Submitted by LabTop5655 t3_10qely0 in relationship_advice

Do good partners actually exist in the world? I seem to attract toxic, abusive in some regard, people. Mind you, I do have a lot of trauma that I haven’t worked through. I think that could be part of my issue. But, do we really deserve to be with good, caring, nice partners, or is that just a Disney movie dream? I personally feel like what I get, is what I deserve. I don’t think I’m a bad person. I try to help people as much as I can, and be available for people. I definitely put others before me.

3

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

AutoModerator t1_j6pjd4v wrote

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

  • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

  • ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

  • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

  • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.


#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

yowen2000 t1_j6pjwah wrote

> I do have a lot of trauma that I haven’t worked through.

I'd start doing some work here before considering relationships again.

> But, do we really deserve to be with good, caring, nice partners

You ONE MILLION percent do deserve this, this is not supposed to be some magical thing, what you describe above is like a notch above the bare minimum. Nobody is doing you a "favor" when they do these things, they should be normal in a relationship. If you give these 3 things in your relationship, you should expect them back. Like you said:

> I try to help people as much as I can, and be available for people. I definitely put others before me.

So again, I recommend you do that work. If you are in a better place mentally speaking, you will meet better people.

3

xvszero t1_j6pk2ob wrote

Well for starters, if your current partner is toxic, dump them.

You seem to have an idea of why you are attracted to toxic men related to past trauma. Are you seeing a therapist for that?

Where do you meet the men you date?

As for the general question, there are 4 billion men in the world. Yes, some of them are good men.

4