iAmBalfrog t1_ja7onuk wrote on February 27, 2023 at 1:39 PM

As someone who's been to weddings of 200 people and also 8 people, the wedding is typically not for you and your partner. It's usually a large waste of money to spend 3-4 minutes talking with relatives you didn't bother to speak to for the last few years.

The most intimate wedding I went to was the incredibly small event with 8 of us, we all sat and spoke over a meal, we enjoyed the day. There was no white dress, no groomsmen or bridesmaids, a cake made by the bride herself. It was a true "showing of love" between two people.

I would question why you feel a "large display of love" in a public setting is necessary. Fiscally speaking, weddings are disastrous, it usually kills off the more responsible outlooks of home deposits or preparing for a child. It is a lot of faff. It's akin to a very expensive valentines day, if your partner thinks just showing love on significant days is what they should do, this is a red flag, if they're willing to show love and be kind and compassionate without the need for a public event this is a win and something to be thankful for.

It feels as if you've internalised some big day in a white dress to constitute love, it is an old notion which had it's part in society as it gave some legal rights to women who didn't have them in the event of the husband dying. As to why you feel it necessary feels more alien to me than him not wanting one.

ZeroRozuMagika t1_ja7z36w wrote on February 27, 2023 at 2:59 PM

We would both like a smaller wedding. Weddings are expensive. I would love that, with a wedding dress I made myself. I want that display of affection, party and all. But it’s only real and meaningful to me if it’s with someone with whom you have a healthy happy relationship.

iAmBalfrog t1_ja85bs2 wrote on February 27, 2023 at 3:42 PM

In your post you haven't listed a single negative thing this man is doing outside of having a progressive view on weddings. You can ask any number of married men and women whether 10-15 years later butterflies still exist daily. He seems like a relatively nice guy, you seem to be set on a wedding, he seems to be okay with marriage but thinks a wedding is a public display for what he thinks should be private.

Neither of you are in the wrong for having a preference, but I doubt he would break up with you for making an off handed comment, whereas that seems to be your logical go to. Hence the large amount of comments disagreeing with you.