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peweje t1_jacu3d8 wrote

Reply to comment by Odd_Ad_5639 in TIFU by cheating on my wife a second time by Odd_Ad_5639

You don’t deserve to die, self harm, or otherwise harm yourself or anyone else.

What you do need is therapy and you need to let your wife leave you and take the kids. Be a good person and graciously let her do what she needs to do. Your opinion no longer matters

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Odd_Ad_5639 OP t1_jacwxp8 wrote

I respect what you say and I see how it would be the most civilised thing to do.

I can’t say that the child would definitely have a better life with the mother so I can’t let go.

I’ve fked up so bad here I don’t deserve anything but I think I can provide a positive and fulfilling life for my daughter regardless.

Nobody would ever believe me but i would never make a third mistake

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Thisisthatguy99 t1_jaczkxx wrote

You’ve already proved your selfishness twice. Any you really think the best thing is for your daughter to be with you? You will be selfish again, but instead of hurting your (soon to be ex) wife, you will be hurting your daughter. Let your wife take your daughter, and give her all the love and care she does. The best thing you can do for everyone right now is to get some therapy for yourself. After the therapy helps you, you can start to work on your relationship with your daughter.

Since you needed to point out your $200k job, let me point something out. In most places in the US, a divorcing mother with child custody can get upwards of 60% of your income. So you will be cutting that income down to closer to 60k…. And if you love your daughter, and feel bad for your actions against your wife…. You won’t fight this

Edit: spelling

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Odd_Ad_5639 OP t1_jad1gw1 wrote

I’m not in the US and I won’t be able to have any contact with my daughter if she leaves my country.

I can provide alimony to support the raising of my daughter overseas but I think my country is a better environment for child rearing also.

I fucked up as a human being and a husband but I love my daughter more than anything and I honestly think that I could give her a good loving and supporting upbringing (not that anyone will believe me)

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Thisisthatguy99 t1_jad2vlg wrote

No one will believe you because you have already proven what kind of person you are.

You were selfish when you cheated on your wife.

You are being selfish now by wanting to take your daughter away from your wife (if your wife leaves and your daughter stays with you, your wife won’t be able to see her, meaning that you are hurting her YET AGAIN.)

And you WILL (I say this without question and with 200% certainty) be selfish again with your daughter. When something comes up and you have to choose between what you want and your daughter you will choose what you want. You can say I’m wrong all you want, but your actions have already proven me right. Your cheating wasn’t just hurting your wife, but hurting your daughter to by ruining your marriage.

Be the decent human being for once in your life and let them both go, and pay them a high amount for alimony and child support… enough that they can live comfortably… since you needed to prove to everyone how much you make… we know you can afford to do so if you’re not being selfish.

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Odd_Ad_5639 OP t1_jad3bhk wrote

I can’t blame you for thinking that because all the evidence proves that but I honestly believe that I would choose my daughter over my own wants.

I am very aware of how much I have screwed up and I will spend the rest of my life atoning for it, starting with seeing to provide the best environment possible (under the circumstances) for my daughter. I think that’s my country, not my wife’s

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Thisisthatguy99 t1_jad5og7 wrote

You believe that because you are hurt and scared of losing your daughter, so your emotions are affecting rational thought, and you are lying to yourself and everyone here. The difference is we can see it cause we are on the outside with no emotional connection.

Take your daughter, let your daughter move on and have a better life with her mom…. It has no affect on everyone else here so we can let logic guide us. You already hurt and will be losing the people you love, so you can’t think clearly and are just telling yourself what you want to hear to try and rationalize your feelings.

You’ve proven who you are as a human. Therapy or not, that’s who you are. The best thing for your daughter is to let her stay with her mother who you already admit gives her better emotional care, something she’ll need as her family is broken apart because of your actions.

The best you can hope for is to offer the mom whatever financial support she seems fair if she is willing to stay local so you can stay close to your daughter. I’m talking over and above alimony and child support. And you just accept that as penance and be thankful if she accepts.

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Odd_Ad_5639 OP t1_jad6vz6 wrote

I accept that what I have done is abhorrent and the natural reaction is that I am irredeemable and will never be fit to be a parent.

I have cheated and I caused the breakup of an otherwise happy family. Nothing I will ever do will be able to erase the shame and guilt I have over this.

Emotions aside, I think I have a better chance of giving daughter a decent upbringing in my country than my wife’s. It’s not just about how much money she will be able to spend on daughter. The whole environment considered, I think daughter could be better off with me

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Thisisthatguy99 t1_jad8cei wrote

Ok, I’m done with this conversation. Go ahead and hurt your family even more, then you have, instead of doing the right thing for once. You don’t want to listen to reason. You just want to do what you want AGAIN. Proving AGAIN how selfish you are. You’ve already admitted that you will never be able to provide mentally/emotionally the way mom can. You are looking strictly at financial… what you can spend and where that money can afford to have you live… but money can be given away… and you can still provide a decent life for your daughter from half way across the world.

I get where your coming from, as a single father. But if I knew there was someone who could give my son a better mental/emotional life while I paid in the background… I would do it because its what’s best for him, and that’s what matters most. But with my situation, there is no one else, just me and him.

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Odd_Ad_5639 OP t1_jad8tih wrote

But it won’t be just me and my daughter here. I also don’t know if comparing a mothers love and a fathers love is right but I can’t do anything about that.

I know I love my daughter very much and I could give her a good upbringing

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BeckyW77 t1_jae9gol wrote

And...you want to do it at the cost of further destroying your wife? Have you not ONE PARTICLE OF SHAME? (No, you don't.)

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Odd_Ad_5639 OP t1_jaea3ye wrote

I can only try and balance what I think is best for my daughter and my wife and for me that means trying to make sure my daughter gets the best upbringing I can give her despite the mess that I’ve made

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