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Just_Tana t1_j85tx5i wrote

It’s hard though, sometimes goals change. Sometimes people aren’t honest with themselves on their goals. Sometimes people aren’t honest with each other. I wonder if flexibility is a better predictor for long term satisfaction?

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theeldertriforce t1_j86jslc wrote

“Sometimes people aren’t honest with themselves on their goals.”

This is a gut punch.

I would only add that they aren’t dishonest purposefully. Sometimes you think it is a goal until you reach that place and realize it’s not for you.

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Mogli_Puff t1_j86t14l wrote

Dammit. Me as soon as I was an engineer. Hated it....but becoming an engineer was like a life goal of mine. Still working on changing gears.

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SubiLou t1_j88rr6i wrote

There are many different types of careers in engineering. I found that I hate field support (emergently fixing broken crap), but love tech writing. Some weird people love quality assurance and compliance, while others love equipment design and training. I hope you get (or got) the chance to try out different options before you leave engineering all together.

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Just_Tana t1_j86nq0p wrote

Oh for sure. No one lies to themselves on purpose, except republican voters. But besides that.

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Damonarc t1_j86qcw5 wrote

These kind of ideals are so couple dependent. Some people are very willing to compromise and work it out with each other to find a middle ground, because they love and respect each other.

Love and respect and open dialogue are the keys. Everything else just makes the first three points easier.

In the modern world, with social media pressures and "internet advice" and the increase in narcissism makes respect and compromise very difficult for many.

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UnApprovedActivities t1_j86yz4s wrote

With personal experience in mind I'm also interested in how values factor in, because in my mind values allow for flexibility in a way that goals don't. So like, having similar values regarding how you live (eg. vegan/hunting; modestly/finer things; religious/not). There is a lot more flexibility in aiming to be a non-religious vegan household living modestly than in aiming to have 3 kids, 2 cars, and a house by 30.

Eta: I don't mean that goals don't matter btw. They really, really do. I mean I'm curious how goals and values combined impact a relationship.

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Dannyzavage t1_j88z82w wrote

If your goal changes that means it wasn’t a real goal just a side quest. That means your out here dating people who prioritize side quest.

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