You fucked up when you decided deception was your best move. That is the most weak thing about this, other than your desire to be “alpha”. If you want a strong sense of character then fucking accept yourself where you’re at and look for ways to improve. How about next time you just be honest? That’s the braver choice always.

She wants to give you a hj, and that might even be her kink. She might not fuck strangers right after meeting them. When you’re vibing with someone you’re interested in, just enjoy the ride and do what makes both of you happy. Also, what a dick move to not even reciprocate either. I know you’re embarrassed, we’ve all been there so don’t worry too much. Things to learn from you’re encounter: be honest with people your trying to fuck, desperation will turn people off, “being good in bed” means helping the other person cum, “alpha” mentality makes you sound like a child.