My (22m) fiancé (20f) moved 200 miles away with no warning

Submitted by OnlyDekkiHD t3_10qbisz in relationship_advice

Apologies in advance if this post is a bit jumbled, I’m unwell at the moment and my brain is extremely foggy.

For a bit of context, I am autistic and I broke my neck in 2020, my fiancé has been my full time carer since the accident.

We’ve been together almost 3 years. (30th April 2020) we lived together for just under a year (moved in 15th January 2022, moved out 10th January 2023)

When she moved in, I told her she doesn’t need to get a job. I can support us both, all I need is help doing the day to day stuff that I cannot do anymore.

That was the deal, however my family members wanted her to get a job because I shouldn’t be providing for both of us. And they would constantly bug her and me about it, regardless of my feelings on the scenario.

On my birthday, she told me she was moving in with her mum the next day (her mum lives 200 miles away from me) I had no warning, nothing was put in place. Just upped and left, she claims that she still loves me and wants to be with me but she “wanted to prove everyone wrong” by getting a job with her mums company.

I’ve had 0 care since she left. I tried doing things on my own but I cannot do it. I tried doing food shopping and ended up in hospital due to the extreme pain it caused.

I’m so heartbroken and angry about the situation. How can she claim to love me, but leave me knowing I cannot look after myself? She has since said that I should move too, however I’m unsure if I want to leave my family and friends behind. Plus I’m unsure I could be financially stable.

How would you handle this situation?

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hisimpendingbaldness t1_j6p625b wrote

Relationship has to be a two way street. It doesn't sound like you can provide for yourself. You are complaining more like you are losing your nurse rather than your lover. Its up to you to provide a means to take care of yourself and not put it on her.

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AmarilloWar t1_j6p0916 wrote

Hire a nurse.

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OnlyDekkiHD OP t1_j6p0grh wrote

Sadly I cannot afford a nurse, or else that would’ve been my choice from the start.

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AmarilloWar t1_j6p17pw wrote

That doesn't quite make sense, you can fully support another person but not get health assistance?

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OnlyDekkiHD OP t1_j6p23e7 wrote

Supporting my fiancé financially was costing me an extra £100-£120 a month (as all I was really paying for was extra food to feed the two of us, plus her phone bill which was £7 a month) hiring a nurse would cost me around £500-600 a month from my research. Which is sadly too much for me to afford.

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AmarilloWar t1_j6p7fsu wrote

Well it isn't a very good solution to plan on her being your carer forever, obvious now I'm sure. Is there no type of social service that would help you? No disability or anything like that?

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NocturnalCoder t1_j6p2fx9 wrote

Striping all of the other stuff aside: your fiance decided to make a huge life decion without communicating with you. That is not how adult realtionships work. Up and out 200 miles without telling you and leaving you to help yourself? Super immature move. If she had an issue with what everyone was saying, a conversation with you would have had to be step one. She didn't. Like a teen, she burned bridges to prove strangers wrong. I wouldn't hold my breath to be honest. I am 42 and wouldn't even know where to begin to restore this break of trust and communication

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OnlyDekkiHD OP t1_j6p3aut wrote

That’s the thing that’s been bugging me, if she had properly spoken to me about the situation we could’ve come to a solution. Instead I’ve just been “ditched” more or less and she expects everything between us to be fine? I can’t wrap my head around the thought process, to the point I don’t think there was one.

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