TIFU by telling my husbands best friend that we’re married.

Submitted by hersheymunk t3_ya3yjo in tifu

my husband (18M) and i (19F) have been married for a few months now. we are happy even though are family’s aren’t that supportive of our marriage, they say we rushed into it to quick, but we decided not to listen to them and now we are in love and married. but when we first considered marriage we were thinking about not telling anyone we were getting married, we were young and had only been together for a few months back then, so we knew everyone would be against it, and we were right. his sister (17F) and her boyfriend (17M) found out and said that we were crazy and should at least be considering our future and if we really should be doing this, but it was already final, it was too late. we ended up getting married and even though they were hesitant, his sister and her boyfriend were there to support us at our wedding. they were the only one who knew we were married at the time, but soon, after my husband got injured and had to go to the hospital, i accidentally told his parents. they weren’t supportive, of course, and they even tried to convince us to divorce. saying that we are just young and naive and just think we are in love but we’re not, but we brushed it off and moved on. soon, everyone in our circle knew. they didn’t say much about it, but we knew they wanted to.

one night, i went to go see his best friend (18M). i was worried about my husband since he had been acting differently lately and i figured his best friend would have known what was wrong with him. i said- “maybe its the fact that his parents are going crazy over the marriage but-“ and then he said “marriage? what marriage?”. i was confused, obviously, but then i considered that he doesn’t know we got married. i told him that me and my husband had got married a few months back on our vacation, and i could see the disappointment in his face. i tried to tell him that i had no idea that my husband didn’t tell him but even though he didn’t say it, i could tell he wasn’t having it. he walked off saying “it’s fine, really.” but i knew it wasn’t.

i’m scared that i have ruined the long time friendship of my husband and his best friend, since his best friend has always spoken about his hate for liars in conversation, and the fact that we’ve been married for months now is probably going to make it worse.

and even though it sounds selfish, i’m scared that this is going to make a tear in our relationship too. our relationship has already been breaking apart with our families, him lying to me, the jealousy, and even him insinuating that he’s trapped in our marriage. i’m scared, we just got married and we’re already on the verge of divorce.

EDIT: his family knows about our kid. they’ve known before marriage was even thought of. and now his family (other than his parents) are excited for our re-wedding (way too hard to explain.). his grandfather understands that we are in love and the reason we are getting married so early is that “it’s better early than late.”. his friends are also excited, but im not sure about his best friend. that’s all of the updates that i can give for now.

edit2: his mother is supportive of our marriage now, but she reminds us that it is not something that we can walk away from when things get tough.

TL;DR

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Ryshoe8 t1_it92f1o wrote

Your parents are correct. You were too young to get married and your entire story verifies it. Lots of red flags in there. You guys should think about getting an annulment and try dating for a few years while you become fully formed adults. I do wish you the best of luck with whatever route you go and hope it works out.

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ohgeebus_notagain t1_it93xtr wrote

You and your husband FU'ed on so many levels it's not even funny. He's afraid of the marriage, and his family, and telling his friends?

WHY is he afraid to tell his best friend? Why did ya'll hide this from family? WTF is he lying about? Why is he jealous? Or is that you? Jealousy has no place in a marriage, so this implies that you two are not comfortable and trusting of each other.

He's "insinuating that he's trapped in our marriage" because he's afraid to admit to others that he married you. Why is that? He didn't even tell his best friend! If it's a good friendship, this won't ruin that friendship, but it's going to put a knife into yours

YA'LL NEED COUNSELING ASAP before you prove his parents correct. If you care, fucking fight. Get a counselor as a referee, and fix this the right way

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thewhothewhatthewhy t1_it94we6 wrote

I can already feel some level of regret from the husband just by reading this because he never disclosed that he's married to anyone

Probably sacrificing his own happiness to keep OP happy, and we all know how well that goes

I sacrificed my own happiness in my previous relationship, and it ended with a horrendous break up because she thought I didn't do enough for her

