isn't pressing charges considering you physically injured her.