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ASCORPIONSLAYER t1_iqluvsq wrote

Mourning wood

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VentusTrash t1_iqm01gu wrote

I think a boss from a pumpkin moon event from Terraria is called Mourning Wood

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SJane3384 t1_iqm5akv wrote

It’s also a whole section of the map in Fable III

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DwagonFyre t1_iqmbla2 wrote

There is indeed! There's also a weapon called Golden Shower and a fishing item called Master Bait. That game is so full of innuendos...

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Aus10Danger t1_iqm5sf4 wrote

That's it boys, pack this thread up. We're going home.

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Still_Veterinarian11 t1_iqm2jax wrote

nah here take my shitty award bc i’m broke and i cant give you the real deal🏅🏆

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Cijj t1_iqlt9wv wrote

Well, you were looking up NSFW material during your grandmas funeral.

You should’ve just cried. I don’t get the whole “pushing to not let that happen” thing anymore. Just cry sometimes, it feels good and it’s a necessary relief valve for your emotions. You know, like being horny just for other things.

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[deleted] OP t1_iqltmpi wrote

[deleted]

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Cijj t1_iqltw0q wrote

I can totally relate to that spiraling into the NSFW thoughts :D you just backed yourself into a corner. I usually feel suffocated because I fight it back. It took me a while but once you just let those tears flow and ugly cry you’ll realize how liberating that can be.

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Pea-and-Pen t1_iqmdwsj wrote

I don’t think people can always control their emotions during grief. My husbands aunt committed suicide and my mother in law was truly distraught. They were very close and it came out of nowhere for her. During the visitation my mother in law started laughing really loud in the chapel. The aunts husband was glaring at her and it was so very awkward.

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kochameh2 t1_iqmc18i wrote

>You know, like being horny just for other things.

so crying is just like masturbating the sad part of your brain and the tears are the ejaculate of your heart

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Fury2525 t1_iqmi131 wrote

This is not something I thought I'd read today, but I'm glad I did.

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jeromebettis11 t1_iqlwah3 wrote

If you're about to cry and don't want to, stop and think about baseball

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loosecanon413 t1_iqm28b1 wrote

Context clues tell us OP is a Brit. So maybe cricket or something. Or maybe baseball will still work? Perhaps its boner-killing powers know no international boundaries?

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BlahMan06 t1_iqltusr wrote

Faaaaaaaaaaakeeeee

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SecretExtra-3836 t1_iqm29zk wrote

Yeah all the American words mixed in with random British stuff. Plus taking a flight home in enough FS.

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tisnik t1_iqngjhb wrote

Words are irrelevant. I'm Czech (not native English speaker) and I use wanna and want to in one text. Same with pants or trousers. Pavement and sidewalk. Underground and subway. Color and colour.

I simply use the word that just comes to my fingers.

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SecretExtra-3836 t1_iqq8t94 wrote

That's fair, but not for natives unfortunately. Dialects have a strong influence.

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blagsan82 t1_iqlsryv wrote

And this whole time you didn't think of adjusting it up to your waistband to hide it? Before you stood up to walk to the casket.

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[deleted] OP t1_iqltbll wrote

[deleted]

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MyWifeDontKnowItsMe t1_iqlv3x4 wrote

>refused to bend away from being horizontal

The fuck kind of erections are you getting?

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Mediocre-Employee-73 t1_iqlxxi6 wrote

Ones that don't reach the waistband.

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eatenbyalion t1_iqm292u wrote

Or the ones so strong they pop their head over for a look around.

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Chipneck t1_iqm664b wrote

Hate when that happens, even moreso when it forces the waistband all the way down, below the shaft.

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sanne2 t1_iqmbj0i wrote

Wait you guys can bend your erect penises?? mine never ever bends is there something wrong with me lmao

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prob_wont_respond t1_iqmbx10 wrote

What? The whole thing, towards the waistband. This isn't odd, like, fire normal sex needs. what if the girl on you leaned forward?

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Malak77 t1_iqmd7hq wrote

They are naturally at some kind of angle, which can vary. I guess some guys are more horizontal, but a 45 angle or less is most common.

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chahoua t1_iqmfzyf wrote

Well not really bend in the middle but you should be able to pull the entire thing in so it lays up against your body.

When you're having missionary sex your dick is basically in this position too. It's not standing straight out from your body.

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sanne2 t1_iqmj94c wrote

i can just slightly bend it but i never could lay it on my body when its erect, maybe i should see a doctor lol

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NeedNameGenerator t1_iqms83v wrote

Wait what?

I can move mine around like a joystick. Left, right, up, down... Even northwest if I'm feeling wild.

It doesn't bend the penis at all, simply chooses a direction it points to.

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clawsofking t1_iqlsk53 wrote

Well after paying your respects, the corpse didn't turn you off either😂

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-Ohhh- t1_iqm0eiw wrote

Reddit try not to lie challenge

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1senseye t1_iqlx8c7 wrote

Yes this happened! I was the grandma!

