Things from our past can still fuck with us years later. I’ve had issues with rejection or potential rejection myself. It’s something I’ve been working on for years.

Ever look into BPD? When you used the term “feeling like I’d gone home”, it kind of rung that bell. People who have been through trauma often get stuck getting back into the cycles that hurt them in the first place, and will often times be drawn to people who can bring out the worst in them. Dating when we are older is tough, because these injuries don’t just go away, and it takes a lot of work to stay in a healthy place.

I’d honestly stop trying to justify your actions/reactions and start seeking help or therapy. Blaming it on triggering you because of something 20 years ago isn’t healthy or emotionally mature of you.