TIFU by falling in love with a catfish

Submitted by Majestic-Lion1254 t3_11jszc3 in tifu

I'm gonna put the part which i wrote when i woke up at 6 am unable to stop thinking about the situation 4 days ago first and then an update on how the situation progressed from there. I guess this is a warning to you all about how manipulative and charming these psychos on the internet can be.

Part 1:

Honestly, I think this is still a TIFU in the making, but I just feel like I need to get it out of my system. I’ve been talking to a girl online for 3,5 weeks now and we both feel like we click extremely well, like with no one else before. We are 28M/30F. But the problem is that we simply haven’t been able to meet. She works as a doctor and has been telling me the whole time that her coworkers are sick and she is covering a lot more work at the hospital and thus exhausted. I believe she also had some issues trusting me at the start because of my own stupid mistake. About a week in we had one such a very specific conversation where we both felt the spark and the convo turned into sexual innuendos. My mistake then was inviting her over to my place to watch a movie. She did reply that the idea sounds good, but she is too exhausted from work at the moment and would let me know next week. So I gave her my number without her asking and told her to text me on whatsapp, which she didn’t do. I had asked for her facebook once before we had that spark moment as well and she told me she wants to keep talking on the dating site.

So 3 days goes by without any answer to me sharing my number with her and I thought I had fucked up. I wrote to her on valentines day and our spark continued like before and we pretty much haven’t stopped talking since then. Our conversations go on through the whole day (we text for 9 hours straight sometimes...) and turn into constant innuendos and one night our conversation turned very sexual, we basically wrote erotica to each other and she told me she was extremely wet and bothered. I honestly had no idea I was capable of turning on a woman so much through text. I started having very strong feelings for her and could barely even sleep 3-4 hours. And the next day I found out that she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about me for awhile now. That night she was very close to coming over, asking for my address and such. But since we were both tired and I think she still wasn’t able to fully trust me, it didn’t happen. She even told me she is trying very hard not to think with her vagina. I should mention here a fact that makes all this even more difficult: she has had stalkers before, a guy that followed her home from work and another who kept messaging her friends of facebook after she rejected him. So I completely understand her.

And now guess what, she caught COVID. By now I’ve realized my fuckup and I asked her on a proper dinner date when she gets better, about which she of course mentioned how on the date she probably wouldn't be able to keep her hands off me and have to pull me into the toilet with her to fuck and a whole bunch of more text followed about how much we want each other and how we’ll just show up to the date naked and assert our dominance to the other couples lmfao. So I guess in the end, I really fucking hope she does meet me because I have never felt like this about anyone and she has told me the same. And whats fucked up is we both realize that we are kinda stuck in fantasy at the moment, but at the same time it seems we have both demonstrated the things that we value in a partner to eachother. Not just her desire for me and sex. She has shown me caring, warmness and we are both funny as fuck to each other. And it scares the hell out of me. After all this she is still dodging my request for her facebook. I can completely see it from her perspective, she can’t truly know I won’t act like a stalker, but it just makes me feel like she is hiding something… I guess there isn’t really much to do besides wait out her covid and hope for the best. I feel like she is my soulmate, but im very afraid of getting hurt. I didn’t know a woman was capable of feeling this way about me because my past relationships have been really shit by comparison. Today I woke up again after 4 hours and felt the need to write this because I was literally feeling nauseous from love sickness.

Part 2:

I am writing this part after the whole thing fell apart.

She kept messaging me sweet good morning texts every day that made me feel all warm and cared for, we discussed our futures together, what we want out of life. And the way we riff off each other with jokes was just unreal. I had shown her the art I make and she was absolutely stunned. We discussed such intimate details of our lives that it felt like we truly are in a relationship and she joked about running over to me with a ring because on paper i am the perfect man for her and even if i turned out to be a fraction of what we have online she is sold on me. She finally set up a meeting date with me on Friday.

