TIFU by keeping an addiction a secret from my partner.

Submitted by Time_Mail_9564 t3_11twml1 in tifu

I (18m) have been addicted to weed for around a year now. I don’t understand why but for a really long time it felt like i needed to smoke every chance i could get. I smoked every single night for around a year. I also want to clarify that I don't think weed is a bad drug, and there are people who smoke more than me. Weed has very good medicinal properties and it can be really harmless. the problem with me is that it is starting to affect my physical health, with my lungs. I also have tried quitting multiple times to no effect. I feel like at times I cant quit even if I wanted to, I just have no self control. At the start of my addiction, I met my beautiful and amazing girlfriend (18f) and our relationship bloomed and grew during this time period. She and all my friends knew that I smoked to an extent. they didn’t know that I was smoking almost every day. I have tried many times to quit to no prevail, from throwing away my weed and dab pen to just buying a new one when I was craving. It’s been a really really hard time in my life Recently I have been on another quit mission. I have not smoked in around 2 weeks (huge deal for me!). while having this addiction I have been keeping it hidden from my friends and my girlfriend. I wanted it to be something I dealt with myself and didn’t think it was important. During one of my “quit” breaks I told my girlfriend that I would officially stop smoking. I did for around a month but when I got back into it, I then started keeping it a secret from everyone cause I was embarrassed to fail at quitting so fast. This lie spiraled more and more as I kept smoking every night for a long time. There was one time where my girlfriend looked me in my eyes and asked me if I was smoking again. That if I was, I could tell her the truth and that she wouldn’t be mad. I just couldn’t. I lied to her face, and told her that I haven’t been smoking. I have been wanting to tell her for awhile now but once you start a lie, it’s so easy to keep digging.

Eventually this leads us to today. we were lying in bed about to go to sleep when I couldn’t take it anymore, i needed to tell her. so I did. she was heartbroken, she felt like her first was completely betrayed. She was so shocked that she didn’t know what to even say. We talked about it for an hour, her asking me questions and me answering honestly. stuff like “how often and when we’re you smoking” or “did you plan to quit when you told me the amount you were smoking?” after these questions she decided to go home for the night.

I think I have ruined a perfect relationship and I couldn’t be sadder. addiction is really hard man, It made me do things I would never do. but of course this is not an excuse.

TLDR- lied about an addiction to my girlfriend for over a year and finally decided to tell her the truth which has ruined our relationship

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Van_GOOOOOUGH t1_jcl954v wrote

r/Leaves is a support community for people going through the same thing, their marijuana love/hate/trying to quit

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jackpandanicholson t1_jcl8n9v wrote

If you would lie to someone you love when they tell you they don't mind if you tell the truth, how could you be trusted telling the truth when the admission would be taken poorly?

You've broken her trust, but by telling her and making this post you are being truthful with yourself.

You should seek therapy if not already, and seek out other activities at night to replace what you are saying is a negative usage of a drug. Go to the gym, play video games, knit, do something positive to replace your time smoking and distract your brain.

Have something to show for yourself and for your girlfriend. Write a poem every night and give it to her to show you are dedicated both to changing and to healing your relationship. Even though she didn't even care about the smoking, if you can prove you can change such a habitual thing about self, you can hopefully prove that you can commit to building your trust back with her again.

I'm a random person on the Internet reading this post to be pass time, talk to a therapist.

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Time_Mail_9564 OP t1_jcl4h4p wrote

to clarify even more, I have other problems with my lungs and smoking is making my lungs worse.

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UnadvertisedAndroid t1_jclez16 wrote

Then quit. Marijuana isn't addictive, the behavior, or routine, is what you're 'addicted' to. Change your routine.

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KingStrongSad t1_jcusilp wrote

Marijuana is, in fact, addictive. Depending on what study you look at, roughly 10%-30% of people get addicted to marijuana. (Link is good for other information about the good and bad of marijuana.) The behavior and routine is definitely addictive too. People who smoke tobacco definitely have the same problem.

