I feel ya, the seasonal stuff gets me as well. It's like you're brain just hits a wall and everything else keeps flying forward.

The best way I've heard it described is that you're "perceiving life, instead of experiencing it". I get disassociated but I've gotten better at recognizing when I'm in that weird un-real feeling. The depersonalization that comes with it, at least for me.

You're last paragraph def hits home. And touches on that quote above for me. It's like having a constant argument with your self while you sit in the middle just sorta staring at the wall. I find speed/heavy metal or thrash helps work me up! Anger, even manufactured with music, is an easy emotion to slide into to help jump start my brain into motion. If that makes sense.

Like DIO! 🤟