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thewhothewhatthewhy t1_it95u4l wrote

Reply to comment by hersheymunk in TIFU by telling my husbands best friend that we’re married. by hersheymunk

I mean

If I was in a relationship with someone, and they told me the child is mine, but proceeded to lie about it, I'm not going to let that down.

You lied to him for what reason? So that he can stay committed to you?

Of course he's not fine, the fact that you made him believe the kid was his but turns out it was the child of your previous lover weighs heavily in his mind. He's telling you he's fine with it to reassure you, but in reality it's gnawing at him.

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hersheymunk OP t1_it96alj wrote

i was in a dark place, he was the only person i had slept with at the time other than my ex. i needed someone who would help support my child and my ex was definitely not going to do that. my ex denied that my son was his baby from the beginning and i just needed help and love and support. i apologized and he forgave me. that’s all that matters.

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thewhothewhatthewhy t1_it96o8s wrote

As harsh as this sounds

You deceived your current partner because you wanted love, when that deception may very well be the reason why he feels trapped in this relationship. He knows you rely on him, especially with a kid. So you've basically burdened him with responsibility at 18 while he's still going to university/school with no approval from his parents. There's a strong likelihood that if his friends and family didn't know about the marriage, they also don't know about the kid.

Thing is, if you're willing to lie at that level, your husband is probably thinking what else have you lied about that you haven't told him.

Edit: just realized, one of the reasons why he hasn't told anyone about the marriage is the fact that you have a kid. And if they ever find out that you lied to him about the kid being his, there's even more justification on why you shouldn't be married in their eyes. Basically, he's lying and sacrificing himself to protect you, because you lied and rushed things.

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Crashpoint t1_it9iq3n wrote

This.

When I originally read OP's post, I immediately became skeptical because people don't elope and then continue to hide the marriage from their friends. The fact that the OP lied to the husband about the kid just so that he stays with her is going to make that marriage unreconcilable because he will always be worrying what she's lying about and trust is one of the pillars of a strong marriage. It is doable, but at 18 yrs old, it's highly unlikely. Just put yourself in the husband's shoes, he's having this kid, knows it's not his, may not know that he will be responsible because the kid is being born into the marriage which automatically makes him the father which will come with it's own set of consequences if the marriage doesn't work out, e.g. child support payments for a baby that's not his. All of that pressure and burden on him will put him in a really bad place mentally and based on the OP's other posts, it sounds like it already has. As others have mentioned, the best course of action here is to get therapy and counseling. Maybe the marriage can be salvaged, but if not, then yall need to make that decision before it becomes destructive.

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Saberise t1_ita2849 wrote

She said in a comment that she gave the baby up for adoption. The story makes no sense.

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Crashpoint t1_ita7vck wrote

I read that after. It still doesn't solve their marital problems, but agree with you. The post doesnt make any sense at all.

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ohgeebus_notagain t1_it9e2le wrote

>one of the reasons why he hasn't told anyone about the marriage is the fact that you have a kid. And if they ever find out that you lied to him about the kid being his, there's even more justification on why you shouldn't be married in their eyes. Basically, he's lying and sacrificing himself to protect you, because you lied and rushed things.

Yep

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MunificentDancer t1_it9asd2 wrote

> I apologized and he forgave me. That's all that matters.

U realize just because he said he forgave u doesn't mean that doesn't live in his head or doesn't bother him.

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Freakeh420 t1_it9747y wrote

no it's not. you need help kid. at least some counseling for sure.

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microbiologyismylife t1_itco8zj wrote

> i apologized and he forgave me. that’s all that matters.

Really? You don't think it matters that you can't be trusted to tell the truth? You don't think it matters that you manipulated your husband into marrying you? They were right, you're too young to be married.

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nebenbaum t1_iu85tos wrote

Holy shit you are an absolutely terrible human being.

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