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If I somehow manage to outlive my wife, I expect to live with pets and no one else. The pets will be able to use me as a food source once I die until my corpse is discovered weeks later. Low expectations for the win.

"“It actually turns out to be different,” she said. People can still feel lonely, even if they don’t spend much time alone."

i don't get this study. This is just unrealistic expectations causing inner stress. Get rid of the expectations gets rid of the stress. And it's not just relationships, it's anything in life. Make good solid decisions in life, then accept the universe unfolding how it will.

And this is why communication is key. If your partner has no idea why you’re stressed or depressed or lonely or whatever, they can’t help and you’ll just keep digging deeper and growing apart.

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I'm never lonely because I expect nothing from my social relationships, and I'm never disappointed.

My pets are pet rocks.

Ah, I see that you, intelligent smartphone addict that you are, opted for the NO RISK NO REWARD social package. A conservative choice.

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I personally would adjust this statement as “making your own well-being a priority in your life”. This prevents you from falling into the trap of chasing some unattainable, vaguely defined notion of “happiness” as a “goal state” that the culture tells us we should be experiencing at all times. Something that I think is all too easy to do for most of us.

This approach also has the benefit of being much more actionable most of the time. “True happiness” is abstract. But If something is sapping your well-being, you usually can identify it with 2-3 minutes of honest reflection.

I like this take. I think there’s also something to be said for taking some time during those 2-3 minutes of reflection to focus on what is bringing you joy and doing more of that. This way you can work toward enhancing the good as well as mitigating the bad.

If my kids are the ones creating the stress, can I just put myself first and leave them, please?

this is called schizoid personality disorder

Never had a relationship or friends so guess can't be disappointed when have no idea what they are like or ever will

You could, but imo it’s different when there’s kids involved. No one forces you to have kids, and until they can fend for themselves they are wholly dependent on others for care. If you’re absolutely miserable and/or their welfare would improve with you out of the picture then so be it, otherwise you have an obligation to them to see them through to at least self-sufficiency.

Unless you were just telling a joke, in which case sure.

I’m in this post and I don’t like it.

I hate sharing why I’m stressed because it feels like a dumb thing to stress about so then I’m stressed all over again because why would I be worried about something so stupid that I can’t talk about it?

They wont wait for the body to fester

Frankly I don't even know why I'm depressed or lonely.

Could be avoidant.

Desire causes suffering.

Then an option is to find someone that can help you figure and work it out. I suggest a professional, if it's possible for you!

So you don’t understand the study…and yet you agree completely with its findings?

Yeah, not feasible for me. But I wish everyone else luck with that!

Sometimes it just takes a really long time to discover your spouse is an asshole.

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Yes.. think of it as an oxygen mask, if in lets use stress as ‘the plane is going down’ then u take the oxygen mask once your ‘oxygenated’ then you are fully equipped to pass to your children and help them better… basically think of yourself first, if you go down u all go down!

Slightly facetious. Only slightly

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I know what they don’t need. Is a smart ass comment

I never share because the few times that I did, nobody ever took me seriously or actually tried to help so why bother?

You wont. As Dr. Nesse indicates in his book "Good reasons for bad feelings", even your emotional state is dictated by gene-environment interactions, much of which might be outside your control.

Haha. Good thinking- until your partner responds differently to your hope/expectations and it further reinforces the sense of loneliness. It’s tricky.