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Northstar1989 t1_j9igiso wrote

Reply to comment by n2oc10h12c8h10n402 in TIFU as I presented my bf with his cheating partner on a silver platter by Certain_Syllabubb

>My first thought would be don't stay with a cheater.

Indeed.

>One thing you need for sure is to get tested. Being cheated on always brings the risk of STDs.

This is always good advice- but, having seen many posts exactly like this before, but not involving another man, I will say this: it's telling that far more people jump to STI's in this case.

Yes, gay sex is definitely more risky than straight sex if unprotected.

But homosexual and bisexual men AREN'T inherently any more promiscuous than their straight counterparts, despite a lot of biased claims to the contrary (I will also acknowledge: those fully in "gay culture" in the 70's were more promiscuous, but HIV but an end to that...)

The fact that everyone immediately jumps to STI's with a bisexual cheater, while they wouldn't with a straight cheater, does say something about internalized bias: even if STI testing is always a good idea regardless.

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n2oc10h12c8h10n402 t1_j9ihqp5 wrote

>!This is always good advice- but, having seen many posts exactly like this before, but not involving another man, I will say this: it's telling that far more people jump to STI's in this case.

My NUMBER ONE ADVICE is to go get tested when cheating is the issue.

>!But homosexual and bisexual men AREN'T inherently any more promiscuous than their straight counterparts.

when did i mention those things on my comment??? Please point it out.

>!The fact that everyone immediately jumps to STI's with a bisexual cheater, while they wouldn't with a straight cheater, does say something about internalized bias: even if STI testing is always a good idea regardless.

Also when did i mention those things on my comment??? Please point it out.

Cheating is cheating and it doesn't matter who one got cheated on with, a man or a woman. Whoever got cheated on SHOULD GET TESTED.

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Northstar1989 t1_j9iiuw4 wrote

>My NUMBER ONE ADVICE is go get tested when cheating is the issue.

It's always good advice.

>when did i mention those things on my comment??? Please point it out.

You didn't explicitly mention it.

I'm speaking to some of the subconscious assumptions people hold, that causes them to immediately jump to getting tested in this situation.

>Whoever got cheated on SHOULD GET TESTED.

I agree. Fully.

But the fact a much, much higher percentage of comments mention this with a bisexual cheater hints at internalized biases that Bisexuals are "dirty" and "unclean."

I should know- I hold some of these biases myself, due to religious teachings as a child (and an abusive, homophobic father), and am Bisexual. Obviously, this contradiction is a problem for my self-image: but I'm aware of the problem.

Most people hold biases like this, but aren't consciously aware of them.

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n2oc10h12c8h10n402 t1_j9ijgjr wrote

>!Most people hold biases like this, but aren't consciously aware of them.

I'm not one of these people. And just because I suggested getting tested you shouldn't assume I am one.

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Northstar1989 t1_j9iknjd wrote

>I'm not one of these people.

Since these biases are usually subconscious (the same way people often hold subconscious biases against black people- including black Police Officers), how do you know that?

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rhymes_with_snoop t1_j9in0b8 wrote

I have never seen a post about someone cheating where one of the top comments didn't involve getting tested for STIs (oof, double negative, mean to say it is always one of the top comments). Because it's always good advice.

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Northstar1989 t1_j9inora wrote

>have never seen a post about someone cheating where one of the top comments didn't involve getting tested for STIs

True.

But look at all the lower-level comments.

The proportion is different here.

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