OP, rather than smoking if you are actually using it for medical purposes, try baking it into food. That way you still get the medical benefits, but there won't be smoke cause problems lungs.

OP, also note that marijuana is not good for your brain development. Most people's brains aren't fully developed until 25-years-old. If possible, get access to CDB oil and use that instead of marijuana. THC is the primary culprit for brain development problems from marijuana, and if you can cut that part out, you'll be doing yourself the most help.

Seek help from medical professionals. A therapist may be enough. You might need to get a prescription from a medical doctor for CBD oil.

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RRoyale57 t1_jcldyz5 wrote

Hey I’m also in a relationship with Mary Jane! Leave her alone she’s mine!

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TinyMystery1 t1_jclbgof wrote

I’m sorry that you’ve had to struggle through this alone. I think you did the right thing by “coming clean” even if it might lead to the end of your relationship. Being held accountable and being true to yourself is more important for your recovery at this stage in your life than your relationship, doesn’t mean it’s not going to hurt like hell though. I would encourage you to seek medical help if you aren’t already. There are lots of online therapy options that have made it a tiny bit easier to get the courage to seek therapy and/or medical advice. I’m in no way encouraging you to keep getting high, but as you make your transition to becoming clean I would highly suggest eating edibles instead of smoking the weed during any lapses in weed usage. Yes it would be best to quit all together, but if you ever do decide to get high again then edibles will help protect your lungs and whatever medical condition is affecting them.

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StrikeStraight9961 t1_jcp28qn wrote

Dry herb vaporizer, edibles, or tincture. Do you not use google or something?

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rrickitickitavi t1_jclcovk wrote

This relationship was always doomed. Weed people need to be with another weed person. Non-weed people need to be with other non-weed people.

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benzillaaaa t1_jclfnx4 wrote

This is just so false wtf. People can have different tastes and hobbies. I play video games and my partner doesn't, we have somewhat varying tastes in music. I play sports and she doesn't. She has different tastes in media (films/tv/social media) but that makes me see and do things I normally wouldn't and that's okay. You don't have to have the same habits and tastes as your partner (we have been happily together for 3 years). Non-weed people need to he with other non-weed people is fucking nonsense. This relationship isn't doomed and saying that to an 18 year old is misleading, misguided and irresponsible. OP do not listen to this dingle.

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rrickitickitavi t1_jclh74o wrote

OP doesn’t smoke occasionally. They smoke daily. No partner who doesn’t smoke at all is ever going to be fine with that. It’s nothing like the hobbies you mention.

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benzillaaaa t1_jclhzjh wrote

Idk where you get this notion from lol you're probably young. I know tons of adult couples where one is a stoner and the other is not. For reference I don't smoke anymore and my partner does and I could not care less about their habit. Saying stuff like never and can't or won't just shows how narrowminded this viewpoint is. I promise you that stoners can date non stoners...i can't believe I have to defend this point lol yall are reaaaally immature. I get that the poster is young and likely impressionable and I hope they speak to a professional and not get their advice from inexperienced people on reddit. Smh

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rrickitickitavi t1_jcln9pf wrote

There are always unicorns

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benzillaaaa t1_jclnjw9 wrote

Maybe don't be so definitive in your advice then? Saying stuff like NEVER will make OP feel hopeless.

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rrickitickitavi t1_jclolch wrote

This relationship is hopeless. Girlfriend clearly hates weed. That's why OP felt compelled to lie. This relationship is unrepairable.

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benzillaaaa t1_jcliejh wrote

If someone uses weed for medical reasons everyday, should their dating pool only consist of other people who smoke weed? I am baffled by this comment honestly and that you're so headstrong about it. I promise you that it can work out if they're open and honest about it. Become less reliant on it, sure, but they can date who they want to regardless of their habit.

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