Then, another guy on the website messaged me. He told me not to believe anything she says and claims to have found her real facebook profile. I looked it up and confirmed that many things she had told me line up with her feed. Only the picture was of a completely different person, still extremely attractive, but different nonetheless. She had told me she's a doctor, likes singing, loves dogs a lot, invited me to hike at a bog on our first date. The facebook profile was a doctor, pictures of her at singing events, multiple posts shared of dog shelters and love of dogs, cover photos are all of bogs. She works at the anaesthesiology clinic at my local hospital. I am fucking terrified of what would've happened if i went to the bog with her. I confronted her about this guy messaging me and she started freaking out that she knew his handwriting was similar to one of her mentally ill ex-es who has some kinda love crazies about her for 10 years already. She told me she needs to withdraw from the situation because on top of covid she has to deal with her stalker returning as well. I decided I can't trust the pictures she sent me anymore and asked her to send me a selfie where she does a special symbol with her fingers. She replied "Yeah gonna be a great picture with my cried off face..." To the end she kept saying how much she cares about me and I don't deserve to be dragged into this mess. And then she deleted her profile on the site.

I kept talking with the other dude, he told me they've been talking for the same time as me and mentioned a lot of the same details she had told me, how he's the only one who can get her wet like that, asking for address and calculating how fast she could get there, descriptions of erotic things she would do, etc. I am just completely mindfucked. I feel like i've developed some major trust issues from this ordeal.

TL;DR: Met a woman online, who seemed to be the absolute perfect fit for me, our conversations flowing so naturally and humorously, making future plans and telling how much we care about each other. Only for a guy to show up and show me he found her real profile where everything fits, besides the pictures. Her of course claiming this guy is her psycho stalker ex. I am 99% sure i know her real profile and she's a real doctor working at an anaesthesiology clinic. I'm sure you can get the implication.

EDIT: On second thought, i think the real doctor's profile is too convenient to the story. I think her identity was just stolen. And the aneaesthesiology thing is convenient to scare people off from actually messaging her.

EDIT2: Found the person who the pics are from through Pimeyes after trying many other search engines. It couldn't find the exact pictures, but the resemblence is like 95%. They're from a dating site in a country next to mine.

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Comments

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OceanSupernova t1_jb48gni wrote

What happened to video chat? Honestly it's been so many years since I've done this but don't things like private video calls on omegle still exist?

I'm probably thinking of something different because Omegle doesn't have the option to invite to chat but there's definitely options other than WhatsApp, if she has trust issues suggest both creating throwaway accounts on a video chat site.

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FlyGuy_2000 t1_jb497tj wrote

How did the other guy know you and her were messaging each other? What if they are both either in on the scam, or the same person?

I encountered a similar situation on Match.com 25 years ago with a doctor named "Trisha" who lived in Seattle. We emailed each other all day long. Then out of the blue someone who claimed he was an ex emailed me, told me she was playing him and me, and wanted to meet up to exchange notes. So we did, and this guy was pretty cool and then started calling and wanting to hang out. Turns out he was gay and was "Trisha" all along. Long story, didn't want to hijack your thread, but just a warning.

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Majestic-Lion1254 OP t1_jb4am95 wrote

Replying to OceanSupernova (#2,171,012)

Yeah i really should've asked for either a video chat or a picture of her doing the finger symbol a long time ago. I just didn't want to believe someone was capable of such manipulation. She built the narrative of not trusting me, so i felt the need to prove myself that i care about her enough to wait for her.

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Synesterfate t1_jb4u33a wrote

Damnit I totally thought this was going to be someone telling us about their torrid love affair with a bottom feeding whiskered fish…

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catnip-craze t1_jb5gpnr wrote

I'm not positive she wasn't not telling the truth tbh, at least from what I'm reading. Yeah the profile picture is a lie for sure, however I'm not sure about the rest of it, but follow your gut.

In my early 20s, I dated someone who kept messaging me from different numbers after we broke up, often pretending to be someone else. He even messaged my study abroad group, my dad, people I dated afterwards. I have no idea how he found them since I had him blocked everywhere. Still do.

So she may be telling the truth, using someone else's picture so he couldn't find her. Since she's attractive, maybe she was going to explain the different photos in person as a way to avoid him. Some asshole may be getting in the way of her happiness.

I'm probably projecting on the situation due to my past though.

I wish you all luck in finding love!

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AzLibDem t1_jb5ife6 wrote

"Follow me to the Springfield Aquarium"

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whitebreadtaco t1_jb5lofl wrote

So…how did this guy get your info to msg you? Maybe he’s the catfish?

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garry4321 t1_jb5pxe5 wrote

So you are in love with someone who you havent even video chatted with?

How much of a virgin are you?

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Undefined92 t1_jb5w4se wrote

I met a 'girl' on a dating site who also refused to phone, video chat or meet up in person, she kept bringing up cryptocurrency investments and I thankfully realised it was a scam on the third day. It's amazing how much horniness will cloud our rationality!