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charlie_do_562 t1_iqm13ux wrote

These creative writing pieces get better every month!

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tisnik t1_iqnfxp2 wrote

I missed it! And OP deleted the story. :'(

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TJNel t1_iqm2wwe wrote

So you look up and continue to scroll through porn in public? Not sure how much I'm buying what you are trying to sell.

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tisnik t1_iqng5l2 wrote

I do it in a train or bus, noone pays attention to what you have on your phone.

But funeral?? :)

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marasydnyjade t1_iqlucms wrote

You couldn’t hide it with your jacket or your sister’s handbag? There are options here.

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[deleted] OP t1_iqluxs5 wrote

[deleted]

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llRedII t1_iqly7pl wrote

I would have just not gotten up lol. just act like ure crying or whatever, just stall. nothing could have been worse than getting up and showing everyone ur boner lol

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HmmWhatNameToPick t1_iqlt5ik wrote

Boner champ. Not even his dead grandmother could make that thing go away.

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Ju4nPablo t1_iqlwubq wrote

>taking it pretty hard

gif

Oh wait...

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ThomasBKlein t1_iqm5hcl wrote

Sounds like you really took her passing hard.

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Darth_Iggy t1_iqm7gx2 wrote

Why would you look at your phone for ANY reason other than an emergency at a funeral? The worst part is you’re making me feel old for having to reprimand “kids today”, but seriously grow up. You don’t have a lot of “grandma’s funerals”. Be present.

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turdburglar2969 t1_iqly706 wrote

TIL the tuck up method not basic instinct for everyone as I previously believed it was

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WaitingOnPizza t1_iqmapkh wrote

Maybe he wasn’t wearing any pants.

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turdburglar2969 t1_iqmbq6o wrote

Wtf are you talking about lol... pants aren't exclusive to making the tuck up work lmao... all you need is something with a waistband.

He could even be wearing a skirt bc he realized a few years ago he was a pilot dropped into the wrong plane but he's gotta work with the parts he was given... and know he's wearing a skirt bc he's gonna be his/her true self... as long as there is a fuckin wristband that dicks gonna be tucked up!

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sprucay t1_iqmcqoe wrote

See, I've tried that before and it just hurt

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turdburglar2969 t1_iqmr4wc wrote

You definitely weren't doing it right. Go watch the movie Superbad if Googling how to do it isn't an option for you

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fotren t1_iqlwmyp wrote

Fuck my reading skills. I honestly thought you googled your grandma’s friend who was a nude model and got a hard on. I had to scroll back, if I missed a part where your grandma had young friend or something…

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Slave35 t1_iqluxk6 wrote

Grief boner.

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bulb98 t1_iqlwvyv wrote

>It looked to everyone like I was pitching a tent after seeing my Grandma’s corpse!

Sorry buddy but lmaoooooo 😂💀

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mykosyko t1_iqm6der wrote

LPT for the future. To instantly kill a Boner clench your thighs as hard as you can. Diverts blood away

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Skizzybee t1_iqm8elp wrote

I don't buy this story. You care about your grandmother enough to fly home but not enough to be quiet and not look at nudity on your phone during the funeral.

Whether you made this up or this really happened, you've revealed yourself to be very immature.

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AaronVsMusic t1_iqm8r0u wrote

> She probably thought I was looking up NSFW material during my grandma’s funeral.

You literally were lol

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pettyclassymolassy t1_iqlt9dj wrote

I feel really sorry for guys sometimes, to not be able to control something so.. central

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Eastern_History_1719 t1_iqm9i9f wrote

“She probably thought I was looking up NSFW material during my grandmas funeral”

Well I mean….that’s exactly what you were doing

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heeyyyyooo t1_iqly9w6 wrote

Need to tuck that hog under your waistband dude. Makes it less noticeable.

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senorbuzz t1_iqm8byl wrote

So is someone getting off to this weird grandma corpse fan fiction? This sub has gone downhill so fast.

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HavokMan48 t1_iqm3b0w wrote

For future reference, tensing your legs as hard as you can several times in a row will very quickly get rid of it

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Stealthmenace t1_iqm6sdz wrote

I’ll take, “shit that didn’t really happen,” for $2000 Alex

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NathanDarcy t1_iqm0nay wrote

This just reminds me of the giggle loop episode of 'Coupling'.

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mwaaahfunny t1_iqm5za2 wrote

To know about the giggle loop is to become PART of the giggle loop.

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bbcard1 t1_iqm43g3 wrote

I had a friend who attended a funeral while on LSD. When the corpse started breathing, he decided he's better leave.

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brownntown93 t1_iqm5zlm wrote

There’s something I’m not buying here

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ice12916 t1_iqm8i8w wrote

Sweet-totally-true story, bro

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rdgrdmdfld t1_iqmb45l wrote

> There was a nun there. She was staring daggers. She probably thought I was looking up NSFW material during my grandma’s funeral.

well, weren't you?

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liebkartoffel t1_iqmeojh wrote

But it was therapeutic porn! You know, to distract him from his grief.

