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kainprime82 t1_jaazfsp wrote

Reply to comment by Verbose_Cactus in TIFU Update: I accused my boyfriend of cheating on me with his dead husband by TIFUWife2

They really are. My mom died from cancer 2 years ago. Sometimes, during a grief induced spiral, I'll find myself blaming myself for her cancer. It was ovarian cancer, and I'll get on this bender about how there's something wrong with me (I've had emotional problems since early childhood, depression and such) and that must have infected my mom and ultimately killed her.

I KNOW it's completely illogical, but in those down moments, I convince myself otherwise.

Grief is a fucking beast man.

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Xrgonic369 t1_jab4mp6 wrote

I’m a chemist, and have now done some drug discovery research; but when my mom died of cancer I was only in undergrad. I still feel guilty for not being able to save her even though it’s rather absurd to think I could have.

So I very much agree. Grief can make us feel things we cognitively know are irrational.

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Kveldson t1_jacp0dk wrote

I'm sorry friend. Lost my mom to ovarian as well.

She wasn't a great mom, but she was my mom and I loved her. Fucked me up for quite a while.

When I started bawling after my (then) 2 and a half year old asked where my mommy was (she knows her other gtandmother very well) and had to explain through tears while my toddler hugged me and told me it was going to be okay.... that's when I knew that I needed to find a therapist.

That helped a lot. Might be worth looking into for yourself.

Anyway, best of luck.

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Verbose_Cactus t1_jae8jeb wrote

I’m so sorry for your loss, friend. I’m glad you can recognize how irrational those thoughts are, though. It will never be your fault. You made her life ten times more valuable. You gave so much love.

If you don’t already see a therapist, I really do recommend it. Healing is so hard to do alone. They’ve helped me get through a lot

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