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tyler1128 t1_ja33sxu wrote

Reply to comment by pete_68 in Unpredictable childhood environments linked to food addiction in adulthood by chrisdh79

If only having children required training. Serious props to you for going the adoption route, it's important and undervalues.

EDIT: sorry, I misinterpreted it a bit. Still big props on doing foster parenthood.

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pete_68 t1_ja34wfm wrote

Thanks. It's terrifying and we're not 100% sure we're going to be able to do it. We're going to give it a shot, though. And if it works out, it works out and if it doesn't, we'll find some other way to help out.

As part of this process, we've spoken to a lot of foster families and found that they need a lot of support in other ways because there's just so much involved in fostering over taking care of a biological child. There are usually additional doctors appointments, therapists (psychological, occupational, etc), visitation with biological parents, etc.

They need help running errands, making meals, finding clothes, etc. So if we find that fostering's just not meant for us, we'll try to help out in those areas. I love to cook, so cooking up lots of good meals that can be frozen and reheated and in the oven, fresh bread, etc, are things I'd love doing. We could both help with the other things as well.

Fostering is hard. Fortunately, this training gives very realistic expectations because when we first started, my wife, I think, kind of idealized it and this has really kind of opened her eyes as to how hard it is.

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tyler1128 t1_ja359tz wrote

It is absolutely hard. As a gay male, I've probably seen more of it than the average person, but it's so damn important.

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momminhard t1_ja3h0q6 wrote

If only having children came with support

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tyler1128 t1_ja3hfjz wrote

I really wish they did to a level that mattered. I don't even like kids nor do I want children of any capacity, but if you can't give them a good life, don't have them. Obviously I'm also an advocate of birth control. Children are expensive, and any prospective parent should understand that and have a plan to deal with the extra cost.

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momminhard t1_ja3jqyx wrote

There used to be orphanages that took in kids that the parents couldn't support with the goal of the parents getting back on their feet and then getting their kids back. Foster care is a little like this but the kids are taken from their parents not given to the foster system. There's much more shame associated with it. Dropping your kid of at the orphanage was a last resort. You knew they wouldn't get the love and attention they need but they wouldn't die of starvation or exposure.

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