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liebkartoffel t1_iqmdq66 wrote

"The way the Church in Sunbury-On-Thames is designed, there are balconies on the second floor that has a direct view of the seating area. There was a nun there. She was staring daggers. She probably thought I was looking up NSFW material during my grandma’s funeral."

The presence of a nun would indicate that this is a Roman Catholic church. 30 seconds of Googling reveals that there is precisely one Catholic church in Sunbury-on-Thames: St. Ignatius. St Ignatius is a lovely little church in the Victorian Gothic Revival style, but alas it has no balconies. Gotta do better research before you submit these writing prompts, bud.

Also, I'm guessing a local would just refer to the town as "Sunbury," or at the very least wouldn't capitalize the "On" in Sunbury-on-Thames.

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Lem0n_Lem0n t1_iqlur0q wrote

God's blessed your penis that day sir...

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alazae2006 t1_iqlxlhp wrote

NSFF maybe. Not safe for funeral.

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adveeb t1_iqm01ek wrote

I can only say one thing: waistband

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Scar_face5 t1_iqm1mr5 wrote

My grandma's funeral is today. Pray I don't get a boner!

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Aedzy t1_iqm1pvn wrote

This is you going to hell kind of stuff.

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NxPat t1_iqm5fnf wrote

Guaranteed that nun’s image will reappear next time you’re feeling woody.

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Alphascout t1_iqm5fvc wrote

Just try not to get think of grandma next time you get an erection…

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nyoomur t1_iqm5q8x wrote

“That woman is going to kill me with her hotness!”

-R.I.P Grandma

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ItchingForTrouble t1_iqm648j wrote

The nun probably was just mad she couldn't give you a hand in your moment of grief.

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scaptal t1_iqm76y6 wrote

The thought of me dead gives you AN ERECTION?!

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jonchampagne t1_iqm7a05 wrote

"I took a flight back home and have been taking it pretty hard."

Yeah you have.

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Hisoka_ohne_T t1_iqm8k5h wrote

You better learn the leg squeeze technique it’s a life safer.

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Dragonpapi t1_iqm8k6m wrote

Dawg, what is up with Reddit and getting horny by their own grandmas? This is like the 4th post I’ve seen in the last two weeks

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Yalaus75 t1_iqmai72 wrote

A death in the family is hard on everyone.

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Malak77 t1_iqmdg7g wrote

Ironically in High School, the way I would destroy erections before class changes was to think about grandma. Not sure why you did not do the same thing.

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Tucor92 t1_iqlst1e wrote

Hahahahahahahahaha

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ireadfaces t1_iqlx76l wrote

My heart goes out to you grandma (from a different place)

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Chakra_rarara t1_iqm3t3e wrote

Thank you, this makes me feel like my fuck ups are significantly less embarrassing.

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PurpleDancer t1_iqm7esz wrote

At your age I would just assume the clock has struck a number ending in 5 again.

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Seany2Sweet t1_iqmavxt wrote

Just don’t stand up lol sit and cry or something bro

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cwfs1007 t1_iqmb8fx wrote

Why on Earth wouldn't you stay seated until it went away? Or walked out of the room for a minute? Surely any excuse for either of those scenarios would be better than showing everyone your boner.

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torn2bits t1_iqmd2i9 wrote

The title is cliiiiiick bait 100%

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Pegasus2731 t1_iqmd4nr wrote

You can flex your stomach muscles or leg muscles and it will influence the boner away because of blood flow in your body. It works every time.

This won't happen now but it could be a helpful tip.

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Left-Coast4687 t1_iqmdkui wrote

i mean he rlly did take it pretty hard ig

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durpyscorpion t1_iqme3th wrote

Lol didn’t expect a post from a Sunbury lad, i’m from Shepperton

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Tatoon83 t1_iqmefhl wrote

> I took a flight back home and I’ve been taking it pretty hard

giggles

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Mindraker t1_iqmev8u wrote

I'm sure alt.necrophilia still exists

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PassoutPierce t1_iqmho8g wrote

I woukd say it's just a nrb. No reason boner. For anyone who hasn't had qn nrb or seen one. It's like morning wood but any other time

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JaxRalPartha t1_iscy8ne wrote

everything reminds me of her...

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Kophiwright t1_iqlzma3 wrote

"Oh my god, he's got an erection!"

"The thought of me dead gives you an erection?!"

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Ecob16 t1_iqm4t2t wrote

Are we not doing phrasing any more?

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MurderDoneRight t1_iqm33t5 wrote

That's impressive usually you wave your pole at half-chub when something bad happened.

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SPAKMITTEN t1_iqm41se wrote

Ashes to ashes

Dust to dust

Use it well

or it might rust

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C0D3N4MEP1NK t1_iqlu3dd wrote

How big is your dick ? we have all done this i dont get it hiding ?? what?

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S-Vagus t1_iqm2s0c wrote

No worries grandma. Grandpop was a complete alcoholic asshole that deserves to die and never needs to be healed or resurrected.

To the dusts of memory and the sands of time.

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