Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

Arquen_Marille t1_jd5ttgn wrote

Have you always had strong reactions to potential rejection? Might be something to speak to a therapist about.

23

VStramennio1986 t1_jd5vom7 wrote

Abandonment is something that a lot of people fear. There are coping methods that can help with that. If you don’t have a counselor, I would highly suggest you find one. It may take a few times to find the right one, but it will be worth it in the end. All the best 🥰

64

lunelily t1_jd65snf wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#2,298,545)

As others have gently mentioned, the feelings you’re going through here—first growing super attached too quickly, then freaking out about a lull in contact, and finally writing this comment trying to shift some of the blame for your behavior to the other person—are textbook indications that you may have some unresolved abandonment trauma to work through. And that is something you can work on with a therapist, if you want to avoid repeating this cycle with others you click with in the future.

24

bizguyforfun t1_jd6i9a1 wrote

I'm a guy and I don't see how you fucked it up! Sometimes people are vulnerable. Maybe a bit quick with the texts, but it happens. Hope things worked out, but if they didn't you went with your heart!

1

Electrical-Ad-1798 t1_jd6rjzp wrote

You were with someone for one day, more or less, and started hearing wedding bells. That's way too much to put on another person and it sounds like you aren't ready to build the relationship that you seem to crave too much.

12

Kariomartking t1_jd6wq9r wrote

Fear of abandonment, huge attachment after one day, potential love bombing on your side, huge reaction to no reply while he was sleeping

You’ve unfortunately given him insight into what a relationship with you would be like and so far it sounds like you have the same behaviour that many people with borderline personality disorder do. Not saying you do but you should get counselling asap.

6

Kariomartking t1_jd6wugv wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#2,298,270)

I’d honestly stop trying to justify your actions/reactions and start seeking help or therapy. Blaming it on triggering you because of something 20 years ago isn’t healthy or emotionally mature of you.

3

FarMap6136 t1_jd743du wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#2,298,137)

I figure this:

  1. you’re self aware
  2. lesson learned by doing
  3. fear of rejection is real, therapy, echo chambers like Reddit or relating to friends for sure

everyone else can gtfo, lay off: she’s growing no need to clamp down on her

6

soMAJESTIC t1_jd74hxx wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#2,298,270)

Ever look into BPD? When you used the term “feeling like I’d gone home”, it kind of rung that bell. People who have been through trauma often get stuck getting back into the cycles that hurt them in the first place, and will often times be drawn to people who can bring out the worst in them. Dating when we are older is tough, because these injuries don’t just go away, and it takes a lot of work to stay in a healthy place.

4

pencilbride2B t1_jd7q801 wrote

Honestly contrary to what others are saying here, when a guy likes you he makes it known without a doubt. It feels like you were picking up on the fact he was not as engaged and interested as you were. I don't think this is a mess up at all, I think you actually sped through the small talk and got your answer, maybe its better you didn't waste more time with him.

−2

Binx812 t1_jd8xas6 wrote

If he was a good one he wouldn't have been being distant this was never going to work out which I'm sorry to say

0