I'd throw in here that you're dealing with a same-sex couple. Lesbian couples may feel particularly protective of their privacy - you've got the "male fascination" thing that's been fed by decades of porn, and every day's news brings more and more just-plain-evil shit from the right, trying to negate the humanity and rights of LGBTQ-(whatever-this-week's-letter-combo-is, I'm too old to keep track, sorry!) human beings. If I were a woman in that camp, I imagine there'd always be some little edge of fear in me - plenty of people feel they can brazenly attack anyone that's different and that it's freaking "patriotic" or whatever.

As a 60+ guy, I'm amazed by the progress in being "out" these days and how quickly it's accelerated - but there are plenty of people looking for someone to hate. (Me, I'm thrilled with the progress of gay rights, and I have a gay daughter - I just want her to be happy as hell).