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hersheymunk OP t1_it95eyg wrote

he’s jealous of my ex. i didn’t want to mention this but i am going to do it anyway. when we first got together i made a mistake and lied to him saying that i was pregnant with his baby, but it wasn’t really his. he forgave me and we got together.

when we got married i was still pregnant and i revealed to him that i was pregnant with my ex’s baby, but he said that it didn’t matter and that he would still love me and my son the same.

although he said that he doesn’t care about my ex, he was lying. my ex sadly goes to the same school as him so it’s inevitable that they are going to run into each other one or two times. he and my ex have gotten into multiple fights, and i think it’s just putting more struggles into our relationship.

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thewhothewhatthewhy t1_it95u4l wrote

I mean

If I was in a relationship with someone, and they told me the child is mine, but proceeded to lie about it, I'm not going to let that down.

You lied to him for what reason? So that he can stay committed to you?

Of course he's not fine, the fact that you made him believe the kid was his but turns out it was the child of your previous lover weighs heavily in his mind. He's telling you he's fine with it to reassure you, but in reality it's gnawing at him.

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hersheymunk OP t1_it96alj wrote

i was in a dark place, he was the only person i had slept with at the time other than my ex. i needed someone who would help support my child and my ex was definitely not going to do that. my ex denied that my son was his baby from the beginning and i just needed help and love and support. i apologized and he forgave me. that’s all that matters.

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thewhothewhatthewhy t1_it96o8s wrote

As harsh as this sounds

You deceived your current partner because you wanted love, when that deception may very well be the reason why he feels trapped in this relationship. He knows you rely on him, especially with a kid. So you've basically burdened him with responsibility at 18 while he's still going to university/school with no approval from his parents. There's a strong likelihood that if his friends and family didn't know about the marriage, they also don't know about the kid.

Thing is, if you're willing to lie at that level, your husband is probably thinking what else have you lied about that you haven't told him.

Edit: just realized, one of the reasons why he hasn't told anyone about the marriage is the fact that you have a kid. And if they ever find out that you lied to him about the kid being his, there's even more justification on why you shouldn't be married in their eyes. Basically, he's lying and sacrificing himself to protect you, because you lied and rushed things.

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Crashpoint t1_it9iq3n wrote

This.

When I originally read OP's post, I immediately became skeptical because people don't elope and then continue to hide the marriage from their friends. The fact that the OP lied to the husband about the kid just so that he stays with her is going to make that marriage unreconcilable because he will always be worrying what she's lying about and trust is one of the pillars of a strong marriage. It is doable, but at 18 yrs old, it's highly unlikely. Just put yourself in the husband's shoes, he's having this kid, knows it's not his, may not know that he will be responsible because the kid is being born into the marriage which automatically makes him the father which will come with it's own set of consequences if the marriage doesn't work out, e.g. child support payments for a baby that's not his. All of that pressure and burden on him will put him in a really bad place mentally and based on the OP's other posts, it sounds like it already has. As others have mentioned, the best course of action here is to get therapy and counseling. Maybe the marriage can be salvaged, but if not, then yall need to make that decision before it becomes destructive.

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Saberise t1_ita2849 wrote

She said in a comment that she gave the baby up for adoption. The story makes no sense.

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Crashpoint t1_ita7vck wrote

I read that after. It still doesn't solve their marital problems, but agree with you. The post doesnt make any sense at all.

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ohgeebus_notagain t1_it9e2le wrote

>one of the reasons why he hasn't told anyone about the marriage is the fact that you have a kid. And if they ever find out that you lied to him about the kid being his, there's even more justification on why you shouldn't be married in their eyes. Basically, he's lying and sacrificing himself to protect you, because you lied and rushed things.

Yep

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MunificentDancer t1_it9asd2 wrote

> I apologized and he forgave me. That's all that matters.

U realize just because he said he forgave u doesn't mean that doesn't live in his head or doesn't bother him.

