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kogum t1_j8vltga wrote

The teen thing is yikes. Anyone who likes this stuff is a borderline pedo.

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szandos t1_j8vm1h2 wrote

You won’t be able to get over that on your own, so might as well bring it up with him and then decide what to do.

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JustinIsFunny t1_j8vmlc6 wrote

You’re 20 chill out and break up. Maybe he’s bi, maybe he’s gay, maybe he’s just exploring his sexuality and that’s all okay. It also doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to you. However, you’re not comfortable with and that’s okay too. The reason I mention your age is because it’s very young and there’s a lot of life and relationships to explore still. This one doesn’t seem like a good fit but it’ll be alright. Good luck, OP.

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malk600 t1_j8vmz8p wrote

Is the relationship otherwise healthy, is he a caring partner, does he listen, do you feel supported, is your sex life ok?

If no - you have other problems and better reasons to leave. Take care of yourself!

If yes - leave it, people are entitled to their little secrets, like their choice in, err, corn. If it helps, the... cobs? Are usually (depends on how good moderation is on those sites, since they will typically purge illegal stuff) mature corn cobs actually. Probably your age in reality. The teen thing is cringe, but if you think this necessarily makes the guy a... seedling lover? ... it doesn't really.

Don't pry into other people's secrets unless you have really good reasons to suspect something harmful or criminal is going on and you're prepared to make an intervention. Nothing good ever comes of it, otherwise.

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FractalCurve t1_j8vn114 wrote

I think the whole issue starts when you can't seem to use the word porn. Maybe you're just not ready to have these kinds of conversations.

Joking aside, the only real issue here (you seem to like watching porn and not mind him doing the same) is the fact that he's effectively spending your money frivolously. That's the real conversation that needs to happen. Everything else I honestly think you're overreacting massively.

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DaringBoot t1_j8vnigp wrote

Something you may not know about guys, a lot of guys at least, is that we start viewing porn generally from our early teens, so, over the years that Man Woman porn doesn't do it anymore, you know, it can get stale and boring.

That is sort of the danger with porn nowadays, it is so varied that you can find some pretty intense shit.

This is basically a long winded way to say that he might not be gay, instead, the stimulation he receives from porn is numbed and to achieve that same level of stimulation that he used to, he views more and more intense shit.

It's like saying because you choke your partner during sex that you want to beat them outside of sex.

EDIT: Teen stuff is a buzzword in porn, it usually means amateur, not industry produced, even so, half those chicks look like their pushing 30. I don't personally seek out teen stuff, though it is pretty common in titles.

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BDoorBetty t1_j8vnng0 wrote

Yeah, but, are we talking teen like 18 to 19 or something on a whole different level?

Wow.

What a post.

YOU Got a lot going on in your lil punkin’head right now. I suggest you not react for the next few MINUTES, HOURS, DAYS, and just take some deep breaths, bring your focus to the present.

& sit your ass down!

GOOD.

The sky is not falling my dear little fried chicken friend.

It seems like It may be, and there’s definitely some crazy clouds, thunder, and other shit, however, THE SKY IS NOT FALLING.

Eat some chocolate, drink a little bit of tea or “?”, take some Benadryl, and get some sleep.

You can read all these exciting comments in the morning after you’ve had a night to Decompress a bit.

Got it?

GOOD.

SEE YA SOON

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The_IT_Dude_ t1_j8vo6tv wrote

Hold up, the teen part on those sites means 18 or 19 and is super common and doesn't really mean much of anything. Search for that all the time, and it's probably a suggested search. Nothing really out the ordinary there.

The other part is a little less usually but probably a lot more common than what you'd think. Might just be an experimental and fantasy kind of thing and by no means does it in any way indicate he isn't attracted to you. He might just like some variety. It was just a search.

Sit down and talk to him about it if it bothers you. The other piece of this thought is that you did go snooping, so you'll also have to address that.

Again, I would not be freaked out about it.

As for the spending money thing that could be sticky depending on what you've already all agreed on as far as that goes. If it's only some of his own personal spending money, then oh well. If it's like a whole hell of a lot, then that's it's own thing and he may have an addiction and that's not cool if it's eating into other needed things and that would also be a talk.

It's not like this has to be over unless you really just think it needs to be.

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I_am_INTJ t1_j8vojqs wrote

There's a lot to unpack here, OP. The biggest thing you will need to tackle is betraying his trust and went through his phone. That's not going to be a fun conversation for either of you. However, it's something that is going to need to be done if you want to continue in this relationship. And the longer you wait to bring it up the worse it's going to be.

It's a shame he didn't feel comfortable enough to open up to you but sexual preferences can be a touchy subject for people, especially depending on what the preferences are and what their upbringing is.

