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ThinkExplanation t1_jd16g2w wrote

  1. Don't internalize this rejection. She just got out of a long term relationship. Probably dealing with a lot and the timing honestly sounds awful to me.
  2. The fact that you are able to build and maintain a long-term friendship with someone of the gender you're interested in is already a good indicator that you can be in a successful romantic relationship.
  3. What doesn't bode well? It sounds like you're into people who are unavailable/unattainable to you.
  4. Friendships don't have to end because of situations like that. If you genuinely value her as a friend (not just a potential partner) and you are open with her that you want to continue the friendship ya'll can recover if both parties are mature enough to do so. Some of my longest friendships went through this very awkward experience. Just make sure you are able to actually be a friend though and are not sentencing yourself to be in a friendship where you are always pining for something more or being resentful.
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idi0t99 OP t1_jd1r0j0 wrote

I really appreciate your thoughts on this, it's very helpful! You're absolutely right, the timing was terrible and I immensely regret it. My thought process was that I should make my feelings known before it's too late and she ends up choosing someone else. But, that obviously doesn't matter if she was never interested in the first place.

Before I decided to go and mess everything up, we had a great relationship and now I don't know where things will end up. I just wish I had the forethought to not say anything. The older I get, the smaller my friend group gets, so messing up a relationship with someone I truly care about has really taken a toll on me. I also am acutely aware that she's still going through shit with her recent breakup and here I am making it all about me, definitely not cool.

I do seem to find myself in situations where I fall for people that are unavailable. It's not something I try to do and it doesn't happen all the time. I really only fall for people that I have a strong connection with, but that feeling never seems to be mutual, so that's clearly an issue on my end that I need to figure out and address.

I absolutely want to continue the friendship and honestly just try to forget that any of this even happened. I spoke with her a bit more and it seems like she's willing to not let this affect things, so the ball is in my court to not fuck things up like I seemingly always do. The hardest part is trying to bury these feelings that I have, but I'm down to do whatever it takes to not lose her as a friend.

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redditing_Aaron t1_jdfd8y7 wrote

Just one thing you have to think about is if you will be okay whenever she ends up in a new relationship. Would you be comfortable being around? You don't have to force yourself into a friendship if you feel uncomfortable.

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idi0t99 OP t1_jdfh4ry wrote

That's honestly what I'm struggling to figure out right now. I have a very strong feeling that I'm going to spiral when it does happen and that's obviously not good.

But, it has been a few days since I posted this and to be honest nothing has changed, we fell right back into our normal ways without any awkwardness. I'd like to tell myself that I'm mature enough to handle it, but I just don't know.

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