Dating in your 30s

Submitted by [deleted] t3_yh4lc1 in springfieldMO

I just moved back to the area after ten years spent in Denver. I graduated from a local high school in 2011. I was an army brat so only spent two years in the area. I’m curious about how people meet/date in this area when they reach their 30s Since I lived in Colorado where on average people didn’t settle down until mid/late 30s, if at all. Denver is not conservative so I’ve found marriage as an institution isn’t a top priority for young people there. I’m not religious but I understand Christ is very important to people in this part of the country which I respect but it’s not for me. I know that eliminates a significant number of available singles. My interests/hobbies - stand up comedy, I’m looking forward to catching a show at Blue Room. Catching movies on the big screen. Karaoke; would definitely appreciate any recommendations for bars who hold karaoke nights. I usually meet many cool people at karaoke nights. It’s a great ice breaker & to see people put themselves out there is always a good time.

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_ism_ t1_iuc3zk4 wrote

I just want to validate your culture shock. I moved away from the area for college and came back as a 30 something and I had spent time away in a far more progressive area and it was just weird coming back here and being a new person and feeling like how it is here. But there are still some cool people. You might find them on our local discord chat.

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Notchersfireroad t1_iuc4j9n wrote

I gave up and I'm happy for it. Major culture shock moving here 4 years ago. Staunchly child free and finding a non religious and child free partner here seems impossible so I'm learning to go it alone.

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StealthyPenguins t1_iudcr2z wrote

I grew up here and gave up ages ago lol finding someone that isn’t bothered by my lack of religion wasnt the issue, for me, it was finding someone who respected I was childfree. I figure if a guy fell out of the sky I click with is one thing, but I’m over dating and I’m cool with it.

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Notchersfireroad t1_iudebss wrote

This whole thread is kind of shocking me there are multiple of us out there and all having the same issue.

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StealthyPenguins t1_iudelhg wrote

I was surprised, too! Haha I know there’s decent people in Springfield, so I guess I shouldn’t be too shocked. I’m in my early 30s now and I’m much more of a homebody now days, so maybe that’s why I’ve missed them all haha

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Notchersfireroad t1_iudffmr wrote

That's always been my problem, I hate going out and I've always worked solo. I've noticed out here many many relationships start at the workplace. Even if I had that opportunity I've seen it backfire on so many people. Don't poop where you eat kinda thing.

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curious_bi-winning t1_iuc9lzr wrote

I was considering Springfield, but I too am non-religious and don't want children. Sad to hear there. I thought this city had lots of transplants.

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Notchersfireroad t1_iudbxai wrote

It does have tons of transplants the issue seems so many of them end up indoctrinated into the crazy hillbilly MO lifestyle.

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Engineer443 t1_iudfpp2 wrote

Hillbilly lifestyle is THE draw for many. I keep hearing “we escaped from California (or wherever)”. As though they fled like a refugee in the dark of night narrowly escaping the guards.

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cktk9 t1_iufxmfg wrote

Just curious what the other options are?

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curious_bi-winning t1_iugmjol wrote

I was also considering these options:

Fayetteville/Bentonville, Arkansas

Prescott, Arizona

Fort Collins, Colorado

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mr_heathcliffe t1_iuda3au wrote

Same! I'm going through a divorce, also child free and religious, and I will NOT even attempt the dating pool here

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Spiffy_Dude t1_iudm2t1 wrote

I’ll raise you one. My wife and I are moving once i finish my degree so that our daughter doesn’t end up trying the dating pool here 😂

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Saltpork545 t1_iujus56 wrote

This is what I did.

Old enough to not want to date college students, yet not Christian and not looking to take care of single parents, which is a specific subset I didn't realize existed until I started dating in my 30s. It's not all single parents obviously but like...you can tell.

I think there's a lot of us that fall into this group of 'forget it, the dating environment isn't great'

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RockemChalkemRobot t1_iue7qvg wrote

This is so strange to me. My last 3 partners were all childless, and only one of them was religious but not a church goer. All 3 were happenstance encounters that lead to conversation and then on to a relationship.

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teamhj t1_iudfchd wrote

Karaoke at Ruthie's on Commercial Street is always a good time. I believe they have it every Friday and Saturday night.

I'm one half of an atheist, child-free, mid-30s couple living in Springfield. You're going to be in the minority, but there are definitely people here that aren't living the stereotype, we're just a bit harder to find.

Keep an eye on events happening in and around downtown and C-street, that's where you'll find the highest concentration of like minded folks. The Downtown Springfield Association website is good resource. Trivia and game nights are often held at various bars/breweries (Prime Time, Hold Fast, Finnegan's, Mothers) and are another great way to meet interesting folks. If you're using dating apps, be very up-front with your views and interests and you may be surprised how many people start conversations in agreement.

Good luck and welcome back. We need more people like you around here.

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Television_Wise t1_iud99p8 wrote

I found my partner through a dating app. We're both liberal, childfree and don't attend church. I never had a problem finding similar people to date, even if they are usually transplants (people that moved here from New York, Colorado, etc).

I liked Friends for Karaoke and I'd recommend the Alamo for movies.

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Wendypeffy t1_iudxcpt wrote

Same. My partner is a transplant from Texas/Washington. Best way to find people don’t live and breathe the low quality culture around here.