Now as to what you found, I would not be too concerned based on only what you saw. Just because he likes x doesn't mean he doesn't like y and z, too. I'm other words, what he searches for has no bearing on whether or not he's attracted to you. That's something you two will also need to discuss. There's no reason at this point to indicate that he does not find you to be beautiful, sexy, and attractive so please try to stay calm and keep an open mind when you talk to him. Getting upset will only make him want to close himself off.

Finally, the search term 'teen' doesn't necessarily mean you're too old for him, either. It may be simply that the teens of that group have a more feminine appearance for him.

I typed a lot, but what I'm trying to say is you need to talk to him and if you love him you need to be accepting of whatever he says to you.

Finally, though, if you two are living together and sharing expenses while barely making your bills and he's hiding subscribing to web sites that is not okay. He shouldn't be doing that and breaking your budget while you two are trying to build a future together.

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std5050 t1_j8vp348 wrote

Punctuation does wonders OP

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Dragonfly452 t1_j8vpfzs wrote

Maybe he’s bisexual? I’m sorry you’re going through it all right now

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penderhippy t1_j8vpjxn wrote

wait so what kind of corn does he like

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AioliNo1327 t1_j8vqift wrote

So slow down on the assumptions about his sexuality and the world ending. For a lot of people porn and only fans is just a harmless fantasy.

On the other hand he may be pansexual and he hasn't told you. That doesn't mean that you need to break up. Unless you can't deal with it.

There are really two things you need to work through. One he's spending money on Only fans that clearly he doesn't have. That's a big issue.

And two whether you want to be with him and whether he wants to be with you.

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Chrazzer t1_j8vrlan wrote

I don't want to be this kind of gf - is exactly this kind of gf.

He obviously seemed anxious and insecure about his porn searches. He didn't feel comfortable talking about it and wanted to keep it private, you should respect that.

But you plowed right into his privacy and betrayed his trust. You fucked that relationship up, because of your insecurities. He might not break up, he might even forgive you. But the trust is gone, and with that any future this relationship had.

You felt the need to go in his phone - insecurity issues. You immediately thought you find out he may cheat - insecurity issues. Your first thought finding the stuff, that he doesn't find you attractive - insecurity issues. Girl you got severe insecurity issues that need working on, in this state you are not ready for a relationship

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boersc t1_j8vs053 wrote

Don't read too much into what type of pron your bf is looking at. Maybe he's just curious or whatever. All forms of sexual preferences are available on the net and many check out types of pron they wouldn't prefer irl. You're both still very young, so both of you still have a lot to explore when it comes to sex.

As for the 'teen' part: that's very probably totally harmless. It's a category of young men/women, but all are (as long as it's a legitimate website) above the legal age, so no minors there.

As for advise, if you don't talk about this, it's going to leave a shadow over your relationship, as it's obviously bothering you deeply. So, the only thing to do is to be open about it and talk. Try not to be judgmental, but do state your concerns. After that, you can make up your mind on whether there is a future for the both of you or not.

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RachaelJaimeT t1_j8vs95a wrote

Well, girl, ya blew it. Never snoop if ya don't want to see something you are not able to handle emotionally. If you love him set up a fantasy night and surprise him with a realistic strap on. You say he likes anal...let's see how MUCH. You are the fembod. Fantasy's are often just that.

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superbugger t1_j8vsq4u wrote

There were two TIFUs in this post.

You can just write porn, you know?

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FairyKing81 t1_j8vti45 wrote

If I was you I'd be glad he didn't look for some Grammar Nazi stuff.

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TheLegendaryFoxFire t1_j8vvfix wrote

I was gonna make a joke about who's gonna tell her he may be Bi but she already mentions that so like...What is the problem?

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blearghstopthispls t1_j8w46hs wrote

You're both poor, he asks you for money and he spends it for porn.

This is the important part.

"teen" means nothing too old, not kids. Maybe he's bicurious or maybe bi tout court, or maybe even straight with this kink, not all the craziness you're talking about. You're blowing this part out of proportion and not focusing on the important part, the money lies about it and subsequent broken trust part.

He's living off you while spending your money on his private things. Focus on this.

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iCoral t1_j8w5yj8 wrote

I couldn’t finish reading it, but didn’t trust him, you invaded his privacy by first interrogating him about his viewing preferences, then later investigated confirming the funny feeling-red flags. Snooping on the phone was stage two of violating his privacy… I wouldn’t worry about what he thinks of you or if he finds out - there’s nothing to salvage - there was no trust. Best to move on. Also, you’re loaning money to someone who is spending it on something other than essentials, this isn’t a financially sustainable living arrangement.

