I was in a somewhat similar situation a few years back. Was pretty sure I didn’t even want kids, and had never even held a baby until I held my daughter for the first time.

I was fucking terrified, and therapy didn’t help. All the fear and anxiety disappeared the first time I held my little girl, and she wrapped her tiny hand around my finger.

Her mom and I didn’t end up getting together, but we worked through the issues we had, and we work very well together. She and I are both now married. Her husband is a great stepdad, and my wife is an amazing stepmom, as well as mom to our two boys.

I was on a pretty self destructive path before she showed up. Now, I’m still a far ways from perfect, but I honestly believe that my daughter saved my life.

Feel free to dm me if you want to talk further.