So I had a first interview today for a new job….zoom interview on camera. I wake up this morning and my internet is completely down at my house and my hotspot service at my house doesn’t cut it for video chats. So I decide I’m going to get ready and go to the Starbucks by my house to take this call. It’s worth noting, on the way to Starbucks I start feeling a little nauseous, no big deal, but notable.

So here I am at Starbucks, I get all set up and logged in and zoom tested and I’m waiting for the CFO to join the call and honestly forgot I was even a little nauseous. About 15 minutes into the interview I get cold sweats and my stomach is tumbling….🤨

Now all I can think of is, “Hold it together for 45 minutes!” Then I’m like, “That’s a long time!” I start freaking out.

For the next fifteen minutes the nausea continues to slowly build and rise from the pit of my stomach toward my throat, the sweats are intensifying, the interview seems to be going ok, but all I can think about is this feeling in my stomach. I am more than qualified for the position and could probably talk about it under just about any circumstances.

It’s worth noting now, that I absolutely do not throw up…like it’s got to have been 15 to 20 years since the last time I threw up for any reason. Not a brag, just a fact.

About this time I can feel a feeling that, although not familiar, is definitely recognizable….I need to yak!

I’m like, ok…this is happening. I quickly stopped the CFO mid sentence and mumbled Would you please excuse me for a minute?!” Turned my camera off and RAN to the bathroom…

Never in my life has something this disgusting happened to me, it was like the exorcist! All four walls of that bathroom and the floor were coated in the massive projectile vomit sesh that ensued. I tried so hard to make it to the toilet, but alas. Oh, and the pressure of me gagging and yakking made me shit my pants before I could get them down around my ankles.

So now I’m standing in this Starbucks bathroom, covered in vomit and shit, surrounded by vomit and s, CFO still sitting on that Zoom call outside, and OH Shit….I realize my phone is sitting out there too. I start to melt down. What am I going to do?

Luckily (if we can even use that word right now), I remembered had my Apple Watch on me. I was able to call my wife, who was also in the Starbucks working from another table, to come help me. Now she’s in the restroom gagging and heaving and I tell her just to get out. She leaves to try to sort it out with Starbucks.

Turns out the Starbucks employees are all really nice and accommodating and tell us just to go and they will take care of it. My wife had to go to my interview call and let the CFO know (minus the details) that I had gotten sick and I was mortified and so sorry but I’d have to reschedule.

So for the walk of shame: I walked out covered in vomit and shit and what had to be an epic bad smell and didn’t look back. I sat on a plastic trash bag as I rode home the most embarrassed I’ve probably ever been in my life.

I doubt I get that job, but if I do, what an origin story!

TL;DR: I didn’t want to cancel my interview and waited too long to just explain I had something come up, and instead waited until it was too late and ended up sick in a public restroom.