What are the signs to end a long term relationship? I'm a 26F with a 27M for 8 years

Submitted by Strange_Rush398 t3_10q8l68 in relationship_advice

We have been together for 8 years. I know I'm not always going to be madly in love and sometimes love fizzles/comes back. Sometimes I look at him and It's like we just started dating and I have butterflies in my stomach but more often than not, I feel like he's just my best friend, no romantic feelings. How do you know when a relationship should be over? He's a very nice guy but I'm not sure if I can see my life with him forever. I cant imagine being with anyone forever. Our lives are so intertwined, I can't imagine it without him but... I'm not sure... there a definitely things I would like to change about him but no one is perfect right? And ik I can't ask him to change.

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MckittenMan t1_j6ohy96 wrote

>there a definitely things I would like to change about him but no one is perfect right?

Can you expand on what things you would like to change about him?

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JanetInSpain t1_j6oi8aa wrote

People change a lot from their late teens to early twenties. It's one of the most formative periods of our life. It isn't surprising that someone who worked great when you were 18 and 19 just isn't working anymore. Don't stay with someone just because you're already invested so much time. It's called Sunk Cost FALLACY for a reason.

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mad-melon t1_j6oin3l wrote

Passion fizzles but love remains. It’s normal to not like everything about your SO, but it’s about how you approach it that matters. Are they idiosyncrasies and imperfections that you can overlook/learn to love? Or are they more fundamental attributes or value differences that are much, much harder to compromise on? If you let differences simmer below the surface too long, the more likely you are to categorize those as the latter, so I think to maintain a healthy relationship (and possibly revive back that love, if some has been lost) you need to face those things that you say you dislike about him. Hopefully what you’re referring to aren’t really big deals.

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Strange_Rush398 OP t1_j6oiojg wrote

Replying to MckittenMan (#1,677,577)

He's not that hard working. He doesn't have the drive to motivate him. He isn't a morning person. I always have to drag him out of bed. I wish he would motivate me to get up some days. He does whatever is easiest. If it means something is extra work then he won't pick that options.

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MckittenMan t1_j6olsui wrote

Replying to Strange_Rush398 (#1,677,827)

Well, I kind of disagree with this statement then.

>I can't ask him to change.

I think you can ask your partner to change.

When my and my GF started out, we agreed that we wanted to be the best partner possible to each-other. And that includes adapting, improving, ironing out negative characteristics, etc... all for the sake of benefiting the other.

And if we found something we couldn't do, we make an attempt at a compromise.

And for your case, a number of things I think you can request a change on.

For example:

  • I always have to drag him out of bed

You doing that... is a chore to you. That is a dynamic in your relationship you don't like. A reasonable thing to address. You're not his alarm clock or Mother. He can get up out of bed on his own.

And if you found that your partner has no desire to improve the relationship, or make a more fulfilling experience to you.. then that is a good time question the relationship.

Don't be afraid of addressing what you're unhappy about. A neglect to communicate, would be contributing to the failure.

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