Hey man, sorry to hear that you're struggling with depression. I can relate, quite much. But, you stated a thing, that's quite impressive to me. You won a Hackaton! That's some serious goddamn praise to you and your team, you should savor it much more than you're doing! As a nerdy soul as I am (working in a different field now, but I spent many years studying computer engineering), that would have been AWESOME, if I had the chance to do it with a good team! I know this can sound too simple, but truly, try to savor more of the beautiful and good things your life is offering, and try to let aside the bad things. And as other said before, try to cut with the booze. I'm not one to say "stay forever sober": me too, I like some fine beer or wine, from time to time. But when things get out of control, you are risking to hurt yourself (you are doing self-harm unconsciously, try to focus on this and accept it, then you'll be able to change it). Hope you have better days! And damn, still congrats on your Hackaton! 🎉🎊