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Freakeh420 t1_it9747y wrote

no it's not. you need help kid. at least some counseling for sure.

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microbiologyismylife t1_itco8zj wrote

> i apologized and he forgave me. that’s all that matters.

Really? You don't think it matters that you can't be trusted to tell the truth? You don't think it matters that you manipulated your husband into marrying you? They were right, you're too young to be married.

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nebenbaum t1_iu85tos wrote

Holy shit you are an absolutely terrible human being.

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ohgeebus_notagain t1_it9dtk2 wrote

Your "marriage" is built on a lie. He's trying to love you, but he's not able to reconcile these things in his head. You can try counseling, but tbh, I'm not sure it will work in the long run.

It's not his kid. You lied to him. No wonder he's jealous. Only a few approve of your union and fewer will be willing to help you

This isn't "jealous of your ex", this a situation he feels forced into. Ya'll need therapy. Even if/when you split apart, you both still need therapy.

Your family was right, this was a horrible idea. Cry about it tonight, but start fixing this shit tomorrow. Talk to your family and ask for some help. Listen. You might be able to salvage something

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BuzzedtheTower t1_it9neze wrote

You really buried the lead on this one, mate. You were pregnant with another man's child, lied to your boyfriend, got married, and then told the truth. He may have "forgiven" you, but that doesn't mean the gravity of the future isn't crushing him.

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Ghost17088 t1_itbzbka wrote

He’s not jealous of your ex, he’s a victim of emotional abuse and manipulation.

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1Meshy t1_iu8bcba wrote

What kind of a sick individual does this shit to someone they supposedly "love"??

You're a disgusting bastard. I hope your "husband" finds someone way better than your manipulative ass.

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thewhothewhatthewhy t1_it93vvb wrote

>they say we rushed into it to quick, but we decided not to listen to them and now we are in love and married.

And they're right about that

Are you truly prepared and planned for the future? Because marriage isn't something that's just a thing you do so early in a relationship, it's a commitment.

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Advanced-Fig6699 t1_itdartz wrote

you might be in love but I’m not so sure your husband feels the same way

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MunificentDancer t1_it9b449 wrote

So in all of this including the part where u lied about being pregnant with your husband's baby. U think the biggest fuck up was telling his best friend? All the best with life lol

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ModsAreSoftAF t1_it9nvpi wrote

The last sentence literally says it all and proves them right. You rushed into it and he’s already miserable and expressing it.

Edit: them

Edit2: after reading comments holy fk. That poor guy needs to get out and get away from you ASAP. You are a terrible person.

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DubiousTomato t1_it94ua6 wrote

I'm curious what seemed to be the rush to get married. Marriage isn't this fairytale bookend to relationships like we're lead to believe. While you two may do great together, you have so much life left to establish who you are as individuals. It's not impossible to achieve, but look at where you are now: on Reddit making a post to figure out how to handle a complex situation that would otherwise be solvable by experience and maturity. There's a lot more growth that has to happen, and you and your husband really need to sit down and talk with everyone so everyone can really hear each other.

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digincircles t1_it9e028 wrote

She explained in another comment. She was pregnant and told her (now) husband that it was his baby. After they got married, she revealed that it wasn't actually his baby. She told her husband it was his baby because the real baby daddy wasn't going to support the child and she thought this guy would.

​

She baby trapped him with a kid that isn't even his. And now she wonders why he isn't telling anyone they're married.

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DubiousTomato t1_it9j0o6 wrote

Oooh, thank you, that explains way more. Yeah this is an absolute mess.

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sampjennings t1_it9ace2 wrote

All this teeny drama and you're already married

Good luck, OP

You'll need it lmao

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j_to_the_s_o_n t1_it92ise wrote

Are you sure your parents aren't just mad because you're brother and sister? This sounds straight outta Alabama

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BuzzedtheTower t1_it9msjx wrote

Yeah, this was a FU. I got married to my wife at 20 and we had been together for five years by that point and known each other our whole lives. And even with that background, it was still really rough some days. Our families and friends knew and we had talked about it for awhile beforehand.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think your family was right. I don't doubt your feelings, but you did not have a strong base of trust nor truly know the other person. Those are critical for a marriage. I'm sorry that it is falling apart. Maybe things will work out, I can't say. But marriage is like a contract, it is not to be entered into lightly and you should only do it when you are thoroughly thought about it.

