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casus_bibi t1_je56zhu wrote

It is a lot easier to get overwhelmed with executive dysfunction, making disruptive (or disobedient) behavior more difficult to deal with. It's very easy to go from zero to 100 if a young child keeps up bad behavior, like loud screaming/singing/noise, or if the kid refuses to clean up their mess (this is already difficult with ED, then add the additional difficulty of time pressure and a child refusing to clean up their toys), if you already warned them and are running out of energy to compensate. It's also relatively easy to attribute malicious intent to the behavior, because you have already warned them that you can't handle it and the behavior continues.

It seems probable to me that these mothers are trying to somewhat protect themselves from being overstimulated and overwhelmed as non compliance can trigger panic attacks, meltdowns, and anxiety.

As they only tested this with mothers of young children, it's possible that this authoritarian parenting style will become less rigid as the child develops more empathy for the needs of their parents, and the domestic noise levels and neediness of the kids lessens.

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hundredthlion t1_je6k1v8 wrote

I think the issue here is the fact that the authoritarian attitude and harsh response to the child is going to cause issues if they’re expecting their child to do things outside of the proper developmental level. No doubt executive functioning issues add to the mothers being overstimulated (I have ADHD and executive function is a real struggle at times) but the fact is there’s a solid chance the executive function issues are something the kids will experience as well. They expect the children to follow every direction without hesitation but struggle with executive function themselves - something they’d have trouble doing.

What’s interesting is the fact that they are perceiving negative intent even when it’s absolutely not there. I grew up with a harsh mother. When a parent is unable to self regulate and don’t actively work on it,
this causes a lot of issues for the kids. It’s a shame.

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Cognomifex t1_je6ezd5 wrote

This comment is very compassionate towards parents and kids, what a great read. If I was trying too hard to take issue with it I'd say that calling it 'bad behaviour' isn't fair to the kid but it's perfectly workable shorthand for this level of discussion and easier than calling it something like 'disruptive boundary-exploring behaviour'.

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dramignophyte t1_je5u5um wrote

Its okay, both the kids and the moms can be the problem. Don't need to make excuses for either party.

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