Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

CosmicTuesday t1_jcuzfsm wrote

Coming from the perspective of a woman, take some space from her, she’ll likely need space after this. Either way, the dynamic has changed. Her new boyfriend probably didn’t already like that you guys stayed friends, and now that you’ve confessed you still love her it’ll put tension on that relationship.

He will probably want her to cut all ties, she might not want to as she still cares about you — you guys remained friends. However, he will counter her argument against it by arguing she still has feelings for you.

Additionally, it might be worth it to reconsider your friendship with the friends who pushed you to text her. You’ve probably told them she’s in a new relationship, and knowing that, they still pushed you to text her while in an inebriated state. Friends don’t do that.

Also, we really don’t know without the context of what the calls and texts contained.

5

Gaimcap t1_jcv8s2c wrote

>Friends don’t do that.

Eh… I can definitely see a case where OP is constantly pinning after their ex and complaining or moping about it to his friends, and they constantly tell him for his own sake to either cut her off or go for it, and eventually they’re just kind of sick of constantly hearing about the perpetual state of miserable limbo he’s keeping himself in—both because they care about him, and are also tried of him being a dumbass—and so they push him to do something drastic.

Pushing him to do it while he’s blackout drunk and she’s in a relationship is pretty awful, but I could see how a friend might actually think that their current situation is so toxic anyway, that anything is better than maintaining the status quo.

Are those good friends? Probably not, but I can tell you from similar situations and dynamics (both as a participant and an outside observer) that friendship’s are a two way street, and infinite patience and unconditional love and support is not—and should not be—a thing from anyone but maybe your parents.

I’ve had a couple of friends that were in similar situations and the first few months it’s easy to empathize and be completely supportive, but after a few years of trying to get them to do anything, you start to feel like the friendship is a one way street where everything always becomes about them and their issues, and like your own friendship dynamics is completely unhealthy and starting to become drain that’s negatively affecting you.

It’s not great for anyone involved, but sometimes that’s the reality.

4

germandude212 OP t1_jcz9tyb wrote

Yeah, problem with cut all ties is that her BF and I, switched places. I'm her new best friend and her ex-Best friend is her new BF. Its pretty complicated. Her BF said nothing to this or nothing I know about to this situation. I'm not sure if she told him but her best girlfriend(who I'm also good friends with) said she did and I believe her

1