The Ark is embarrassing!

Submitted by opiate_lifer t3_11ft6r4 in television

About the only good thing I can say about this show is a few of the younger actors are at least trying.

The CGI looks equivalent to prerendered cut scenes in PS1 or PS2 era video games, even that might be too generous.

The pilot is awful, the tone is all wrong, half the characters seem delusional about situations like we're going to die in days if we don't pull off a miracle.

The science is laughable, the ships engines die and they are instantly dead in space. Space doesn't work like that! Inertia, ever head of it?! Weirdly later the same or next episode they have exposition about relative speeds of objects in space and use composted human remains as explosives(huh?) to subtly change their trajectory, so inertia does exist! Then they need to match the speed of a passing comet to anchor into it.

I don't usually make hate watch threads but goddamn!

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kingdazy t1_jal5pez wrote

I'm absolutely watching it, because it's unintentionally funny as fuck

It also seems like it's a 2 decade old throwback. This show would seem totally normal as a 90s era scifi show, and probably would do ok in the ratings.

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jal69xt wrote

You're right about that 2 decade old throwback thing!

Its like a cheap attempt to cash in on the 00s BSG that somehow got shelved and forgotten about.

A ship full of earth's best and brightest who will set up a colony don't know what a comet is("it has a tail!")

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kingdazy t1_jal6m35 wrote

I fucking died laughing at episode... 2? 3? Where "oh no! we're going to hit an asteroid!" was the premise of the episode? Fucking hilarious. How completely fucking idiotic and unrealistic, even for a bad scifi show.

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a4techkeyboard t1_jal88sc wrote

The worst thing is they pepper in attempts to show they pay attention to science like it's a hard science show only to completely disregard that point specifically.

"Oh what about solar sails to push us away from its path? What, we're too far from any suns!"

then later

"Oh, wait, the asteroid is a comet, you can tel by its tail!"

Comets only have tails if they're near a sun.

And nevermind all their inconsistent stuff about gravity.

Establishing the spinning is required for gravity and then... they have gravity on the bits that don't spin. And on the bit that spins, they walk where the ceiling should be and have domes implying they'd be bowl shaped if the gravity was working correctly.

Plus, they're under thrust! They're ignoring thrust gravity, too.

Also, where do they get their seemingly infinite supply of oxygen anyway? They have a leak and suddenly, the air gets refilled just by being to locate the leak, not by actually plugging the leak.

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kingdazy t1_jalebii wrote

Yeah, I figured out pretty quick that it's attention to science was at a 5fh grade level. Or less. It's certainly no Expanse.

For the moment, I'm finding it funny. We'll see how long that lasts, haha

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a4techkeyboard t1_jalemuy wrote

It would have served them better to not include any attempts at seeming like they're using any science at all and just technobabbled everything.

I had decided they have the magic artificial gravity but that the Steve Jobs type forced them to have spinning parts and domes and fake spin gravity. Because skeumorphism. A Steve Jobs type would totally add those.

I lasted until last week's hallucinations episode. Maybe I'll try again later.

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kingdazy t1_jalfmus wrote

I only smoke pot at night, when I'm watching a show like this, and getting ready to crash.

I'm pretty certain that's the only thing giving me the ability to "enjoy" it.

I especially love how the "engineers" in "engineering" are all in greasy clothes and looking like they just stepped out of a submarine movie.

Even the basic premise of a complete lack of crew redundancy, and putting all the important ones in the same area? Unbelievable as a basic concept.

But I could not stop laughing at the new twist they just threw in last week, that she's a clone. And her clone is murderous. Good god. The writers are high as fuck. I swear they're trolling us.

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a4techkeyboard t1_jalg9oq wrote

Oh I was wondering if it was a clone or a regular evil twin.

Everyone on this ship got in there either by fraud or nepotism. Of course all the important people think it's important to be in the important people room.

This show almost stumbles into being an amazing social commentary on corruption in governments and corporations.

Biggest surprise is that the sex therapist influencer is actually doing the job she got dragooned into and is actually good at it, and she hilariously set up her sessions to look like she's going to sex them better even if they're just going to talk. It's not even the bed, it's everything else she's doing. And then it's just a counseling session.

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kingdazy t1_jalhd7z wrote

All this talk about it got me excited enough to start watching tonight's episode.

Oh man. The "bad thing that happens" is fucking hilarious. It's like a Nickelodeon kids show skit.

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a4techkeyboard t1_jalhggg wrote

I imagine they got slimed or a temple guard jumps out and hugged them.

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kingdazy t1_jalicv8 wrote

The more I watch, the more I think that's a valid assessment. It's a "bad 90s scifi action drama" made with "Nickelodeon tween drama" production values.

