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n3w4cc01_1nt t1_j1el8b9 wrote

Reply to comment by snash222 in Narcissistic tendencies moderate the association between testosterone levels and generosity in men by chrisdh79

narcissistic generosity is viewed as an equation. they are always more concerned about what's the return rather than just doing the right thing because it's right.

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thebestoflimes t1_j1fneaf wrote

Big showy gift giving is a form of status.

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chevymonza t1_j1gkhtn wrote

The narcissist I used to have in my life was an aggressive gift-giver. I can look around this room and see a bunch of things they bought, but it was obnoxious- essentially taking over all the decor after a while bit by bit.

But of course you can't complain about "generous" gift-givers.

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SoFetchBetch t1_j1gmat3 wrote

Hmm… this is interesting to me. My mom is an aggressive gift giver but it’s because she’s a hoarder and when she goes hunting for new things at the thrift store or flea markets/yard sales she always finds stuff she wants to give me. It’s really frustrating tbh because I don’t want any more stuff but if I tell her that she gets sad. Difficult thing to manage.

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CyborgElephant t1_j1gsnpe wrote

Re-donate it, don’t feel obligated to keep things you have no need or want for.

From someone who’s parent is an extreme hoarder, it’s very easy to get roped into their madness. Learn to let go and don’t be afraid to offend, their pain is not your pain.

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AnneNonnyMouse t1_j1gtqhd wrote

Oof... this brought up a lot of memories about, my parents, my ex and his family. To this day I hate receiving gifts.

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chevymonza t1_j1kay05 wrote

Isn't it wacky?! I'm looking at a small pile of gifts from relatives in the corner, waiting for tomorrow. Sooo much STUFF in this house, I can't keep up- MIL is constantly offloading stuff she no longer wants on us, plus my mother's stuff after she went to a nursing home, cousins' stuff in the attic, it gets suffocating.

I go to thrift stores to drop stuff off at least every month, and we still have so much.

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funkygrrl t1_j1fvlbx wrote

I bet they invented "re-gifting".

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worldDev t1_j1gdomj wrote

People on a budget that get random thoughtless gifts on the holidays invented re-gifting. If something is not going to be used, I’m going to give it to someone that wants it so it doesn’t go to waste. I would hope if I miss the mark giving someone a gift they didn’t want that they can pass it on to someone. I would even go as far to say if you are offended when someone regifts your gift, you are narcissistically tying the gift to your own pride and ego.

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zapatocaviar t1_j1gg7h7 wrote

Yep. This. It’s the best form of recycling (reuse).

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KevinIsMyBFF t1_j1htgu7 wrote

>offended

Key word. Anyone can be hurt, no one wants to feel like they missed the mark with someone they are close to, but if you do it's ok, you can try again. No one said you can't gift to a loved one whenever :)

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funkygrrl t1_j1i5emx wrote

My wealthy grandfather's second wife was a notorious regifter. One Christmas she gave me a green camisole with a size C cup. I was 10 years old. That same Christmas, she gave my little brothers really thin beach towels and had forgotten to remove the $1 Kmart tags from them. So when I think regifter, I think of her...rich and selfish and cheap.

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Ragnarok314159 t1_j1f8b5d wrote

Narcissistic men are also very generous in order to try and get sex. Had several buddies like this before realizing how toxic of humans they are and parted ways.

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echk0w9 t1_j1j3ym0 wrote

The narc I know is generous in acts of service. Not because he cares about the people, because it yields him social currency. If he wants something from you, he’ll make an effort to look like he “has your back” and is “helpful” in whatever way suits him (not you.) this is all with the intention of some “return” and “how dare you not… bc I did … for you.” For ppl he “dates” it’s for sex. For his family it’s for money and an assumed inheritance. If you say “hey, you’re in town in two weeks, when you’re can you help me pick up a new tv? My car isn’t big enough.” You’ll get ghosted and gaslighted. However, if you mention you need to take your trash out, he’ll drive 90 min to “take your trash out and help you walk the dog” when you’re literally capable of doing both. And what does he expect? Absolute adoration and anything he suggests you should jump at and you should deny him nothing. If you do? How dare you! I drove 90 min to take out your trash and you can’t do xyz for me!”

In addition, he uses it to support his own belief that he is a “good person” and that it negates anything horrible he’s done in his life. If he’s done all of these things for others, he is clearly a good person despite also being a rapist and abuser.

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