> I know I need help and need to go to therapy for this sort of thing.

IMHO

1. She is jealous/defensive about you maintaining contact with someone you know. 2) She attacks you for maintaining contact with someone you know. 3) She didn't notice before speaking that the crusty pot was calling a clean kettle with a few fingerprints black. 4) She wasn't ready to take responsibility for what she said. 5) Somehow you think that you need to pay someone a pile of free money to play Sudoku while humming "uh-huh" between your sentences and to catch longer pauses with "And how does that make you feel?"

Nah. She's the one with insecurity issues to work out, and she should be appreciating you for your trust and your respect; and she should be showing that appreciation with a gratitude attitude. Your stated fact that you were not part of her social sphere till after the previous bodies were counted means that she's in a position to enjoy a clean break from that prior lifestyle, and that opportunity must be fairly shared with you in kind. Digging up old bones and trying to hit you with them is an argument that she's the one who needs a therapeutic talking-to about latent shame leading to self-sabotage behaviors.

And she will probably continue to attack her partners and self-sabotage her relationships till she learns to behave better.

That said, there was probably a more tactical way to reveal to her that she was implying that you still knowing someone you had a passing crush on was somehow a greater threat to your relationship than a half dozen bun-size frankfurters hanging in her digital meat locker than to fling them in her face, but it was at least direct and to the point leaving no room for her to twist your words. Take as the lesson learned that you should take a moment to figure out the motivations behind her attacks before returning fire, rather than coming back hard like it's a rap battle.

(And don't trade that V card anytime soon for a VD card or child support contract.)