Maybe I’m wrong. But I sort of get what both of you feel.

I have scars of horrible events. But it’s something that I cannot change without surgery. And it would be purely cosmetic. I cannot imagine “normal” look where these scars are. It’s part of who I am. I feel guilty that someone I’m with would have to have this “defective” partner. And it will never be beautiful to me. But it’s part of who I am.

But when I have a partner who has scars, I realize that loving them for who they are is also loving those scars. Not the events that happened but loving the as a whole. Scars and all. Kinda hypocritical I suppose.

Not sure this helps anyone. But I hope you find clarity. If you have any specific questions I can maybe give my perspective on it from both sides I suppose. But not sure how much help I’d be. You should seek some professionals help.