One more reason to get a lawyer.

You need to realize you can't treat a marriage, children and a divorce like a teenager treats a shitty breakup. It's your life and your children's lives involved, grow the fuck up.

I can understand not caring about the house and car but your kids? You don't care about your kids? No wonder there are problems in your relationship.

Bro she’s cheating on you, lawyer up and don’t let her get everything

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If this is all true, and you mean that, grow the hell up,

You're a parent. Act like it.

It takes two to work at a marriage, and it sounds like she isn't. It will be more painful for you to suffer a slow death to the relationship if she doesn't want to fight for it.

Do not resign yourself to this, there will be life after and you do not want the regrets and bitterness of handing her everything you are entitled to as your partnership ends and she moves on.

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Have you actually talked this out with her. As in how you feel, your issues in the marriage and how to overcome them?

It sounds like you both did some bad things based on your post, but if you are both open to actually working on them, therapy maybe then you can maybe work this out, but it has to be both of you together.

Can she get over what you did (assuming, since you say it's your fault, that something happened that lead her to this)

But can you also get over what she did. She made a choice and had some sort of relationship with this guy, can you see past it?

This is a 2 way street where both of you have to be fully on board or you both need to walk away.

Good luck!

That's a peculiar way to say you hate your kids.

Don't do that to yourself. Clear your head and talk to a lawyer.

Often, men get short changed, and I personally would have been had I just gone with an attitude like this.

They will give everything to her like you request, and make your life miserable in the process, and frankly, your kids deserve two happy parents post-divorce, not one. And that won't happen if you just simply give it all up.

Get a lawyer and dont do anything stupid like that

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Don’t make an emotional decision that can financially impact the rest of your life. Get a lawyer, think about it as a business transaction and remove emotion from the proceedings. See a therapist about the emotional element. Do not mix the two.

Come on man don’t let yourself go like this.

Dude wtf

Good. Because that's what women want during a divorce.

There's a reason why men mentally break down over financials of a divorce. it's because women make financial gains an overwhelming majority of the time in contrast to men.

Even if you get a lower paying job, it's likely you'll owe her a percentage based on how much you made while with her.

You can't win. You are fucked. And it's because society treats women like little cupcakes. Even criminal sentencing is more lenient on women, like it's more lenient for white people (in contrast to black people)

Get a lawyer. If she wants to leave that's fine, but she got to decide to be with you and then leave for financial gains, and she should go to hell for using men like that.

Don't think like that. You should be angry not defeated. She cheated on you while you were married and had children together. Thats one of the largest betrayals of trust you can have. Don't let her get a single scrap more than what she gets when you go to a lawyer and stand up for yourself. Fuck that woman and I'd say the same thing if it was the man cheating on his wife. Fuck anybody who would throw away that kind of history so they could screw somebody else.

OP I assume that mentally you are at a real low and just want all this to go away.

Sadly its not going to be like this. It could be time for a big reset in your life and to reinvent yourself as someone with clear boundaries, surrounded by people who genuinely care for your welfare. I don't know the full picture of course but it's not uncommon for people to lose their own social networks and support systems when in a dysfunctional relationship. By the time the relationship fails, people can be a pale shadow of themselves. Right now you may be far away from who you really are. The best version of you.

You are feeling guilt about phone snooping but considering the aporent warning signs you followed up on those and found out things you didn't want to. Under normal circumstances you could say phone snooping is a violation of trust but this all sounds anything but normal. Putting yourself in the "I'm a bad person" bucket makes no sense at all and you should not crucify yourself. It is utterly pointless and non constructive, especially given the other priorities.

For the sake of your own long term self respect and self esteem, get a lawyer, and just as importantly reach out to those friends and family you have who care about you. Put your trust in them and not reddit. Seeing a non-quack psychologist or therapist will do wonders for you.

PLEASE LAWYER UP I promise you will regret not fighting this for the rest of your life. She will screw you over as hard as she can. Stand up as a man and a father. Go get a lawyer, go to therapy! Don't let depression and hopelessness creep in, don't let your kids down, don't let your lying rat wife triumph!

I got divorced at 24 after 5 years of marriage and 3 kids. I didn't fight at first and she screwed me over. She got BOTH of our cars, I got all our $30,000+ in debt. There's so much more injustice, but I don't want to write a text wall.

I started pushing back legally about a year later, now I have 100% child custody, she pays me child support (only $367/mo, but still), I claim all child tax credits, and I've worked my debt down to under $17,000. I've used therapy to recover and become stronger than I've ever been in every way. I'm now remarried to a woman 100x stronger, smarter, bolder, kinder, more loving, more beautiful than my ex wife. I should've fought from the start.

You must fight for this! You can do it! Do it!

You have children who need a stable home, food, clothing, school supplies--that's 1/2 your responsibility, so your assets need to be divided equally. You're a grown-up who needs to provide for them.

If you’re acting this way over a cheater, you deserve to be left with nothing. Get over yourself.