It’s not worth it man, I checked your other posts. You may be gone but your loved ones will suffer in immense pain. I had a friend who committed suicide and I think about it every single day. When I’m driving or something reminds me of him, I’m remembered not only is he gone but he died in a horrific way. It will never leave me. I also have witnessed someone attempt and it’s seared into my memory. It’s not selfish to feel this way and there is no shame in reaching out for help. You’d be surprised how kind some people can be when you’re at your lowest. Wish you the best.