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internetpointsaredum t1_jao9ihi wrote

I honestly want a spaceship show that's just the civilian portions of Macross/Megazone 23. A giant city in space you don't even realize is a colony ship until people go through a bulkhead door. Make it the setting of a police procedural or something.

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a4techkeyboard t1_jal89ic wrote

The worst thing is they pepper in attempts to show they pay attention to science like it's a hard science show only to completely disregard that point specifically.

"Oh what about solar sails to push us away from its path? What, we're too far from any suns!"

then later

"Oh, wait, the asteroid is a comet, you can tel by its tail!"

Comets only have tails if they're near a sun.

And nevermind all their inconsistent stuff about gravity.

Establishing the spinning is required for gravity and then... they have gravity on the bits that don't spin. And on the bit that spins, they walk where the ceiling should be and have domes implying they'd be bowl shaped if the gravity was working correctly.

Plus, they're under thrust! They're ignoring thrust gravity, too.

Also, where do they get their seemingly infinite supply of oxygen anyway? They have a leak and suddenly, the air gets refilled just by being to locate the leak, not by actually plugging the leak.

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Fallcious t1_jamqt2n wrote

I’ve given up watching it, but I did wonder if they were going to reveal something similar to the Hitchhikers plot line where the most useless to society where all bundled up on a colony ship and sent off world.

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a4techkeyboard t1_jal7jlt wrote

I was doing that but even I couldn't finish the one where everyone was hallucinating.

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SQUID_FUCKER t1_jch3qyw wrote

Same, I find the quality of it almost comforting, or endearing. One of my favorite details is when they're on the bridge and they're passing by 'stars' like road signs on a highway.

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malcolm58 t1_jal5j77 wrote

Watched half of episode 1 and although I love scifi it was crap.

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chicagoredditer1 t1_jal6erm wrote

It makes you nostalgic for the cheap foreign imports that SyFy was peddling years ago - at least they were trying and could be fun.

This is just low effort and cheap.

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CapnOnTheBridge t1_jal3m78 wrote

I'm sticking with it for now. It's full of tropes, but there's not enough new space sci-fi on tv that isn't Trek or Star Wars (of which I love both).

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kylejohnsnow t1_jam8ecz wrote

That's how I feel about it. I'm not expecting Citizen Kane here. It's my weekly lowgrade hit of Sci-Fi. Its also not some part of a tent pole franchise where I need to watch a dozen other spin off series; I can just take it for what it is.

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Bloody_Ozran t1_janskv7 wrote

Same here. I really like it though. It is not trying to be the best, so why looking for holes, it knows it has many. :D

Also like the fact it is not just another X show of a franchise.

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jal5dge wrote

I don't even mind the tropes, its just how badly they are executed.

Even down the generic looking sets and props.

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CapnOnTheBridge t1_jal6lmo wrote

Yeah. It's not The Expanse, unfortunately. I truly just try and take what I can get these days. Also I think the main chick is kinda cute in her own dorky way. It's possible that it will lose my interest eventually.

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Queen_Of_InnisLear t1_jam24zk wrote

I turned it off as soon as the kid showed his piles of soil and the LT was clueless as to why super soil would be helpful on a ship of people soon to be starving to death. She said why are you showing me this and I turned it the eff off. I just cannot. ......I might go back 🤣

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Fallcious t1_jamr6a6 wrote

That was overtaken by them saying they were going to take the human waste, extract all the useful minerals and salts from it and then throw away the useless urea. I felt like somebody on the writing team must know science enough to troll the viewers with bait like that.

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jamuyjb wrote

Or someone on the writing team is glancing at wikipedia and not understanding what they are reading!

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jamrjoz wrote

By episode 3 like 75% of the characters are proven, admitted, or suspected of being frauds anyway so all I can think is that this extreme stupidity among crew which should know better was intentional?

I'm not kidding BTW, seems more than half the crew stole an identity or scammed their way on the ship!

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[deleted] t1_jamw4hq wrote

All the capable crew died in Episode 1. The Crew of the series are frauds, imposters, instagram stars, tardigrade clones, deckhands and support personel

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38andstillgoing t1_janad4b wrote

Are you saying this is the B-Ark?

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meatball77 t1_jann3ip wrote

There were two rooms. One had all the qualified scientists and the other had all the interns. Everyone died in the scientist room leaving the ship with the beautiful smart people they brought along mostly as breeding stock.

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Queen_Of_InnisLear t1_jaqohpb wrote

I am dying 🤣😭 I think I have to watch to keep track of just how awful it is

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jarhzug wrote

Just watched up to episode 5 last night.

