Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

Strange_Writer_3963 t1_j99ljtf wrote

A classic tale of a horny young man who can't afford to leave the stable girl but really fantasizes about making a break for the exciting new one willing to share him and be his side-piece, for now.

Advice:

(1) If they both knew about each other and you were supporting them both, you might get to have your cake and eat it, too without being a cad. If you were very lucky and very thoughtful and very trustworthy.

(2) Your plans were already doomed before all of this. If you left G1 for G2 (even if you haven't wrecked your ship already) then the most likely outcome is that G2 and you will both be miserable as soon as her life gets worse by having to take care of you. You need training, experience, and/or education so that you can be confident in pulling your own weight plus helping your partner.

I am not saying this to be mean. I am trying to give you good quality advice: Be prepared to pay full price for what you want from people. Be strategic and work hard so that you can afford to be a strong contributor to any relationship. If you are confident and generous you won't need to manipulate anyone or lie to get what you want because you will have real bargaining power to just ask, and real poise to be gentle and polite when you are rejected.

Your story is the story of a coward and a manipulator, but you could grow up to be something better, and I hope you do!

9

ThrowMeAway_97 OP t1_j9cnqdq wrote

Truth is, between myself and G1. I work while she does not. If I'm leeching from anyone, it's her mother who also works and gets the bills paid. I do give her mother some money from each of my paychecks so as to contribute. While I also pay for groceries and other house necessities as they come and as I can. I cook and clean here and there. So, in my defense, I'm not totally useless when it comes to contributing.

My issue comes more so in my lack of savings because I just don't see the point 90% of the time. If I die tomorrow and have a million saved, what good did it do me? None. Maybe to the people I leave behind, but to me, nothing. And it's that thought process I've been fighting against in order to do better.

All that said, it has nothing to do with the shitty things I'm doing. My lack of savings and my way of thinking do not excuse me from what's going on. I'm being an asshole and that's that. There will never be an excuse for it.

I do appreciate the advice provided. Thank you. Here's where my mind is at. As soon as I have a place separate from G1, be it an apartment or a car, I will break things off. I will own up to what I've done because she deserves to know. I can't say I will do it before then. I accept that it makes me even more of a shitty person, but I'm just not cut out for life on the streets. Do I deserve it? Yes. But I'm not going down that road. Sorry. I won't be pursuing anything with G2 as she's not the type of girl I'd want to associate myself with if I'm planning on being a better person. I plan to take the time to be alone and consider what I've done, what I plan to do with my life, and basically become self-sustaining before even considering another relationship. And beyond that, make the choice to separate from anyone I do not wish to be with before engaging with anyone else. Will I succeed in all of this? Idk. But I can only work towards and hope to be a better person 1, 2, 5 years from now.

2

Strange_Writer_3963 t1_j9htcg3 wrote

Here is a mental exercise that will help train your financial sense:

Having a good reputation (for getting work done well and on time) and a little money in the bank gives you confidence. It's extremely likely that you will be alive tomorrow, and so it's a pretty safe bet to leave future you in a slightly better position so he won't ever have to make such moral compromises. If you think about it that way, it might help you get your gut feelings on board with your long-term plans.

1