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FractalCurve t1_j8w60ep wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#1,840,680)

Not everyone is as comfortable talking about their porn habits openly, even with a partner. Honestly I think I'd rather lie and say I don't watch any, than discuss with someone what kind of porn I jacked it to yesterday.

Is someone's partner not allowed an ounce of privacy? Does he really have to share his subconscious with you?

Really though, if this elicits the level of reaction from you that it seems it does, then you're right, just leave him. You'd be doing him a favour.

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vt1032 t1_j8w67jk wrote

You lost me at "onlyhams"... I can see it now. Only $10.99 a month to see the spiral cut strip out of its packaging and baste itself in the juices...

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lady-of-the-woods t1_j8w92v5 wrote

Replying to DemonBoner (#1,841,815)

For real, I once offered someone a book suggestion so they could understand how stress wreaks havoc on the body and was downvoted to hell and back.

I've concluded that a lot of people don't want help they just want to complain.

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DemonBoner t1_j8w94wv wrote

Take a few breaths and calm down... He is probably bisexual in no way does this does not mean he is not attracted to you. Teen usually means 18-19 that is not necessarily a big deal (assuming he isn't watching anyone actually underaged).

If it bothers you THIS much you might as well break up with him but imo this is 100% overreacting. Also porn use does not always translate to what you want in real life, at least in my experience.

This is exactly why most men are uncomfortable talking about porn use with their girlfriends. Sorry if this sounds harsh it's just pretty common for people to have seemingly strange tastes when it comes to porn and does not actually mean he is not attracted to you or gay.

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soMAJESTIC t1_j8wb1a6 wrote

The first step, for your own well being, a license will be a big source of empowerment and freedom for you. Look at driving classes in your area, programs are relatively cheap, with manageable schedules. The environments are low pressure, and they take you through the entire process of licensing. It is very low pressure, and will be very rewarding.

The main question is do you trust him. Are you worried he will cheat on you. It sounds like he’s just got a broader sexual appetite, and was understandably insecure about being honest with you about it. I mean, look at your reaction. If you love him, and you don’t have any intimacy issues together, maybe focus on ways to improve the situation. Maybe try watching the stuff he is into and see if you could share that with him.

Whatever you decide, it will all be ok. You guys are young. Even if you feel you have to break up, and you need yo Uber around for a while, you will always find ways to move forward.

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Skipp_To_My_Lou t1_j8wbvw0 wrote

This is Reddit, not TikTok. You can say porn. You can say OnlyFans. You can say sex, shit, fuck, goddamn, & Tiananmen Square.

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nihcul t1_j8wc5ci wrote

Just as a tip, Reddit users like functional grammar. And you also don’t need to censor yourself. You can say porn. And OnlyFans. It makes it very hard to understand what you’re actually talking about when we have to decipher half of your text.

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acpowerline t1_j8wcxw2 wrote

Youre overthinking the shit out of everything and making a mountain out of an ant hill. Just talk to him

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modmuse91 t1_j8wea79 wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#1,840,680)

Not to be harsh, but you’re overreacting a massive bit. I genuinely think you’re not mature enough yet for a relationship, and not because of looking through his phone but because of the absolute histrionics and self-victimization of this post.

An example: at the start you state that you’re disgusted that his search said teen and then say that you were 18 when you started dating and that he was “older”. You omit his age to try to manipulate people into thinking he’s a creep and the implication is that he may have chosen to date you for your youth only to reveal at the very last moment that he’s a mere 4 years older than you, as if a 22 year old dating an 18 year old is problematic the way a 30+ year old doing the same is.

Your whole post just oozes immaturity, and please understand, that’s ok! You’re 20 and a lot of people your age are. You have the opportunity here to really reflect on yourself, not just around your choices, but your responses in life as well. Please break up with him and take the time to learn how to strip the dramatics out of how you engage with the world and I promise you’ll find yourself in a much better place to enter a relationship healthily. Your current BF doesn’t deserve to be with someone who disrespects his boundaries or who is essentially staying with him for his car.

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loftychicago t1_j8wepiq wrote

Get tested for STIs today, please. And stop financially supporting him if he's spending your money on OF.

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Devi1_May_Cry t1_j8wfb80 wrote

Replying to noot_operator (#1,840,573)

It's like James Joyce wrote a Reddit post.

Also, when I browse "Only Hams," I'm looking for some of that sweet Iberico.

OP, if you have a job with medical insurance, and I very much hope you do, look into the mental health benefits. Talk therapy combined with medication could do wonders for you.

You're young. Start working on yourself now. Don't wait until you're in your late 20s or 30s. There is a whole life of possibilities and happiness out there waiting for you.

Peace.

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