Good luck to your and your husband, whatever the future may bring

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jaxxon92 t1_itbjo5g wrote

I'm white trash and I'm in trouble

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Freakeh420 t1_it968vh wrote

So divorce. They were 100% right. just because your marriage isnt working now, doesnt mean itll be an end to the relationship.

why do you have to be married now?

what are your overall plans as a couple?

what are your individual plans for that matter. im curious to what you think you want to happen from this point on.

are you guys gonna move in together? have you even lived together?

tbh i think you just need to pump the breaks and chill tf out. live life. get a job, think about going to college and actually preparing a future.

if shit goes sideways you need to make sure you'll able to take care of yourself. this should be the number one priority, having to depend on a partner in a failing relationship is not what you want to be doing.

you're still plenty young and have soooooo so much to learn. it wouldnt hurt actually going through a few relationships, that way you can learn what you want from one and what you dont want.

not everyone has their shit together. and if your family truly cares about you, i suggest actually valuing their opinions. they tried to warn you about this.

Hope it all works out OP.

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thewhothewhatthewhy t1_it9ez4n wrote

>EDIT: his family knows about our kid. they’ve known before marriage was even thought of.

The question is if they knew you lied to your husband about it.

Or if they know that kid isn't even his in the first place.

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hersheymunk OP t1_it9f4qv wrote

yes, they do. the sister is still a little angry about it and his mother just absolutely hates me but, yes, they do know. and they’ve basically forgave me

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eb331 t1_it9j8pc wrote

Oh honey. What makes you think that these people have forgiven you?

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ModsAreSoftAF t1_it9ow58 wrote

She’s oblivious af. “His mother absolutely hates me” and “but they’ve basically forgave me” show that.

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SAOkirito1 t1_it9k01f wrote

You should get couples counseling

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FeliciaToldYouSo t1_itcczzv wrote

Get that starter marriage out of the way quickly! Divorce, GROW UP, and then move on to an adult relationship. If you have to hide your relationship status from anyone, you're not an adult.

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microbiologyismylife t1_itcnlbh wrote

> scared that this is going to make a tear in our relationship too. our relationship has already been breaking apart with our families, him lying to me, the jealousy, and even him insinuating that he’s trapped in our marriage. i’m scared, we just got married and we’re already on the verge of divorce.

And of course, the lies you've told have no bearing on the situation at all....

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Dgeneratecow t1_itd0sxv wrote

>we were young

How long ago was this. Im guessing no more then 2 years. 19 still pretty young.

No offense intended but it sounds more like, tifu by marrying in my teens, having a kid, without the support of friends and family.

The edits sound positive but still. Good luck, hope it lasts

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EducationalRiver1 t1_itd1tja wrote

If you're not old enough to tell people you're married, you're not old enough to be married. You're a pair of kids with a kid and rings. It's sad.

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AcrobaticSource3 t1_ita1rvg wrote

> they say we rushed into it quick

Wise men say only fools rush in

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Chemical_Chicken01 t1_it9ckcc wrote

I’m not going to comment on whether you made the right choice or not by getting married because it’s your life and you are free to make your own decisions.

You and your BF chose to get married and not tell anyone (congratulations on your marriage btw. I hope you have a long and successful one!) but now you are experiencing the consequences of your actions.

By keeping secrets from close friends and family, especially one as big as getting married, there will be a fallout in those relationships. Family and close friends usually expect (rightly or wrongly) to be a part of these big milestones and to be left out or not even told, can damage relationships.

You and hubby are now a team so it’s best to discuss this with him and work out a way to move forward here.

