Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

oneworkaholic t1_iwbu2g3 wrote

My parents turned me into a recluse and tried making me a preacher. Raised in strict religion. Now I feel guilty for doing anything :/

59

Ineedavodka2019 t1_iwcb05y wrote

Counseling will help over time. You don’t need to live with someone else’s guilt.

25

OrganicPumpkin9156 t1_iwcjwdz wrote

Not necessarily. I've been through the gamut of therapists and none have been able to help me because the primary problem is other people stubbornly insisting on hating me no matter how well I treat them.

5

Ineedavodka2019 t1_iwd5kb7 wrote

You might consider cutting all contact with toxic people like that. You can’t heal if you keep getting hurt over and over.

5

OrganicPumpkin9156 t1_iwd68do wrote

That would require cutting myself off from society entirely - which is exactly what my abusers are trying to force me to do. There are no non-toxic people - there are only abusers and their enablers, and the only solution is to break the stubbornness and programming of the enablers so that they don't enable anymore.

0

Ineedavodka2019 t1_iwdewsh wrote

Wow. You just went full on conspiracy. You should first start with people on your life that are actively harming you.

5

Mal-Capone t1_iwdxdo4 wrote

(obviously, this is all very broadly speaking and will not pertain to every single person; this has just been my experience, from both sides.)

it's super easy to dismiss the kind of talk /u/OrganicPumpkin9156 as "crazed" or "rooted in conspiracy" because from the outside it can definitely read like that but when your whole life is that situation, it's almost impossible to not see threats everywhere.

a lot of people who are abused for a long time can develop hyper-vigilance to keep themselves safe because there's no one else to do it for them and everything seems like a threat. it's a bit much to assume everyone is an abuser/enabler and yet, i do understand that kind of mentality.

i remember watching a video a couple days ago where a very abused puppy was receiving pets and love but it was crying out like it was being beaten; the poor thing had only known pain so when there was ANY outside physical touch, good or bad, it reacted as if it was being hurt because it had only known that its whole life.

they say that loving someone who has never been loved fairly takes a lot of patience and part of that is honestly reeducation; trying to teach that person that their expectations and routines that have kept them safe all their life are now actively hurting them and need to be retooled for a difference scenario.

10

Ineedavodka2019 t1_iwdy9g3 wrote

I agree with you. However, am a random commenter on Reddit, I do not feel like I was trying to be rude. I also don’t feel any love for organicpumpkin, although I feel empathy for their situation. I only made my suggestions as someone that was emotionally manipulated and abused and had to leave behind my entire family in order to begin to heal. Sometimes, you have to cut the repeat trauma causers out so you can learn to begin healing. Thank you for your insight.

2

OrganicPumpkin9156 t1_iwe0es4 wrote

Again, there is NO way to "cut out" the repeat trauma causers because the species, at the anthropological level, are psychologically compelled to continue to abuse what the are ultimately afraid of.

−2

OrganicPumpkin9156 t1_iwdzyy1 wrote

Thank you; you are exactly correct - except for the last paragraph.

You need to ask yourself: How did that happen in the first place? How was a child exposed exclusively and only to abuse, and never to any caring or considerate behavior? The answer is simple: because people let that happen, on purpose. And that allowance of abuse is core to who people are as a species. Allowing other children to be abused is how they secure the futures of their own children. Human beings are only half-social - they may work together to achieve things, but they'll also work together to harm the "other", whoever the "other" is labeled as. That was exactly how I was arbitrarily labelled as a child, and that wasn't an accident - anyone in charge could have insisted that I was part of the group everyone else was in, but instead they re-affirmed that I was the "other" and gave tacit, if not explicit, permission for everyone to beat me up.

That is what humanity is as a species. Any anthropology textbook will tell you this, if you bother to read it.

My expectations and defenses are not "actively hurting" me because you motherfuckers never changed because abusing me still gets you - and will always get you* - what you all want. You all compulsively need to feel superior to me because I frighten you because you all are too mentally weak and lazy to understand me. You neurologically cannot treat me well because you define your identities by who you are superior to; admitting you all are wrong about me means complete psychological collapse - a fate worse than death.

Everyone around at the time had every opportunity to speak up against the abuse that was inflicted on me; that fact that ZERO people did condemns the whole species. The people born later need to punish those who allowed my abuse before I consider any behavior they exhibit as legitimate.

0

tokyogodfather2 t1_iwe6u4f wrote

Have you ever heard of the animation called Boku No Hero Academia? (my Hero Academia). I say this is all sincerity as someone who , as a traumatized child found much solace in Japanese animation.

I bring this up because your perspective sounds a lot like the argument given by The character Shigaraki. It might help you to see a character in fiction that you can relate to.

But also see how the world actually WASN’T that way, he just saw it that way. Just a thought.

5