Evil clones that can become psychotic and murderous suddenly are now part of the plot.

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Main-Neat-1372 t1_jc8h5af wrote

Because of course they would have a hydroponics system, not soil…

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KrzysztofKietzman t1_jamdn2r wrote

They also "discovered a new element of the pediodic table". Lol, new elements would be super unstable and have a very short half life. Not to mention, such an element wouldn't be just laying around on a comet.

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cbbuntz t1_janldxb wrote

I enjoy the redundancy of "of the periodic table" though

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i81u812 t1_jamd4ql wrote

It is accidentally hilarious because legit every single character is super hateable. I fucking hate, every single one of them.

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marakinta t1_jast5zc wrote

Haven't bothered to remember anyone's name, but I kinda like the Scottish/Irish navigator dude for his snark, and the bald security guy for his no BS attitude. The vast majority are just living stereotypes.

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Teamsumo13 t1_jamfvib wrote

I read a review saying it finds it stride in episode 4, but I don't think I can watch episode 3. It has nothing to interest me like the 100 did, no veteran actors mixed with coming of age stories, just slop.

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79215185-1feb-44c6 t1_jaovhud wrote

I really enjoy this show, it's people who do not appreciate campy space sci fi that are the problem.

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jaowb6h wrote

I actually liked Dark Matter which was campy as shit and low budget, but it leaned into it and it felt more like we the audience know what we're in for.

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79215185-1feb-44c6 t1_jaowz17 wrote

I enjoyed Dark Matter as well. Both shows have a very similar level of campiness, but I'm not at all surprised because both came from Ex-Stargate producers, and was also a fan of Helix even before that (Also a fan of RDM).

Modern shows have way too much focus on being serious, this is just lighthearted fun.

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jaoxoif wrote

I think the reason why Dark Matter worked for me while The Ark doesn't is the premise. Ark has a premise that sounds dead serious, so the fact its not taken seriously is just kind of annoying. Where DM the premise was inherently pulpy and goofy if that makes sense?

Like if its campy and corny they need to stop the "we have 48 hours until we all die" plots every episode.

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79215185-1feb-44c6 t1_jaozmwq wrote

Watch the latest episode and you will see that its premise is absolutely comical >!They are basically creating a tech cult similar to what people have done to Elon Musk in recent years!<

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jap5ngr wrote

Ah lol I will check it out.

Then this was a problem with marketing and the trailer, which made this look like a gritty survival story.

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Main-Neat-1372 t1_jc8hlkz wrote

Someone please tell Alicia to finish all her words- the transcontinental accent doesn’t work in this show

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wired41 t1_jal39ta wrote

Gosh, I was looking forward to this. Sad.

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jal4apa wrote

I forgot to add the sets and props and hell even lighting are awful lol

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vooglie t1_jaqnnfr wrote

I wouldn’t worry too much about the over analytical faux scientists of reddit - watch it and make up your own mind.

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cronedog t1_jalau9s wrote

I was too. I was thinking a lot about ark ships when the trailer dropped

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thrilling_me_softly t1_jamxq1e wrote

I couldn’t get past the first episode when all the people started floating around it looked so awful.

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twbrn t1_jankyf8 wrote

It's Dean Devlin, what do you expect? The guy has made a career out of mostly bad movies that ignore logic and science.

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cbbuntz t1_janlz6d wrote

I haven't seen it, but a ton of sci fi has physics that don't make sense like that, The Expanse being a major exception. I think Star Trek TNG has an episode or two where they're stuck without inertia

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sparklingvireo t1_janm5af wrote

It's funny how the physics work. Sections of the ship spin to simulate gravity, but apparently this generates the effect on the non-spinning parts of the ship like the bridge and bio-dome.

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jannlqb wrote

This is the problem with even trying for scientific accuracy, even media that prided itself on being diamond hard usually fails(The Martian, Gravity). You've either got to commit to it, or mostly ignore it and use technobabble that feels authentic in story.

This show wants to have it both ways.

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internetpointsaredum t1_jao8m66 wrote

I was going to give a chance after the first episode but then the second episode kept up killing extras when they have a finite number of crew.

Also the cryobays are the one section of the ship that shouldn't be spinning.

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southjam143 t1_jb63xqi wrote

I am enjoying it. Midway through the first season of 12 episodes. The Ark is fun, while not the best scifi show I have ever watched. It is jelling and the characters are finding their footage. I am in for the entire 12 episodes. Hoping for more improvement with each!

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ChaserNeverRests t1_jb7hle0 wrote

In another post, someone described it as a cheap knockoff of Stargate: Universe. I loved SG:U and so I watched a couple eps through those eyes.