You will experience many crises as a couple and this is just the first.

Probably a good idea to have a conversation about boundaries and expectations you have of each other too - as jealousy and lying are incredibly toxic and can be abusive.

Perhaps seeing a couples therapist can help you navigate these choppy waters.

Best of luck to you all.

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Jealous-Ad776 t1_it9i5zn wrote

I got married at 19. I have zero regrets. Don’t let these internet people discourage you in your marriage. It won’t always be easy but in the long run it’s worth it. Half of the people on here raging on you for getting married young are probably alone.

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hersheymunk OP t1_it9byka wrote

i don’t get why some of you are saying our parents are right. his parents are working on a divorce because his dad cheated. my parents don’t even love each other. they know nothing about love. they’ve never experienced real love. of course they are going to be jealous that someone else close to them is getting the love that they never got.

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hanatsun t1_it9fnz7 wrote

OP no offense, but you're delusional as hell and clearly aren't listening to other commenters in this thread. You've trapped your husband in a sham marriage because you're pregnant with another man's child (an ex) and are relying on your husband to help you raise said child after initially lying to him. You are young, and foolish. Please get therapy for both you and your husband and try and salvage this wreck before you inevitably bring an innocent child into this clusterfuck of a situation.

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hersheymunk OP t1_it9fz89 wrote

i gave my child up for adoption.

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SorryAd1116 t1_itak3k5 wrote

At least you did one good thing. Now if you want to go all star divorce this poor guy and try working on yourself.

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thewhothewhatthewhy t1_it9e39n wrote

Because

  1. You're both young
  2. At least one of you is still going through education
  3. You're both unlikely to support yourselves
  4. You've lied to your partner

To say that your parents are jealous is a very weird statement, because at one point they loved each other and had you. So to say that they know nothing about love when you yourself had just been married recently is a hypocritical statement to make.

You have a very skewed perception because your parents have more experience and knowledge than you who has been married for less than a year and had a kid at 18-19.

You're not prepared, and the fact that you lied to your husband because you wanted love and support shows how unprepared you are. And shows how right your parents were.

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Freakeh420 t1_it9e6nt wrote

maybe for the fact that they actually have experience in a relationship MAYBE??

or the fact that theyve were your age before. maybe cause theyre going through a divorce currently. like are you even listening or reading what you're saying OP.

You still have a very immature idea of what a relationship is.

that's just one reason why everyone is saying they're right... now all the reason and little drama things you included in your actual post might be other reasons why we're saying they're right.

and not to mention your comments kinda speak for themselves.

good luck OP, you're absolutely right... everyone must be jealous of your failing relationship full of lies and deceit. its not like they're actually thinking of your future, or thinking of your best interest. like why would they. Jesus Christ kid.

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eb331 t1_it9jfju wrote

100% believe your parents know a lot about love.

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microbiologyismylife t1_itcmu8b wrote

> they know nothing about love. they’ve never experienced real love.

News flash: you know nothing about love either. You lied to your husband, baby trapped and married him under false pretenses - THAT'S NOT LOVE!

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Nervous-Tadpole-3871 t1_itdl5g4 wrote

“Love” isn’t some forever thing you think it is. You will not always be “in love” with your partner, nor will they always be in love with you. Relationships are WORK. The person you are “in love” with isn’t the same person you’ll be married to in a year. People change, and because of that, sometimes they become incompatible. That doesn’t make your parents wrong. Your view on relationships is unrealistic and naive. The fairy tale image you have of love doesn’t exist. What they mean by you being “too young” is that you have no idea what kind of people you will become. Your brain isn’t even developed yet.

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Xaser125 t1_it91tfl wrote

Realy?

If that was me i would tell hes parents that they dont decide others peeps lifes...

Hes friend take it or leave it, who gives anything if u are married or anything its your life and hes.

Last part the distance or anything, if that happens he never liked you, but thats just me

Side topic, theres plenty of guys arround if something goes sideways :P

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