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harleyspoison267 t1_iqziirh wrote

It's possible you inadvertently hit too close to home. My fiance and I have a pretty no holds barred style of comedy with each other, including stuff like his kids, my parents, etc. BUT his mom and him were very close and she passed away many years ago which has lead to him kind of idealizing her (she was an amazing woman by all accounts tho). He does NOT find your mom jokes funny. Even stuff I would consider innocuous like saying his mom has an old lady name (she does). This is a guy who frequently tells me with a serious face he wants to divorce me, as a joke, but I can't say a word about his mom. I could be petty and make a huge deal out of it, but the reality is, he loved her a lot, he still misses her, and it's just not funny, so I don't, as a courtesy. I completely understand making an innocent mistake. I frequently shove my feet in my mouth so I get it, but I think you owe your friend a genuine, well thought out, apology. Also understand that if this was triggering, she may need time to come to you on her own terms. That's her right. I hope it works out. I know how horrible it is to lose friends because of one stupid thing because people can't be willing to set aside and forgive.

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PixelateddPixie t1_iqzolea wrote

Just commenting to say that I really liked this comment and I completely agree. I tend to make pretty crude jokes with my friends quite often but as silly as it might sound, I really don't like any jokes that imply terrible things about or happening to my cats. It turns my mood defensive almost immediately because they are my entire life. To OP, I'll back up this comment by saying it does sound like you crossed a boundary involving your friend's mom. Give her time and she might be able to forgive the comment, but don't try to pressure her to accept your apology and just learn from this mistake moving forward in current or future friendships.

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amwcats t1_ir0vsy4 wrote

“My cats are my entire life” i roll my eyes every time I hear this

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Ocean_Spice t1_ir4bkry wrote

Some of us don’t have much to be happy about. Let us be happy about our cats, please.

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PixelateddPixie t1_ir506ki wrote

Yeah, I had to hold myself back from saying anything to this comment since it doesn't make any sense. It's no different from someone saying "Hiking is my entire life" or "My family is my entire life".

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Phenotyx t1_ir0wdxn wrote

I’m really close to my mom and I’m fairly certain I’ll be the same way

I’m incredibly protective of her. With certain friends I know they do it just to get under my skin or whatever but for the most part I really don’t like people talking poorly about my mother.

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harleyspoison267 t1_ir1a27q wrote

Yeah, i love my mom, but our relationship is complicated, so I can't relate personally. My fiance was adopted as a toddler, so I think he feels he owes his mom a lot for choosing him and advocating for him when he had a lot of behavioral issues as a kid. I can understand that.

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Phenotyx t1_ir1jnzd wrote

Ye I’m not adopted but my mom is legitimately the best human being I know or could imagine

I honestly would not be surprised if, in the afterlife, it was disclosed that she was Jesus or something like she’s what I strive to be as a human and I know I’ll never attain it.

I definitely put her on a pedestal but imo she deserves it

It’s fucked me for dating tho my standards in women are unrealistic. Not talking about looks at all.

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harleyspoison267 t1_ir1l7es wrote

You know, i just realized who this person is for me. My aunt/godmother. She is the sweetest woman with the patience of a saint, nursed both my grandparents (her in-laws) on their deathbeds in her own home even though they had five other children...She's definitely not perfect, but any time my mom criticizes her, i get really defensive because this woman has literally given everything she has to everyone without a second thought.

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elisew87 t1_ir26qj4 wrote

She sounds like a wonderful woman ❤️

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chasseur143 t1_iqzog70 wrote

I know exactly how he would feel with that. My mum passed away 4 years ago and I was close to my mum so it's kind of touchy for me (not that I get pissed off with people and say/do something to them, especially if they don't know about it) but it does hit that spot.

But it's good you know where to draw that line on that stuff and sounds like you guys are good together with being able to joke like that to each other - kind of hard to find nowadays I swear.

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farrenkm t1_ir0hbsc wrote

You two respect each other. As it should be.

Thank you for doing that. I hope you two have a long relationship together!

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harleyspoison267 t1_ir19kkr wrote

Thank you so much! We've only been together about six years, but we were long distance for most of the first half and that really forced us to grow as a couple.

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