Eventually it got too bad though and I just couldn't stick with it anymore.

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jb7i3xa wrote

I actually loved SGU when it first aired but it seemed no one else did! The one element I absolutely loved was how they embraced the ancient ship that is breaking down premise and actually had the scientists on board do science like jury rigging carbon dioxide scrubbers!

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ChaserNeverRests t1_jb7ib9z wrote

Yeah! And I loved how all the characters were grey, no "good guys" and "bad guys".

Ark has some elements of that, but... god it's just so bad. It's like a bad YA version of SGU.

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jb7j4vu wrote

By episode 5 its clear this show is NOT as serious as the trailer and early episodes made it seem. Evil clones exist in this setting, and they have a propensity to go psychotic suddenly.

The concept of aliens is also introduced, based off almost nothing via dialogue.

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ChaserNeverRests t1_jb7jho8 wrote

I think I only made it to 3. When they somehow mined water, filling their entire tanks up in a moment, from the asteroid. And then letting people have unlimited showers. Because they just couldn't run out of water again, right?

Now I've made myself annoyed again, haha.

Evil clones sounds exactly like a plot they'd use.

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jb7jwq8 wrote

Apparently they don't even have equipment to test or treat the water because it ends up poisoning the entire crew and they are all hallucinating next episode.

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ChaserNeverRests t1_jb7k9pr wrote

Oh god that sounds amazingly bad. I'm tempted to watch it just to see how bad, but it will only annoy me because if it were better, it could be an amazing show.

I love the idea so much, just hate all the characters and the writing. I'd love to see it full of adult, intelligent, reasonable characters.

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NGHTWNG22 t1_jdptojj wrote

Coming from an engineering background, it is actually physically painful watching the scientific inaccuracies in this show. You either go proper sci-fi a la Stargate, Star Trek etc and maintain a level of consistency and limitations on how the sci-fi elements you introduce work, or you go grounded in reality like The Expanse or The Martian. You don't try and use realistic science then proceed to butcher it up to come up with idiotic and nonsensical macguffins like a magical pressure suit that allows a wearer to wake up and move immediately from cryosleep, or showing a spinning spaceship that magically has artificial gravity everywhere - even where it doesn't spin, or magically coming across comets, asteroids, and f**king entire planetary systems and stars?? for the exact resources they need in the middle of the empty void between Sol and Alpha Centauri which also happens to be the closest star system to Earth by literally several light years.

Exactly what was to be expected from a constantly failing upwards clown like Dean Devlin though to be fair. So don't know why I even bothered watching it.

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jdr5s40 wrote

What I can't understand is the contradictions within the SAME EPISODE like an earlier one where the engine died so they are dead in space(cut to exterior shot of the ship and yup they are immobile) then later in the same episode slightly changing their inertial trajectory is a plot point! Then we have the fact as of the latest episodes we have had it hammered into out heads they are heading to Proxima Centauri which they outright state is the closest solar system to earth. So why they happen on a freaking planetary body in the void of space?!

As of the latest episode they are going full soap opera as well.

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Difficult-Factor-303 t1_jeee5xc wrote

Every character on the show is an absolute caricature, but Lt. Garnet is by far the most laughable. A genetically enhanced clone who is obviously superior in every way except for the fact that she is emotionally vulnerable and just wants to be loved.

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PengwinOnShroom t1_jalz7up wrote

It's too bad many new sci fi space shows are terrible. The Expanse was one of just few great ones. Ascension was also pretty nice if we ignore the personal drama but in the end it's actually >!not a space opera and cancelled on that cliffhanger too!<

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Columbus43219 t1_jan9di0 wrote

Is Ascension the one about the colony spaceship in the 50s/60s? I always figured it was a victim of some sort of network switch in the middle. Never bothered to check.

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PengwinOnShroom t1_janh8bm wrote

Yeah that one. Think it's worth checking it out., just be aware of such a cliffhanger though

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Hausgebrauch t1_janxz74 wrote

I think it's time to lay the "The FX look like PS1 or 2 cutscenes" meme to rest. It's just never accurate. Even the cheapest Asylum productions looked better than that. If you go full stereotypical internet hater, at least be accurate.

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opiate_lifer OP t1_jao28o7 wrote

I am talking about the scenes in episode 2 or 3 of the crew in suits doing a spacewalk, it was jaw droppingly bad. The movement was so jerky and stiff it looked like a youtube poop where someone has a still image move across the screen. The crewmember then touches a crystal which dissolves his suit's glove and it disintegrates as obvious polygons!

The scenes of the ship aren't great or anything, but that spacewalk was worse than amateur CGI animations.

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