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oWatchdog t1_iud98ik wrote

Before I lucked into finding my SO I was planning on volunteering. I figured the people I would meet would be better quality (on average) than at a bar or Tinder. On top of which I wouldn't feel forced. I feel like I'm wasting time/money at the bar if I strike out, and I feel like I'm wasting my entire existence on dating apps. Volunteering is still beneficial even if nothing else comes of it.

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DusenberryPie t1_iucc6mi wrote

For karaoke places, I love Bugsy malones, I've heard good things about friends as well. I'm always down for yelling into mic nights.

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Aimless78 t1_iud8j1k wrote

I'm not sure about dating in your 30s but I can tell you in your 40s it sucks!

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sr20rocket t1_iudy0gc wrote

Amen 40s brother or sister!

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Aimless78 t1_iue1cgl wrote

I have nearly given up on dating! It sucks as a woman to deal with all the games that many men play. I know there are good men out there but when you deal with all the garbage that some men put out there (i.e. unwanted dick pics, guys claiming to want the same thing you want but then tell you differently after you begin talking, married men posing as a single man, men wanting a woman to raise their kids as in take over all the parenting of his kids, and the lies that are on the dating apps from lots of people!)

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sr20rocket t1_iue1ndn wrote

Happy cake day!

And if you feel like comiserating, feel free to hit me up by message. If not, that's cool too.

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65tptjetchipwasp t1_iue4df9 wrote

It absolutely sucks. So many people wanting the same old thing, women looking for their sitcom husband, looking to contribute little to the equation. So many guys living through the endlessly frigid relationships and being blamed for wanting more than to be just a placeholder. Coupled with the lack of trying that is embedded in the ethos of the area leads anyone with a minimal amount of sanity to just give up. Also, why in the world are women convinced that all other women who date are whores?

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Aimless78 t1_iufccar wrote

I am not sure why some women think that way but yet they are the only non-dating whore out there?!?! gif They need to pull their head out and realize that there are many other good people out there.

Even as a woman I have never understood other women, they are very jealous and damaged is all I can think of to explain it.

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biostatistical t1_iudf1ym wrote

While I'm not quite 30, I almost am and finding a partner that is actually liberal/leftist and childfree almost seems impossible here. I'm just a little defeated over it. I wish you luck though.

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lemler3 t1_iud99z6 wrote

Yo it's creepy how similar our stories areI also just moved out of Colorado and just turned 30

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Low_Tourist t1_iuej0mz wrote

The best advice - date out of the area. It's some work, but people are much more driven? Goal oriented?

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FlyWhiteGuyActual t1_iudl7ap wrote

30's/male, moved here recently too from living in lake side, central city, aurora(fml) for the last 7 years trying to find new meaning in life in branson/springfield now after getting bored of the city gunfire and ghetto birds circling every weekend.

it's cheaper here, it's ...less exciting here...shit tons of bike trails and hiking trails though thank god, but now i feel like i'm in some kind of twilight zone episode: maga country vs. the straight mixed american diversity that was the colorado experience.

i have 0 expectations i'll ever meet the type person i had hoped to meet in colorado when i had originally moved THERE, here now in a way, after living here for a year. but i still feel like i'm not resigning myself to quit dating but yeah after living here for awhile now and in branson as well...

i'm moving soon and it's like damn, i'm sorry i moved here in a way. i grew up in wyandotte, KC too. nothing feels like home here anymore in KC or MO but colorado did. wtf happened or has it always been that way for 30 year olds here. too many churches, not enough sane singles or people really and the politicians here don't represent my interest, at all. hell.

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Wendypeffy t1_iudxnzu wrote

Dating apps are helpful. I found my guy on hinge. It’s a good way to meet people who are not from around here and have different values.

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strrdust t1_iueov2v wrote

Dating in Springfield….

Hahahahaha

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TurtleSoup58 t1_iuft9eo wrote

Glad you asked. It’s terrible. I don’t do the whole bar thing. Dating apps stink around here. 30’s male here, unless you go out to bars, it’s kinda dead.

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Peteyistick t1_iugo7c8 wrote

yeah everyone’s trying to get married within 4 years of graduating high school or else they’re a failure. pfft

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Apprehensive-Wing894 t1_iuc5yma wrote

One thing I learned, especially with the under 30 crowd, if you have traditional ideas of relationships/marriage.....the people here are NOT going to fit the bill. The hookup culture here is an absolute dumpster fire of toxic and cancerous behavior.

The strangest thing I've noticed is how everyone is so okay with being passed around, everyone seems to know everyone because if it I've noticed. Not saying its all that way but majority appears to be that way.

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curious_bi-winning t1_iuc9oo8 wrote

Where and how have you noticed something like this?

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Apprehensive-Wing894 t1_iudrq4w wrote

>everyone because if it I've noticed. Not sayin

I work downtown, I manage 8 buildings, 4 centered towards college aged kids, the other 4 is more aimed at the 30-50 crowd there. I'm hands on and like to get to know most of the tenants, through my conversations over the years I've gleamed this sad reality. People can downvote me all day long but doesn't stop the truth from still being true. The stats show marriage is dropping, LTR are becoming rarer, and marriage/divorce rates are going in bad directions.

The worst part of my job is the domestic violence calls and drug ODs, people in general seem really unhappy anymore. It's really sad to think the majority of the low 20s will probably never find real long lasting love.

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Low_Tourist t1_iughwi5 wrote

Young 20something adults are *checks notes* having sex? THE HORROR!! HARLOTS!!!

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