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J-Colio t1_j0gfesf wrote

Reply to comment by dbakes80 in Investigative journalism on local Recovery organizations by dbakes80

Not op, but I see what they mean because I opened the link to proof-read. The third... let's call it a sentence, is triggering, and that's as far as I felt like reading because of it.

You literally learn to not start a sentence with a conjunction in like middle school... Yet here we are reading "But addiction is treatable," with the misplaced comma at the end...

Also, they had the headings. "INTRODUCTION" Just introduce the piece with an introductory paragraph. Ain't nobody got time for you to introduce your introduction...

Those are the kind of points op was making. Those are also points that get shown super early when learning to write, so tripping up on them really turns people off of reading. The reader low-key assumes the person who wrote it is at a middle-school level... Not trying to be mean here or berate your friend, but that's the effect of poor writing, and you asked for critique.

Edit: have the [...]'s link to the same thing the headings link to. As a user experience that's where I tried to click to read more, so when it didn't I assumed that's all there was. I clicked back to read more casually, and found out. It's awkward to scroll up (mentally) to the top to read more.

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dbakes80 OP t1_j0gfnfx wrote

Not taking any of this as rude or berating. I’m legitimately interested in the critique. Thanks for your thoughtful response.

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beatyouwithahammer t1_j0nsp7f wrote

You used a comma in your comment in the same manner as the individual you're criticizing. Further, you utilized meaningless memetic neologistic rhetoric such as "low-key." People didn't really say that so widely until the last few years, which means it's a trend, not some revolutionary word which describes something people should know about.

I really don't know if you should be criticizing this article, because after reading it, it's just fine. The content matters so much more, and the writing doesn't get in the way of it.

But I can understand if you desire to hold others to arbitrary rules of style which don't really matter. I guess.

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