Well for starters, if your current partner is toxic, dump them.

You seem to have an idea of why you are attracted to toxic men related to past trauma. Are you seeing a therapist for that?

Where do you meet the men you date?

As for the general question, there are 4 billion men in the world. Yes, some of them are good men.

> I do have a lot of trauma that I haven’t worked through.

I'd start doing some work here before considering relationships again.

> But, do we really deserve to be with good, caring, nice partners

You ONE MILLION percent do deserve this, this is not supposed to be some magical thing, what you describe above is like a notch above the bare minimum. Nobody is doing you a "favor" when they do these things, they should be normal in a relationship. If you give these 3 things in your relationship, you should expect them back. Like you said:

> I try to help people as much as I can, and be available for people. I definitely put others before me.

So again, I recommend you do that work. If you are in a better place mentally speaking, you will meet better people.

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