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Horror-Fisherman-575 t1_isxc7v3 wrote

I woke up feeling like a zombie. I might BE a zombie. I don’t want any brains though, so I guess I’m ok.

Here’s a thing: can you ever truly maintain a long lasting, deep, meaningful connection with someone with absolutely shit musical taste? I’ll try to be less condescending: how about, with someone whose musical and even cinematic taste, is vastly different from yours?

Like I feel like these things are tied to an overall worldview and are key components of a personality and those are things that fuel meaningful relationships for me.

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BritOnTheRocks t1_isxf24n wrote

I think it depends on what you prioritize in life and your relationships. If music or movies are important to you, then you will probably fair better with someone who shares similar tastes.

But if music is just background noise and movies mindless entertainment, then you'll probably be fine and have something else to connect over (food, politics, books, sports, or what-have-you).

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lycosid t1_isxkvi3 wrote

I think a lot of people get stuck in this mindset because so much of early dating (both in a relationship and early in life, generally) is about vibing over culture, but on the core values at issue in deep relationships, things like how you raise children, how important jobs and career ambitions are to you, or how open you each are to new experiences, those cultural preferences say almost nothing.

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fluufhead t1_isxuc92 wrote

Well said, I agree. I found it kind of reassuring to realize my deepest helped convictions are not actually about taste in music movies and other cultural signifiers

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CopOnTheRun OP t1_isxftff wrote

I feel the complete opposite way. As someone who spends relatively little time watching TV/movies and listens to music as background noise more than anything, I don't put much weight on them. There are so many more important aspects to any sort of relationship for me. Besides, outside of some sort of SO/partner, you're not usually forced to listen/watch someone else's taste in music or cinema.

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manyamile t1_isxgf0p wrote

“The spaces in between leave room for you and I to grow.”

  • Entres Nous, Permanent Waves, 1980, Rush
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gamerthrowaway_ t1_isxoahd wrote

> Like I feel like these things are tied to an overall worldview and are key components of a personality and those are things that fuel meaningful relationships for me.

I was going to make a quip about "yes, I am married" but then I got to this line. Just cause someone likes modern country music doesn't mean they are a bad person, it just means we have different rules about open air music playing or what happens in the car. When I did lots of stuff involving live music, I just went by myself cause they didn't have any interest in being in crowds or who was performing or anything like that.

The biggest things for a meaningful relationship for me is a significant overlap in core values regarding forward planning, kindness (not niceness, there is a difference), personal drive, conceptual thinking (or even more broadly but less of a metric, overall intelligence). A more distant fifth/sixth place would be broad political alignment, and value of children. A lot of that can be wrapped up in the idea of worldview, but I suspect you and I differ on what makes up that concept. It's really tough for me to invest a chunk of my (already stretched) emotional energy on someone if they deviate in multiple categories, especially that first set.

My spouse and I don't really share hobby interests (I have hobbies in music and gaming and painting, they in cycling, home crafts, cooking), we have very different Myers Brigs profiles (we share a T) and mine is strident at that... We're quite different people, but we share some foundational values; such as (but not limited to) we both share political views (even down to that 8 categories break out that Pew does), we are both driven, we're both kind (the whole east coast "baby needs a hat" theory resonates with us), but "nice" isn't usually an adjective attributed to us (especially me). I think it was Esther Perel who talked about "we are looking for someone who checks boxes for various needs we have at romantic/intellectual/social/etc levels" and my spouse checks more proverbial boxes (and the more important ones at that) than any other person I know. They don't check all of the boxes, but nobody does. We've been together for a long time.

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Pentakles t1_isxtn1z wrote

Thank you for taking the time to talk about the difference between nice and kind. I feel very much the same, especially as someone who also not given the 'nice' name often.

Don't expect me to coddle you over something pointless, but don't ever let me know you didn't have dinner. I will fight you to take care of you.

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gamerthrowaway_ t1_isxvka6 wrote

Exactly. I once heard it said that in NYC, people are kind, not nice. They will chew you out for blocking the side walk, but if your kid doesn't have a hat in January, they will give it their own (and then chew you out for being a bad parent). In LA, they are nice & polite to you, but will ghost you at the earliest inconvenience/time of trouble. It's an oversimplification and a stereotype, but there are elements of truth in it in my experience.

ninja edit: I once had a job working with surgeons. That's the only group of people I've met who (as a collective average) were both more kind and less nice than I am...

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Arcangelathanos t1_isy3po5 wrote

What is this baby needs a hat East Coast theory?

Edit: nevermind. I saw your response to another post and I agree 100%.

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SlowInvestor t1_isxit4h wrote

My wife and I like the same music. Completely opposite political views. We enjoy concerts together and don’t talk politics much. But when we do talk politics I try to keep an open mind. 14 yrs married this year. So I guess it depends on what’s important to you. If music is a big deal, find a music match. Otherwise adjust your priorities or expand your horizon a bit. Maybe you’ll find yourself growing and changing.

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ManBMitt t1_isxpfd7 wrote

My wife likes folk and pop. I like hip hop and electronic, can’t stand Taylor Swift. We’ve gone to each others’ favorite artists’ concerts, known each other for 8 years, married for 4, very happy together.

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dobromike t1_isyuuyx wrote

My mother-in-law is in town right now and I went to see Napalm Death last night. She said don't hang out with any druggies or tattooed people lol. Immediately thought "I gotta get out of this family". Only kidding of course, but yeah as a musician that thought has occurred to me my whole life and generally frustrates me when the topic of music comes up with anyone who's not a musician

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