monadyne t1_j9p6lqd wrote
You don't love her, OP. You love yourself. You don't listen to what she says. You don't respect what she says. When she says she doesn't want to be with you right now, you're like a relentless bulldozer that bashes right over anything she says-- to push what you want. Why is she the perfect wifey material? Because how she makes =you= feel. It's always about YOU, OP.
She says she doesn't want to be friends. You say, "But I need you to be friends with me, because of what you do for me. So we will stay friends, regardless of what you say and how you feel."
​
That's not love.
[deleted] OP t1_j9pjz6h wrote
I don’t love myself, I’m far from that. Your right i am going against her wishes, but we always agreed to fight for the relationship no matter what. I’m only saying my faults and why the relationship ended. It was her idea to stay friends.
echotexas t1_j9py7e1 wrote
Maybe in the past you agreed to fight for your relationship, but has she said she still wants to do that now?
Here's my advice.
My friend, you need to listen to the others or you're just going to make it even worse. Read your own post again.
Realize what you wrote isn't about your love for her, it's about how YOU miss all the ways she makes YOU feel better.
Take note of how you even begged her to stay friends so YOU can hug her when YOU have a bad day.
Really think about how your entire relationship as described here was about the sexual services you expected her to provide to YOU.
Everything youve said makes her sound like an object or service you just enjoy having around for emotional support rather than a living breathing person with her own feelings. You don't even mention how she felt about everything. Did you ever ask her how she felt?
I know it's difficult and you're emotional about it all but pack it up and think long and hard about this because this should be a serious wake up call for you. Honestly it sounds like she escaped a pretty shitty situation by getting out.
Listen when your ex says she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Hear the reasons why and, since you are so important to yourself, change for yourself or you're probably going to lose a lot more than a girlfriend over the years.
This is written a little more bluntly than I normally would because you said you're asking for real advice but seem to have a hard time accepting it. So here it is, rough and ready, to the point.
Good luck with the therapy. Remember it can take a while to find the perfect fit, so take your time and don't let it discourage you if the first therapist doesn't feel right. You deserve to learn, grow, and be better. Sending positive vibes.
[deleted] OP t1_j9q4fml wrote
The sole point of this post was to talk about how I messed up, I chose not to include her part. She also believes it’s her fault. She thinks Im the right person, so I just don’t want to give up that thought. I would always ask her if anything was wrong, she didn’t want to tell me. Im giving her space, I’ll ask about all the wrong doings I did when she comes and drops off my things. Thank you for being honest :)
echotexas t1_j9q62u8 wrote
That's good, I'm glad to hear that cus if all you say is 'i pressured her for sex she didn't want for a year and then she left me and said she doesn't want to see me for months but i need her' it's gonna shine an ugly light on you by leaving out a lot of important context.
But more importantly DONT start that conversation when she comes to drop off her things, it could make her feel trapped and pressured because she's on your home turf.
Maybe things are different than described but at this time it sounds like she needs time to think and it might feel like an ambush if she hasn't had enough time yet. Just take the stuff, be respectful, and wish her a nice day. Let her go.
If she brings it up, cool, have the talk. But if not then just let her leave without putting that on her, and let her get in touch via phone at a later date. If what you said about her wanting to fight for the relationship is true, she will initiate that conversation when she's ready. For now, your fight is to give her space to grow while you do the same. Godspeed my dude. Wishing you both the best.
[deleted] OP t1_j9q6yfl wrote
Yea I would never pressure her to have sex, let’s just say she has a reason to feel the way she does about sex. It was always her decision entirely. Yea I thought about texting her today because there was a lot that was unsaid. But I’m not going to. Thank you again
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