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Majestic-Lion1254 OP t1_jb5xnd0 wrote

Replying to Mnerna (#2,173,410)

Fucking hell, i kept talking to the guy about our experience. Eventually he gave me his facebook. I took a look and he has no profile pic, but in one of the pictures he mentions a very specific mall that the woman claimed to have lived near once. On top of that, one of the women in the comments used the word "Absolutely!" which the person on the site also used a lot. So it could be 3 things: they were working together on this, it was just him all along or he is actually the stalker ex that she used to live with.

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Majestic-Lion1254 OP t1_jb5ywlk wrote

Replying to catnip-craze (#2,172,878)

Yeah idk what to think. She seemed too good to be true tbh and the guy told me some very specific details, same exact phrases she had told me. I kept talking to the guy about our experience. Eventually he gave me his facebook. I took a look and he has no profile pic, but in one of the pictures he mentions a very specific mall that the woman claimed to have lived near once. On top of that, one of the women in the comments used the word "Absolutely!" which the person on the site also used a lot. So it could be 3 things: they were working together on this, it was just him all along or he is actually the stalker ex that she used to live with.

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CunnyMaggots t1_jb61su2 wrote

Replying to Synesterfate (#2,171,768)

Yeah I thought I was on r/aquariums at first. Figured some unsuspecting soul bought a red tailed cat for $4 at a pet store and a couple years later, he's taking out a loan to build it a swimming pool. Because now it weighs 35 pounds... lol.

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Whateverandever01 t1_jb61vmy wrote

Replying to Majestic-Lion1254 (#2,171,064)

We all have to believe it, unfortunately.. people are capable of all sorts of underhanded, manipulative mind games. I was once pretty naive as well.

I didn't experience quite this situation, but I certainly experienced a situation with someone that presented a completely distorted narrative of their life to me. They were sleeping with multiple people, lying to all of them, and basically living different lives online and off. They even had unprotected sex with many different people in a short space of time (some of whom were met online or dating sites, others not) - potentially exposing all of them to any number of STIs. At the time I was completely shocked and so disturbed when I found out. I really didn't think that I would ever get wrapped up in that kind of thing.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but at least it's over and you didn't end up meeting someone like this in person and have them carry on the double life/charade afterwards.

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beerandasmoke t1_jb6581w wrote

It's over now but what have you learned from this experience? Don't trust strangers on the internet until you can confirm what they are telling you. She could have been telling the truth but all the shady stuff she was texting and excuses for not meeting or video chatting makes me seriously doubt it. The one time I tried internet dating I fell madly in love with the woman and turns out she was married and leading a double life with me. Pissed me off and I shunned dating anyone till I got to know them.

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Arresto_Momentum t1_jb66xvx wrote

I think the biggest alarm here should have been at the beginning, when she said she was having to cover other doctors work, but then could be free to message 9 hours a day? Definitely not going to have that kind of time as a doctor, let alone an anesthesiologist

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FlyGuy_2000 t1_jb672gr wrote

Replying to Majestic-Lion1254 (#2,173,802)

The end goal usually revolves around money. Establish that she is a doctor and thus gainfully employed. Then concoct an emergency where she doesn't have access to funds and needs to borrow, with you coming as the knight in shining armor to save the one you love, and her promising to pay you back. Rinse and repeat.

Or it can be a creep getting thrills out of fooling people.

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ohsolomeo t1_jb67m81 wrote

NGL I really thought he meant an actual catfish

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Majestic-Lion1254 OP t1_jb69i4z wrote

Replying to FlyGuy_2000 (#2,174,063)

I don't believe it was about scamming me out of money. Tbh i've seen ads for jobs that claim to be "website moderator" but in actuality you get paid 70 cents for each sexual message you send to someone, thus the longer you keep them on the hook the more you earn. My mistake was that the person seemed too genuine to me. There was even periods where they didn't msg me for a few days.

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octopus_tigerbot t1_jb6cg9j wrote

Apparently someone watched Shape of Water too many times. P.s. I didn't read your post.

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cantaskthecat t1_jb8f39o wrote

And i thought it was an actual fish...I'm disappointed. (not an English native speaker)

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Agile_Pear_8823 t1_jd1ki0v wrote

I understand how catfishing happens when there are people like you out there. An "extremely attractive" doctor who is super turned on by you and amazed by your art work. Right.

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